Am I better of being single?
RetroGamer87
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And I suffer from depression, but then I think the loneliness contributes to it, so we're all trapped in a vicious circle.
Now I have a date with this depressed girl and I really wish she was happy and well adjusted but if she was she'd almost certainly already be in a relationship with someone else who's happy and well adjusted.
In my experience when two depressed people date each other, the results are highly unstable. There's self-loathing on both sides. You don't have enough energy for dating because depression reduces your energy. You have to choose between resting all weekend and getting to work on Monday being well rested or dating on the weekend, arriving at your date exhausted and flabbergasted and then arriving at work on Monday even more exhausted.
I know that for nondepressed people their recreation can be just as intense as their work. For example, they may spend the weekend surfing or playing sports. This is possible for them because they require very little rest during their waking hours.
Depressed people have less energy for work and study. That's why depressed people don't have very good careers which leads to even more depression when you see how all the happy people have better careers than you.
Anyway, with my previous girlfriend she wanted me to support her emotionally through her depression but I was unable to because I was also depressed. That scenario wouldn't have happened if one or both of us didn't have depression.
Even when I'm alone I'm unable to choose what I want to do. I want to spend all evening studying for my ISTQB exam yet I only get an hour of study done because my willpower is crappy.
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auntblabby
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but at least you don't have to put up with the nagging of anybody else.
RetroGamer87
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^ Very true.
Some days I miss my ex very much and other days I hate her. Nagging? She tried to control every part of my life because she couldn't control her own.
She made all of my problems about her, which is not the correct way for me to solve my problems.
I really wish I didn't have to date girls with mental health issues such as depression but all the girls I've got in my blackbook have depression. As I said before, this is probably caused by some sort of selection bias, e.g. all the depressed girls are on dating sites and all the mentally stable girls either have boyfriends or are waiting to get picked up in clubs.
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The days are long, but the years are short
I know how you feel.
As I've said in the past, my only major issues are Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia and Asperger's, yet I end up with all the aggressive, crazy, suicidal, self-harming, miserably depressed girls with BPD/ADHD/Schizophrenia/Schizoid etc.
Why can't I ever meet any shy girls with maybe slightly depressed like me and an anxiety disorder or OCD or something but are otherwise normal and easier to deal with?
I require someone who is not negative but is positive and uplifts me.
The negativity in my family already depresses me and drags me down enough.
Even a former friend in high school said I could 'do better' than the BPD/Depressed/Learning difficulties/mentally delayed girl I dated briefly.
Last edited by Outrider on 27 Sep 2016, 4:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
auntblabby
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also beware of borderline.
RetroGamer87
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When my ex said she's highly sensative she was just giving herself a free pass to complain about whatever she wanted. If I didn't like her idea, she said I wasn't listening. I listened to her every word and then gave her a detailed rebuttal as to why I didn't want to impliment her financial ideas on my life. She said I wasn't listening and then started crying. If she wants to do it with her finances, fine but why does she think she has a right to manage my money when she can't manage her own!
It's not usually physical but OCD? She got obsessed with her skin. Compulsive pimple popping. Fine. Whatever. It gave her perfect skin. Then she started doing it to me. Painful. Not just once or twice. Dozens of times on microscopic pimples that were too small for me to see. The pain went on and on. I told her to stop. She said just one more. I let her. Then she said just one more. I let her. Then she said just one more. I got mad at her. She said just one more. She was like a drug addict who wanted just one more hit of meth.
She actually had a really really fun personality, which would have been fine if she wasn't an incurable nutcase. She kept telling me I need a psychiatrist and I need antidepressants. Well if they didn't cure her depression why should they cure mine?
The worst thing was that I didn't like walking on eggshells around her. At least other girls are more rational about their own flaws. And I didn't like her saying I wasn't "supportive enough" of her depression when she didn't explain what I had to do and when I got depressed she said "deal with it". What a hypocrite.
Maybe I'll go back to her and maybe I won't. If I don't, she'll die alone and I'll fine someone else.
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The days are long, but the years are short
Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 27 Sep 2016, 5:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
RetroGamer87
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auntblabby
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Borderline personality disorder affects how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others and how you behave.
Signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder may include:
• Impulsive and risky behavior, such as risky driving, unsafe sex, gambling sprees or illegal drug use
• Awareness of destructive behavior, including self-injury, but sometimes feeling unable to change it
• Wide mood swings
• Short but intense episodes of anxiety or depression
• Inappropriate anger and antagonistic behavior, sometimes escalating into physical fights
• Difficulty controlling emotions or impulses
• Suicidal behavior
• Feeling misunderstood, neglected, alone, empty or hopeless
• Fear of being alone
• Feelings of self-hate and self-loathing
When you have borderline personality disorder, you often have an insecure sense of who you are. Your self-image, self-identity or sense of self often rapidly changes. You may view yourself as evil or bad, and sometimes you may feel as if you don't exist at all. An unstable self-image often leads to frequent changes in jobs, friendships, goals and values.
Your relationships are usually in turmoil. You may idealize someone one moment and then abruptly and dramatically shift to fury and hate over perceived slights or even minor misunderstandings. This is because people with borderline personality disorder often have difficulty accepting gray areas — things seem to be either black or white.
if you know somebody that you often have to "walk on eggshells" around, that is a clue.
ProfessorJohn
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Depends on your personality. You might be able to maintain a relationship with someone who requires less personal time together.
It is hard to balance full time work and a real though when you're mentally ill lol. I work 40 hours a week as a cake decorator in a bakery and it's so mismanaged that I just come home feeling dead. My schedule also clashes with my boyfriend's schedule - he has community college classes in the afternoon Monday-Thursday and has Friday-Sunday off. I work Friday-Sunday consistently. I usually get Wednesday and Thursday off lol.
I do want to spend more time with him, but given our clashing schedules and the fact that I work like 10-7 most days I don't really see him very often. On the days I work 7-4 I go see him after work, but those are rare days.
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Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor
Yes, at least in most cases, you are better off being single. Being in a relationship can be stressful for anyone. However, I think for people with AS, it is often a source of constant conflict. It has been said many times before, the AS person can work on themselves and try and learn or adjust to become a better partner, but that can't change the fact that their brains are hard-wired differently than NTs. You can't fake your way through an intimate relationship forever, it's not realistic.
If you can find a partner who accepts you for who you are, warts and all, and doesn't harbour any secret hope to change you, then (and only then) the relationship has the potential for long-term success.
Being single sucks sometimes, but compared to what? Being divorced? Having kids who you never get to see? Losing your life savings in a break-up? I'll take my freedom, money, and sanity over chasing the fading mirage of "True love".
ProfessorJohn
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Such people do exist. I have been married to one for almost 17 years. I am now starting to see what a true blessing that is, because these forums make it sound like those are kind of rare people, at least when it comes to dealing with Aspies. I am also learning more and more about how different and eccentric I am compared to mainstream guys.
I didn't have too many previous relationships, and that bums me out from time to time, but at least I never had a relationship with crazy. I don't handle drama well, and I also don't handle rejection well. Having to try to deal with a crazy girlfriend who played on my emotions and did mind games on me might well have driven me to suicide when I was drinking and drugging. I wasn't very far away from it them as it was.
ProfessorJohn
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