Question about the 'friendzone'

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Agree with all of it.

I tend to view most motives for sex as devaluing one or both partners. One merely exists for the momentary pleasure of the other. One is merely an object to be used, like a Kleenex when you blow your nose. I get it.

A problem you run into is that sex is often expected over the course of a relationship. So when a guy is genuinely interested in a woman as relationship material, it's a kick in the gut if she's been leading him on and suddenly hits him with "nonono...I think we just need to be friends." There's nothing wrong with friendship. But thst needs to be made abundantly clear from the outset. Our culture dictates the thing about sex in a LTR, so once again if you're never going there, it should be made clear from the outset.

There are ways of breaking down the friendzone. Simply figure out ways of occupying more of her time and BE PATIENT. If there really IS a friendzone, which I tend to doubt, it need not be a permanent institution.

Persistence only leads to getting the reputation if you're male. Better to just make acquaintances crave your attention and ignore them.

Maybe. I just believe in keeping an open mind. I think it's dangerous to get stuck on one individual early on in getting to know someone. Having options makes rejection sting less and moving on easier.

What I found worked best was to make it more about who I spent the most time with. If I wanted a relationship and she didn't, ultimately I just stopped hanging out with her.

You should never assume that being persistent WILL break through the friendzone, btw. I'm just saying that if she means that much to you and you're confident she's not wasting your time, the closest you're going to get to breaking down those boundaries is spend time with her every chance you get and be patient.

It depends on how you see it.

If a girl just wants me for sex and wants to "use me for sex" - I would still actually feel flattered because I would know that she finds me attractive, that she likes my company, that I am sexually visible and arousing for her -... it's ego boosting for me.

For me, it's even more flattering than when a girl just sees me as a friend.


But I guess this is a major typical difference between men and women on how they view casual sex: most men feel that if women wanting them for casual sex it boosts their worth, for most women they often feel the opposite.

For most men, 'being used for sex' by some woman doesn't have a negative effect.

Overwhelmingly whether a woman has a boyfriend or hasn't a boyfriend carries no weight. The only things that weigh are her emotional states and his ability to create those in her. If he's got enough game she will later rationalize it in all sorts of ways.

Basically my take on the "friendzone" is this:

Some guys try to be friends with a girl they like hoping that one day she'll see that they're the "right one" for them (sometimes the sexes might be reversed too), this is an unrealistic trope that has been played to death on romantic comedies.

Basically it's unrealistic; when you first meet a girl there will be signs early on whether she's into you or not, and if she isn't then it's very unlikely she'll ever come around (the exception might be if she was initially into the guy, and the guy was too shy to "make a move" but she happened to stick around, and sometime later it happened).

Likewise the idea that there's only "one single person you're pre-destined to fall in love with" is an unrealistic Hollywood trope; basically there's more of a "range" of people you're potentially compatible with, and being obsessed over one person, especially one who doesn't feel that way about you isn't healthy and leads to a desperate or clingy mindset.

The last two women I err met, one I could tell her type right off the bat, she just wanted to be friends and only got friendly when she wanted something, like money she never intended to pay back, trying to use her sex without giving sex to manipulate men into giving her what she wanted. the other woman, as soon as I moved into the area she was coming over allot, saying her husband was always off traveling and just wanted the company, nothing sexual, then when her husband called she let him know she was over at my home visiting (which she started to do allot), and I told her to please stop doing that because her husband was going to start getting jealous and I wanted no part of that, she said if he couldn't trust her then thats his problem, only later to find out (when he got back home) that she has been trying to make him jealous to try and get him to come home sooner and not leave as much for his long hauls he done for work, and next thing I knew he was in my face trying to pick a fight, and I was like slow down man, I been telling your wife to back off and that I didn't want any part of this, he didn't listen, but thankfully they soon moved afterwards.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ss_snxspFj8
The absolutely best explanation of the friendzone - and it's by a woman.

Don't see why it's so complicated, it just means a woman likes being friends with a guy but isn't romantically interested in him, like a 'brother/sister' type of relationship.

Actually I think it originally meant that when a woman starts seeing you as a friend she will never change her perspective and you will be romantically/sexually invisible to her without the possibility of it changing, or at least it is very rare.
Sometimes now it can even mean a malevolent intent of the chased who takes advantage of the chaser, like in AspergianMutantt's post.

Brother/sister-zone is a stronger version of the friendzone. I am so pro that once I actually managed to get not-brother-zoned... That was really insane.

See women want the guy they like to be distant and act like he could care less about them.
It's hard for me to do that though

She is frankly shallow and a bit of a muppet. Please don't lump me in with her.

I'd see being distant as uninterest and therefore not worth my time

I'm confused. Which is it is being distant good or is being clingy?

Why irgnore texts if able to answer.
I'm not good wit all these mind games expect d of guys

Sorry I never meant to lump you in with anyone.

In my area, I am used to be war-zoned at any unexpected crazy moment.

What does it mean?

There aren't mind games expected of guys.

We just want people who aren't either of the 2 extremes. Just do what works for you. Some girls like clingy some like distant. You can't make yourself an ideal to women because no such thing exists.

I personally like being cuddle and hanging out with my partner but also enj9y time to myself while my friend likes to spend time away from her partner. She still lives him but it's what works for them.

I never understood this wait to respond cr**. Although I do try to follow the no more that 2 texts immediately after each other. But that's more because otherwise I don't give the chance for someone to respond.