What are your expectations /ideals in marriage?

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I'm hoping to have a discussion on expectations or ideals in marriage (or long-term relationships). Communication? Discussion of daily little things-is this important? Sex? Intimacy? What is "normal"? What about things you do together?

I have a spouse who is constantly bugging me for intimacy/closeness/sex/anything and this never goes away. Besides this he is silent. Very difficult to engage. Doesn't answer or even comment when appropriate to do so. (even social overtures-he is way worse than I am, and he is not diagnosed with anything). I don't understand him. We have different expectations and ideals. I don't want a disengaged , silent partner and he doesn't want someone who isn't close and more intimate. I can't be more close and intimate with someone who is "nothing" (like robot-like, absent, silent, disengaged except for sex)..it's very hard for me to feel okay with him lately. So, we are struggling...I thought I would post here to ask for feedback. I strongly suspect my spouse is on the spectrum but he values sex/closeness so much over anything else in life so I'm confused...if anyone can hash it out a bit with me, I would appreciate it.

Oh my! Lack of showing outward emotion... Yes. Are there other things he perhaps does to show how he feels in place of words? Is this something he has always done? Has he always been this way? For me, communication of some sort is important, whether it is in words or action. If my guy isn't comfortable with expressing himself in words, then I'm fine with him doing so by some sort of nonverbal way that I can understand, whether through physical contact, music, or a loving act of some sort, as long as we are communicating somehow. Intimacy is important, as it establishes a closeness between the two of you. In my case/our case, we are waiting until we are marriage to have sex, so we are being careful with intimacy before hand also, I suspect, so this area is a bit difficult to navigate at the moment. I'm not sure what to do with that right now. I'm just taking it day by day. However, in Marriage both are important; however, if he were not able to have sex persay, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, because that is not why I am with him. So it isn't a top priority for me. I won't die without it.

Communication in all aspects of the relationship and our lives is key for me. A shared value system. And being entirely comfortable around each other. Physical intimacy is important, but not in the sexual sense. I need someone who wants to be in physical contact as much as I do. And I want the person to be my best friend.

This is really just a serious relationship standard for me though. I'm not that focused on marriage. My boyfriend fits the bill for all those things, so if I was gonna marry anyone later in life it would be him.

Unfortunatley, there appears to be a conflicting dynamic with many men and women in LTRs...

Men need sex to feel appreciated. Women need to feel appreciated to want sex. Women have sex often as an extension of emotional expression-- thus require emotions for sex to happen. Men often require sex for deep emotions to happen.

I consider myself a fairly emotional guy with a very high interest in sex. For me, if my woman wants to do something special for me, Im most responsive to something sexual... birthday, xmad or other special occasions... get creative and crazy tonite and thatll mean more than any gift, or meal, or taking me out will. 'Thoughtfulness' to many men works differently than that of many women. Giving me sexual favors without having to ask is thoughtfulness to me... for a woman its coming home with something that shows you were thinking of her. Appreciation is planning something romantic or special. Its non sexual generally.

What the answer for this age old dilemma os is anyone's guess, but I bet it contributes heavily to the divorce rate.

I would be married to my girlfriend by now if it wouldn't screw up her benefits that she needs because she's disabled. Affection, communication & emotional intimacy are really important to me. I like sex OK but I'm sort of on the asexuality spectrum & on some meds that reduce my drive so I'm OK without which is good cuz my girlfriend doesn't want it a whole lot. What I like most about sex is the emotional intimacy & feeling close to her. Cuddling naked is really good too.