Question about the 'friendzone'
It is what she was talking about I guess, perhaps my comment was more on topic than yours.
You guess, but I'm going by what she said. She criticized harshly guys who want only sex, without specifying anything else, and I replied to that.
_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.
Even some women will say it exists and they themselves got friend zoned. It's usually attractive women who say it doesn't exist and they'll the ones most likely to do it.
What a bunch of stupid and inaccurate assumptions.
Says the super attractive woman.
It's not an assumption it's a observation
Most of the people I've seen say it doesn't exist are attractive women.
And I've also seen some women even here in friendZone threads say they felt friendzoned. I've only seen few guys say it isn't real.
I've made no assumptions, just because you disagree doesn't mean you can slander me and say I'm making assumptions.
Why are you so against it? Have guys claimed you've friend zoned them and so your upset about it?
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,890
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
You are confusing between the "Nice Guy Tm" and friendzone.
The "Nice Guy Tm" is the guy who does the reaction you are describing above.
Being in the friendzone simply refers to the case when the person you like will never see you more than just friends, basically due to the lack of sexual attraction toward you. Not always there's a piss off reaction to that.
Are you saying someone's friendship is worse than being used for sex? Clearly they see you as a likeable person? Worth talking to?
Yes, it is a bad thing to be only wanted for sex. "Friends" is slightly better than "a flesh light that isn't worth talking to".
I am not any more. I have ditched these people, like you should ditch someone your trying to date if you don't actually want to be friends with them.
Ditch them and move on. Stop trying and getting annoyed that they don't like you.
That doesn't make any sense.
There is more to the story. I am not sharing it on here. I never wanted a "f**k buddy", that sort of set up does nothing for me. I hate these people and for good reason. They aren't worth knowing.
Just like you should get rid of people who use you. If someone only wants to talk to you about how other guys hate her, then get rid of her.
Even some women will say it exists and they themselves got friend zoned. It's usually attractive women who say it doesn't exist and they'll the ones most likely to do it.
What a bunch of stupid and inaccurate assumptions.
Says the super attractive woman.
It's not an assumption it's a observation
Most of the people I've seen say it doesn't exist are attractive women.
And I've also seen some women even here in friendZone threads say they felt friendzoned. I've only seen few guys say it isn't real.
I've made no assumptions, just because you disagree doesn't mean you can slander me and say I'm making assumptions.
Why are you so against it? Have guys claimed you've friend zoned them and so your upset about it?
Guys have claimed I've "friend zoned" them, maybe once or twice. But the difference is I never gave them any indication whatsoever that I wanted to be any more than friends. I don't think it's fair to be labelled as a "friend zoner" for that.
Never made them pay for me or do stuff for me, liked to listen, not just talk. It's just rude to be called that for no reason.
There is one instance in which I "friend zoned" someone in my early 20's, and to be honest, I deserved to be cut off. Guys are not tissues.
I wouldn't call that "friend zoning" I would call it more being needy and expecting people to listen to you.
I have two questions:
Does a lamentation about being rejected by someone you really had your heart set on constitute entitlement/nice guy(tm) behavior?
Is there a non-creepy, non-pervy way to filter out potential partners who might not be sexually compatible with you?
_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!
Now proficient in ChatGPT!
some people just want easy attention and validation on demand. and if throwing you under the bus will give them more validation than your unconditional attention, they will do it
@op: if the girl really has made it clear that she has a boyfriend, then even if she encourages the guy's behavior, it's his problem. he can't complain of being deceived when he knows he's not playing by the rules. on the other hand, if she's not open with her boyfriend about it, then it's unfaithfulness, because she's essentially "cultivating a readily available competitor"
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
some people just want easy attention and validation on demand. and if throwing you under the bus will give them more validation than your unconditional attention, they will do it
@op: if the girl really has made it clear that she has a boyfriend, then even if she encourages the guy's behavior, it's his problem. he can't complain of being deceived when he knows he's not playing by the rules. on the other hand, if she's not open with her boyfriend about it, then it's unfaithfulness, because she's essentially "cultivating a readily available competitor"
Agree with all of it.
I tend to view most motives for sex as devaluing one or both partners. One merely exists for the momentary pleasure of the other. One is merely an object to be used, like a Kleenex when you blow your nose. I get it.
A problem you run into is that sex is often expected over the course of a relationship. So when a guy is genuinely interested in a woman as relationship material, it's a kick in the gut if she's been leading him on and suddenly hits him with "nonono...I think we just need to be friends." There's nothing wrong with friendship. But thst needs to be made abundantly clear from the outset. Our culture dictates the thing about sex in a LTR, so once again if you're never going there, it should be made clear from the outset.
There are ways of breaking down the friendzone. Simply figure out ways of occupying more of her time and BE PATIENT. If there really IS a friendzone, which I tend to doubt, it need not be a permanent institution.
some people just want easy attention and validation on demand. and if throwing you under the bus will give them more validation than your unconditional attention, they will do it
@op: if the girl really has made it clear that she has a boyfriend, then even if she encourages the guy's behavior, it's his problem. he can't complain of being deceived when he knows he's not playing by the rules. on the other hand, if she's not open with her boyfriend about it, then it's unfaithfulness, because she's essentially "cultivating a readily available competitor"
Agree with all of it.
I tend to view most motives for sex as devaluing one or both partners. One merely exists for the momentary pleasure of the other. One is merely an object to be used, like a Kleenex when you blow your nose. I get it.
A problem you run into is that sex is often expected over the course of a relationship. So when a guy is genuinely interested in a woman as relationship material, it's a kick in the gut if she's been leading him on and suddenly hits him with "nonono...I think we just need to be friends." There's nothing wrong with friendship. But thst needs to be made abundantly clear from the outset. Our culture dictates the thing about sex in a LTR, so once again if you're never going there, it should be made clear from the outset.
There are ways of breaking down the friendzone. Simply figure out ways of occupying more of her time and BE PATIENT. If there really IS a friendzone, which I tend to doubt, it need not be a permanent institution.
Persistence only leads to getting the reputation if you're male. Better to just make acquaintances crave your attention and ignore them.
_________________
About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters: how well they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or
just walking dully along...
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
some people just want easy attention and validation on demand. and if throwing you under the bus will give them more validation than your unconditional attention, they will do it
@op: if the girl really has made it clear that she has a boyfriend, then even if she encourages the guy's behavior, it's his problem. he can't complain of being deceived when he knows he's not playing by the rules. on the other hand, if she's not open with her boyfriend about it, then it's unfaithfulness, because she's essentially "cultivating a readily available competitor"
Agree with all of it.
I tend to view most motives for sex as devaluing one or both partners. One merely exists for the momentary pleasure of the other. One is merely an object to be used, like a Kleenex when you blow your nose. I get it.
A problem you run into is that sex is often expected over the course of a relationship. So when a guy is genuinely interested in a woman as relationship material, it's a kick in the gut if she's been leading him on and suddenly hits him with "nonono...I think we just need to be friends." There's nothing wrong with friendship. But thst needs to be made abundantly clear from the outset. Our culture dictates the thing about sex in a LTR, so once again if you're never going there, it should be made clear from the outset.
There are ways of breaking down the friendzone. Simply figure out ways of occupying more of her time and BE PATIENT. If there really IS a friendzone, which I tend to doubt, it need not be a permanent institution.
Persistence only leads to getting the reputation if you're male. Better to just make acquaintances crave your attention and ignore them.
Maybe. I just believe in keeping an open mind. I think it's dangerous to get stuck on one individual early on in getting to know someone. Having options makes rejection sting less and moving on easier.
What I found worked best was to make it more about who I spent the most time with. If I wanted a relationship and she didn't, ultimately I just stopped hanging out with her.
You should never assume that being persistent WILL break through the friendzone, btw. I'm just saying that if she means that much to you and you're confident she's not wasting your time, the closest you're going to get to breaking down those boundaries is spend time with her every chance you get and be patient.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,890
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
Are you saying someone's friendship is worse than being used for sex? Clearly they see you as a likeable person? Worth talking to?
It depends on how you see it.
If a girl just wants me for sex and wants to "use me for sex" - I would still actually feel flattered because I would know that she finds me attractive, that she likes my company, that I am sexually visible and arousing for her -... it's ego boosting for me.
For me, it's even more flattering than when a girl just sees me as a friend.
But I guess this is a major typical difference between men and women on how they view casual sex: most men feel that if women wanting them for casual sex it boosts their worth, for most women they often feel the opposite.
For most men, 'being used for sex' by some woman doesn't have a negative effect.
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Very important question. |
29 Jan 2024, 2:41 am |
The Tomboy Question |
08 Feb 2024, 4:10 am |
Autism Question. |
10 Mar 2024, 6:30 pm |
Hi, new WP user with question |
14 Mar 2024, 9:09 pm |