Still haven't found a girlfriend

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I was talking about Craig's List and places like that.

Look, I'm probably one of the least politically correct people on WP. I make no bones about my views when it comes to discussing them, and I'm aware that people disagree and even get offended.

But what I have in common with others here is my whole life I've been lumped together with "some freaks" on "some weird website." While I'm old enough and thick-skinned enough not to take it personally, other "freaks" still struggle with the name-calling, the insults, and the bullying. Some even become suicidal. And they come here for support and community, not for reminders of how everyone else sees them.

You don't have to agree with me on anything. But PLEASE be a little more sensitive and respectful towards others in the language you choose and by the clarity you choose to use it.

Some other acros that come up:
MOOS: Member(s) of the opposite sex
PUA: Pick Up Artist
MRA: Men's Rights Activist (tangentially related to PUA)
SJW: Social Justice Warrior (polar opposite to PUA/MRA)

MOOS needs no explanation.

PUA is relevant to this subforum because advice from that community is directly related to dating and emphasizes ONS (one-night stands) and NSA (see previous post) relationships. The ultimate goal of PUA is LTR, with advice intended to build confidence and be more attractive. However, in practice PUAs take shortcuts and rely on psychological manipulation and coercion. Used consistently, PUA tactics ARE effective, even if they are morally or ethically questionable. My advice is often similar or related to PUA tactics, though I prefer a less diabolical approach.

I don't go very far with PUA, but what little I DO know is PUA literature is highly self-referential and elitist, almost an academic exercise. The culture is fascinating. If you think MY acros are hard, you really have no idea. PUAs really do have a unique language all their own. Good luck with that one!

MRA is a counter to certain ugly strands of feminism. Feminists have been abusive towards men in here in the past, although things are MUCH better than they used to be about 3 years ago. So from time to time these discussions come up. My view on feminism is either the nastier elements don't represent feminism, or women have largely abandoned the label as anything intellectually significant. I sometimes refer to that as "post-feminist" because while they are still pro-women in scope, they don't maintain a combative attitude nor do they hold traditional gender roles in contempt. If you want to break the glass ceiling, we love you. If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, we love you. But be true to yourself either way. Men are people, too, in this view, and there are those post-feminists who might even identify as MRA's themselves. MRA's are most at odds with the more outspoken, foaming-at-the-mouth man-haters and will, for instance, call into question such practices as automatically giving women primary custody of children after a divorce.

SJW is related to hypersensitive, bleeding-heart, snowflake liberalism and is an umbrella term that includes the aforementioned ugly side of feminism among other things. These are those people who make it a point to be offended by as much as possible. Relevant in discussions here because of the implication that men don't have the right to feel the way we do, that our opinions don't matter, and that our opinions are actually the minority, thus the antithesis to MRA's and more "conservative" schools of thought.

i've been on 6 dates this year, all from Plentyoffish, but most of them were 1st dates that didn't result in a second date, i did have a second date with a girl last Friday, i consider that a milestone because most of the dates i've been on in my whole life have been first dates that didn't result in a second date

I DID IT, I DID IT.

Today has been the greatest day ever, i just found out i passed my exams on travel & tourism got a pass and a merit

When i took the bus back home a girl who says hi to me was on the same bus, she goes to the same college and we were chatting all the way from the bus stop to my stop i had to get off at, we were chatting about college, what we both want to do when we finish and it felt really great. She does level 3 sport and wants to someone who looks after sports people like with injury, we also laughed because her ex bf walked past and she didn't want him to get on the bus.

I mean look i didn't ask her out and i have no clue if she is single or not but for me to have chatted to her for 15 minuets on a bus in a public place was fantastic, i wasn't laughed at, she didn't think i was stupid and i didn't say the wrong thing. The strange thing is i didn't even care i don't have a girlfriend, she is a really nice friend and i would want her to stay that way dating or no dating lol.

Dude, that's AWESOME!

You're still on the right track. Keep moving forward.

The way to getting what you want is you need to work up to having experiences like that girl at least once every day. Not necessarily with the same girl, either.

In my experience, ex-bf's are a pain, especially if a girl makes a show of avoiding them. That means she has unresolved issues she either doesn't want to deal with or is unable to for various reasons. Especially if the ex really is a nice guy, this is the kind of girl who will ghost you on a whim.

Not saying your girl is like that, just trying to prepare you for the worst. I once dated a girl who changed bfs as easily as changing underwear. I shouldn't have been surprised when she dumped me, but I made the mistake of thinking I was different despite her history.

Your attitude is GREAT. Keep going! If you see her again, be sure to snag some contact info. You should be able to get a date with her in the next week or two. Let me know if you see her once or twice more and we'll discuss locking down that first date.

Yeah, if i'm honest i am happy keeping her as a friend at the moment, i know i said i really want a girlfriend but if she never became my gf i would be ok with that, i need to keep having experiences like that and put myself in that situation and i will have more friends that are girls and who knows maybe a partner

Like I said, that's the absolute best attitude.

The goal right now isn't to get a gf. The goal is to get one date. Time to move the needle on this.

Timing is everything. Too much contact with you right away and you're "saturating the market" and killing your own value. Too little contact and you can't generate interest. Unless you always ride the bus together every day, keep your contact to about one day per week. If you already see her every day, don't try to see her outside that context.

Keep that up for the next two full weeks.

Meanwhile, set aside between £30 and £50. During this time period, ask her where she likes to eat, fav restaurant, coffee or tea, whatever gastronomic activity is currently in vogue over there. At some point in the third week, offer to meet her for lunch and buy her a meal. Carve out 90 minutes in your schedule--mainly to account for service and time to actually eat. Be prepared to wrap things up after an hour while giving an extra half hour for margin of error.

Oh...almost forgot...I don't observe Lent, but I have plenty Catholic friends who do. You'll want to be sensitive to dietary restrictions, if any, but a good salad never hurt anyone.

The above price quote should be more than enough for a meal for two at a respectable but reasonable establishment. Two dinners, a dessert, and hot drinks or two beer/wine. That will give you plenty room to enjoy yourselves without going over-the-top crazy with it. What I would do once I find out three or four options that you know she enjoys is call ahead or visit the website to get a good idea what to budget for, and whatever falls within that range, not to exceed £50 for two, is going to be your best bet. Always do your homework and overprepare. That will impress her the most and cause you the least amount of embarrassment.

Two weeks, man... You got this!

if i could come back reincarnated as an animal, i would be a Bull Elephant Seal, besides, it's estimated that the vast majority of adult male Elephant Seals die virgins, never get to mate, so i would have a brotherhood of other guys who share the pain of being unsuccessful with women

you have that Comradery dont you? why not come back as a bonobo where they have sex with everyone and anyone hahaha

Or you could just do what cricketman is doing.

I'm not hiding anything, either. Any time monogamy is the goal, only ONCE will you be successful. I can't emphasize that enough. What's important during this process is to count the small victories along the way.

Cricketman is starting from ZERO experience. Sure he's a few months into this journey, but look at what he's gotten done so far. He started out with no confidence. Now he's got girls initiating contact with him, and he's worked up to having actual, meaningful conversations. He's poised to get his first date with a girl.

Is it LIKELY to change his relationship status? No, and we accept that. We're not looking for marriage proposals or even a second date. We just want more than what we HAD. And that's enough.

The more you repeat the process, the odds increase that you get more dates. The more dates you get, the more likely you'll get in a relationship. The more relationships you have, the more likely you'll get married and make babies. To get married, you'll fail in all your other relationships. To get in a relationship, you'll either reject or be by rejected the other women you go out with. On your way to getting dates, you'll reject and be rejected by other women.

It's never MEANT to work out. So you focus on what went right, not what went wrong. I asked a girl out. She turned me down, but I ASKED A GIRL OUT! Never did that before. I asked 10 girls out, and one of them accepted!! ! I don't think I'll get a second date, but I WENT OUT WITH A GIRL!

Heck, I'd even ask a lesbian out knowing full well it wouldn't go anywhere. "You seem really cool, and I'd like to know more about ____. Can we get together, say, next Tuesday and _____?" "Ummmm...you know I'm not into guys, right?" "Yeeeaaah...don't care. I thought it was cool that you're into ____ and I'd like to hang out and learn more. Plus I've never been out with a girl and thought it wouldn't hurt anything to hang out. " It's a long shot, but it beats nothing. And you never know... A girl who goes out with you just because she feels sorry for you is still a girl that goes out with you!! ! Take nothing for granted."

This talk of "victories", experience and large-number games again. Really off-putting.

Look, I don't care one bit to "date" a girl just to get experience. I don't want that kind of experience and I never did. It's just as disgusting as one-night stands.

This is not about you.

I'm just giving my opinion.

I don't know about the OP, but he might not think quantity is more important than quality either (like you always seems to do).

Now now, there's no need to mock Wants just because you have a partner and he doesn't. Remember to be kind to those less fortunate than yourself.

I'm not mocking I was being serious. Take comfort in the fact he is not alone.

The bonobos part was funny because they are funny monkeys.

Maybe you shouldnt assume about people