[United Kingdom] Manager says I need to explain my AS

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Hi,

I know this topic was a long time ago, but a hell of a lot has happened and I feel a bit low at the moment. I'll recount this tale below, but I'm going to miss out details for the sake of brevity. It's long enough as it is!!

My GP diagnosed me with work induced anxiety last month, so I now have a prescription for anti-anxiety meds - 'beta blockers'. They are doing a really good job, I feel a lot better than I have for years and years.

I have a job offer at a really good company, it's much more highly paid, and will move my career into the direction I want it to go. But because the job is on a graduate scheme, I have to wait until this September to start. I also got a slew of other offers at firms where I could start immediately, but (perhaps unwisely) I turned these down.

I feel bad because my department manager now stiffens up around me, as if I'm some kind of Hannibal Lecter type character, and I heard her whispering about me with my line manager. I think they were trying to be discreet, but I can normally pick up what people are saying in the office when they whisper. I am under investigation for inappropriate behaviour. Because of my offer from the other firm, getting a formal warning is not a problem, but it's still getting me a bit down.

In October 2016, I got really mad one day and walked out of the office. I got a same day GP appointment and was diagnosed with a nervous debility. I got my union involved and they recommended I sign off sick until I could get an appointment with HR. This meant staying on the sick until January, which I was reluctant to do.

I walked out because I felt very stressed due to an exceptional workload, my Sheldon Cooper-esque colleagues were unhelpful, and I was obviously set up (unwittingly) to fail a few key tasks, because I was not provided with the correct or safe equipment.

I explained my situation to the union reps, they were very sympathetic and suggested two key points:
(1) I should confirm all my instructions in writing via email
(2) They believed most of the negative experiences I've been through are actually motivated by colleagues' envy and insecurity, since I'm the first person in the technical department with an engineering degree

I tried going back to work in November, but during my back to work meeting, my manager was very rude, he invaded my personal space, hissed at me when I said something he didn't like, and asked if I was going to 'blame everything on my Aspergers'. The next day I got another sick note from the GP instead of turning up for work.

I had the meeting with HR, my department manager, and my union in the first week of January, then returned to work. My department manager told me in confidence that she thinks my line manager, and training supervisor are rude and confusing, even to her, and that if they are unclear, contradictory, or hostile, I should just press on until they give me an answer that I can understand.

A fortnight back in the job, I had to phone up my training manager for some advice using an ersatz software tool he had told me to use. He seemed very exasperated despite the fact it was a valid question. I shot him a polite, quick email to summarise what we'd said over the phone, and that he should let me know if he disagreed with my summary. Cue a sharp reply telling me not to waste his time with inane questions. I reply telling him I was sorry, but I thought it was valid, and that if he doesn't have the time to train me up, maybe he should let me know so I don't bother him. We then had a little email spat where he insisted nothing was his fault, and I replied with my recollection of said events. I know this was very unprofessional, but hey, I'll chalk it down as a lesson...

The next week, one morning my line manager asked to speak to me in a private meeting room. He opened by telling me that my training supervisor is a very important man, a very busy man, and much more important than I am, and that he told my line manager I had been very rude to him. I asked my line manager to tell me what I had specifically said that was so rude, and he said that it was the initial email, confirming our conversation.

I felt really shocked, and sick to my stomach. How could that be unreasonable? My manager started to tell me I should apologise, so I shouted at him and left the meeting room. The day continued as normal from there on in, but I couldn't settle; I had one fit of rage in a toilet cubicle and stamped on the floor, when this didn't work, I self harmed using a scalpel in my office (yeah I know...). A little while later, I asked a colleague for some information (that only he could have had), he asked why I couldn't Google it [because it was about legacy in-house stuff] so I started telling him in a raised voice (not shouting) that I had tried to find out in every other conceivable way before asking him, because I don't like talking to him because getting answers out of him is like drawing blood from a stone.

My manager came over, saw my arm, and told me to go home. I refused at first, insisting that I wanted to work, but I soon agreed when I saw how pointless arguing was. The next day I returned to work, got sent to the department head straight away, she told me I was on sick leave and had an emergency occupational health appointment.

I saw the occupational health consultant, she said I was fit for work, and that I should make sure I see my GP. So I return back to work the next day, and my department manager is obviously unhappy about it. Then last week, the department head pulls me into the office, says that the occupational health appointment was their last attempt to help me (that's not what occupational health do), and that now they are going to try and get me written up for inappropriate behaviour towards me line manager and training supervisor.

Aside from work my life is great, my hobbies are going well, my relationship with my wife is great, my family say I sound a lot happier, and I'm feel good about myself most of the time now.

Sorry that was such a rant, I don't see a solution or expect one. At this point all I can do is weather the unpleasant and weird workplace behaviour until I get a start date from my new firm.

On the day I returned to work after self-harming, a colleague found an excuse to be alone with me, and explained that after I was sent home, he and several other colleagues had argued with my line manager and difficult colleague; he says they told my manager he was making me do too much work, not helping me enough, and being damn rude when I did ask for help. My manager allegedly said the reason they hired me was that I graduated with a first (4.0 GPA?), and therefore he and my colleague (who was involved in the interview process) thought I wouldn't need any training or supervision, and I should be smart enough to just figure everything out.

Thanks for listening.

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I have also been having a few problems at work. My manager has referred me to occupational health, we met, that is me my manager and HR representative and my union representative to discuss ways forward and her my AS could be managed. However when the occupational health doctor started to speak my manager told him that she had read everything on the website about Aspergers and didn't see what else there was to know. That just showed me that she was not interested. I did not declare at interview but a couple of months after I started in the job, ever since then she has been angry with me because I didn't declare it before and told me if she had known she would not have employed me. She is making my AS a problem when it isn't really. On a couple of occasions she has even asked me to leave. The doctor in Occupational Health has decided that the problem is not my AS and now we are going to have mediation instead to resolve the issues between myself and my manager. We tried this once before, but she did not listen to anything I said. I don't see that it will work this time, it all seems pointless now. I just want a new job where I can be appreciated and be allowed to get on with my work. My life is very miserable at the moment. I can't work in this environment and the union don't seem to be up to help me, I am very scared for my future…
I hope things are better for you now.