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Dr_Manhattan
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31 Aug 2016, 3:53 pm

I have been grilled non-stop by my friends about why I'm still single. At the time, I couldn't really tell them why because I never really thought about it. I'm 23 going on 24, in 3 months, I've been single since I graduated high school in 2011, and I've had a lot of introspective time to myself. Why can't I get a girl?

Horrible temper
Odd mannerisms
Tendency to express a lack of interest
Tendency to withhold forgiveness
Lack of ambition

There's a few I haven't mentioned(can't really think, wanna go home, that sorta thing). But why now share your reasoning?



kraftiekortie
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31 Aug 2016, 4:40 pm

Would you go out with a girl who has a horrible temper, tendency to express a lack of interest, or tendency to withhold forgiveness?

I certainly wouldn't.



Chichikov
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31 Aug 2016, 5:16 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Would you go out with a girl who has a horrible temper, tendency to express a lack of interest, or tendency to withhold forgiveness?

How big are her boobs?



the_phoenix
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31 Aug 2016, 6:05 pm

You've got a good list there of things about yourself that you can work on to improve, that's a start.

How about picking one of the items from the list, like "horrible temper"?

You can work on things like patience, waiting, controlling anger, seeing and caring about how the other person feels, even doing a random act of kindness for someone.



RetroGamer87
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02 Sep 2016, 6:00 am

Dr_Manhattan wrote:
I have been grilled non-stop by my friends about why I'm still single.
Me too. If it wasn't for the grilling I wouldn't bother with dating because I actually enjoy being alone.

But then again I also enjoy hanging out with people with whom I have common interests. But my main motivation for dating is so other other won't think I'm less of a man. It all started a few years ago when my illegitimate half-brother teased me about being a virgin. He can't call me that any more! Ha! Take that brother!
Dr_Manhattan wrote:
At the time, I couldn't really tell them why because I never really thought about it. I'm 23 going on 24, in 3 months, I've been single since I graduated high school in 2011, and I've had a lot of introspective time to myself. Why can't I get a girl?
So do you really want a relationship for it's own sake or do you just want one so you won't feel like a foreveralone freak? I mostly fall into the second camp.
Dr_Manhattan wrote:
Horrible temper
Odd mannerisms
Tendency to express a lack of interest
Tendency to withhold forgiveness
Lack of ambition
Don't be so hard on yourself. If you have low self-esteem that means you probably think you're worse than you actually are.

Also remember that like us all, you are who you choose to be. So if you choose to be even tempered, forgiving and ambitious, than that's who you will be.

Like Professor Dumbledore said at the end of Chamber of Secrets, it is our choices that define us.
kraftiekortie wrote:
Would you go out with a girl who has a horrible temper, tendency to express a lack of interest, or tendency to withhold forgiveness?

I certainly wouldn't.
I already did :lol:


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Chronos
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06 Sep 2016, 2:20 am

Dr_Manhattan wrote:
I have been grilled non-stop by my friends about why I'm still single. At the time, I couldn't really tell them why because I never really thought about it. I'm 23 going on 24, in 3 months, I've been single since I graduated high school in 2011, and I've had a lot of introspective time to myself. Why can't I get a girl?

Horrible temper
Odd mannerisms
Tendency to express a lack of interest
Tendency to withhold forgiveness
Lack of ambition

There's a few I haven't mentioned(can't really think, wanna go home, that sorta thing). But why now share your reasoning?


Let's call a horrible temper what it really is. Emotionality combined with difficulty communicating. This can definitely be addressed with a therapist, and should, because a bad temper is the hardest on those who have it, and a good therapist can help you learn how to better navigate the world when things upset you, and also how to use your emotionality in a positive way.



TomS
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08 Sep 2016, 11:35 am

You answered your own question. That list may not be everything but already is enough to scare 90% of prospective partners away.

No mystery here. To make yourself a more agreeable partner, you need to dump 1, 4 & 5 definately. 2 needs work, and 3 needs more work.



racheypie666
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08 Sep 2016, 12:05 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
But my main motivation for dating is so other other won't think I'm less of a man. It all started a few years ago when my illegitimate half-brother teased me about being a virgin. He can't call me that any more! Ha! Take that brother!


It sucks that guys say stuff like this to other guys. I'm grateful I'm a girl because I've only had my brother teasingly call me a virgin once (and he apologised really awkwardly lol), otherwise nobody says anything. I don't advertise the fact to anyone, but anyone who really knows me would peg me for asexual. It's nobody else's business if you prefer to be alone, but most guys have this high-school attitude towards virginity. My sympathies, man, I hate people getting involved in my personal affairs :evil:.

Dr_Manhattan wrote:
I have been grilled non-stop by my friends about why I'm still single.


Do you want a girlfriend, independent of what your friends think? Otherwise it's cool just having friends, I wish I had some.

Dr_Manhattan wrote:
Horrible temper
Odd mannerisms
Tendency to express a lack of interest
Tendency to withhold forgiveness
Lack of ambition


I'm sure you have some positive and attractive traits too, but at least by recognising some negatives to your personality you can maybe start to work on them. Some of them ("can't really think, wanna go home, that sorta thing") might just be accepted and understood if you find a girlfriend who's understanding of autism (and you shouldn't get one who isn't). I'll tell you this though; my father (who I am 100% sure is on the spectrum), has literally all of the traits you have listed in abundance, and it didn't stop him getting together with my mother. Your character didn't stop you getting friends, so if you want a girlfriend and are willing to put in a little bit of work (and some honesty about why you behave the way you do), it won't stop you from getting that either.



Dr_Manhattan
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20 Sep 2016, 12:58 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Would you go out with a girl who has a horrible temper, tendency to express a lack of interest, or tendency to withhold forgiveness?

I certainly wouldn't.


I did. She was passive aggressive, but that's how she was. So...yeah, been there, done that.



Sabreclaw
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20 Sep 2016, 1:04 am

Horrible tempers really need to be controlled. Nobody wants to spend their life with Mr. Shouty Angry Face.



Dr.Pepper
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23 Sep 2016, 9:18 pm

There are plenty of men with undesirable traits who have partners so I don't think that has anything to do with it.

Get to know some women and go on some dates. You'll eventually have a long term partner.