Does dating get harder as you get older?

Post Reply New Topic

You were a good one for sure.
I think that beauty and good is in the eye of the beholder.

There's not doubt that this is true.

Beauty is ALWAYS in the eye of the Beholder.

I was never an Adonis LOL....and now, that I'm approaching 56 years of age, I'm even less of one.

Why? Because they'll more successful ? Men tend to be more mature and successful older. Women mature and succeed younger.

I would say sometimes to fairly often.

There are times, though, when a younger woman likes an older man because of his life experience alone.

I feel like that too but in a different way. When I was in my early 20s/late teens, I didn't really have that youthful sense of wonder and optimism very much, not because I was extremely cynical or pessamistic at that time but because I was extremely dense at that time. I was too thick to have any wonder or optimism. I was also too thick to have any pessamism. I just had an extremely narrow focus on certain special interests. Nothing else existed.

The other thing was, I was alone. I stayed away from other people. Whatever wonder and optimism I felt, I felt alone. Actually I think I did have a little bit of wonder and optimism when I was about 18 but in a greatly diminished form. I remember discovering new music alone on my computer. I thought this was wonderful. But I should've been doing that with other youths, not by myself!

That was around about the time I discovered Wikipedia and I was learning many different things. It was so interesting. I marvelled at the great detail and broad scope on Wikipedia and other reference sites. But I should've been doing that in college, not in my bedroom!

My current pessimism isn't all because I feel like my present situation is bad, a lot of it stems from my past. I was a reclusive underachiever and I feel like I can never, ever escape from that. I feel like that past is still a heavy burden. I got behind and I can't catch up because my top speed is merely keeping up. I can't close the gap but if I run flat out I can just barely prevent the gap from getting wider.It makes me feel mentally ill that I grew up too slow! Even when I was 24 I had the mind of a child. So when my 16 year old cousin is working 12 hours on Saturday, 12 hours on Sunday, getting straight As in school and in a long term relationship, I feel like she's now more mature than I ever will be.

It's not the optimistic youths that make me feel sick, it's the precocious youths. Because even at half my age, they're so far ahead of me it makes my head spin.

It makes me feel like I shouldn't even try to save for a house when other people bought one when they were 23! If I ever buy a house, I'll probably keep it a secret because I'll ashamed to admit that I didn't buy one until I was 35 when other people bought one in their 20s.

People talk about how much fun they had in uni, I'll never have that experience. Even if I go now, I'll be a mature age student, which isn't the same experience at all. What did I miss? On the one hand, the classes, assignments, projects, etc. Yes it would have been really hard but that would have toughened me up! The harder it is, the greater the achievement!

On the other hand, the social stuff, the parties, the groups, dating college girls, indepently setting up clubs, etc. I would have loved those clubs. Those clubs were a foreign concept in high school. You couldn't just start your own club. Any club that existed was started by the teachers. You certainly couldn't start your own student union. I missed out on that kind of initiative.

Anything I did with other people, I did at their behest. Any time I took initiative, I did it alone, in my room, in the dark.Many of them do think they can change the world. That's why they become SJWs.You would have loved being a teenager in the 90s. That kind of cynicism was really cool back then.I wish I could be happy but I feel like I'll always be an underachiever. Always less than other people. Always clumsy. The bumbling fool. Always less productive at work. Uneducated. Unable to concentrate. Unable to enact long term plans or delay gratification. Even when something good happens to me and makes me happy for a minute it ends when I remember what a loser I am.

Then again some of the 30 year olds I've known were super optimistic. I've known a fair few people who got married in their late 20s and by 30 their just sort of settling into it. The honeymoon is over (both literally and figuratively) so now they're concentrating on building a life together, renovating their first home, etc. They're still young enough to have youthful energy and optimism. They have money from two jobs. They're just starting to invest. They don't yet have children to drain their energy and happiness and finances. If they're smart they never will. Instead of watching their children grow they can watch their wealth grow.Growing up too slow is no fun at all. I used to think only of my pleasure and enjoyment but now I feel like pleasure is toxic to me. Rather than focus on enjoyment, I must focus on achievement. I must deny myself entertainment so I can work more. Do more overtime. Get a good reputation. Achieve more. Get more skilled. I must deny myself shopping sprees so I can save and invest. Mature adults don't use their spare income for their enjoyment, they save it and grow it.

I must no longer think of my enjoyment. I've been a child for far too long. Childhood ends now!

I don't have any life experience

Me neither

But you both do have life experience.

Stuff has happened to you, and you both adjusted to it.

If you've experienced the American sort of University campus with its dorm life, it is very easy to at least meet single people your own age. When you leave, it usually gets a lot harder. Even in a more traditional European-type university setting where most students probably live with their parents, it's probably still fairly easy to meet people.

But once you leave and (hopefully) enter the "working world", it usually gets a lot harder. That typically happens early-to-mid twenties. I certainly experienced that.

However, as time went on, into my early 30s, I found that dating gradually became easier for a number of reasons.

1.) I developed a better sense of which girls might be interested. Having had some successes, I gained a better ability to predict when a girl might be "interested" (i.e. sexually).
2.) In the mid-twenties, all the decent ones seem to be taken. But getting into the late twenties and early thirties, there were more divorcees, some quite horny and free of their youthful bashfulness concerning sex.
3.) I was ready for marriage. With my first girlfriend (at age 20) I was simply not ready to think about that. But by the time I met my wife, I was ready and willing once the right person happened by. So not inhibited by fear of commitment.
4.) I learned that a girl didn't have to have such a great body to be a great sex partner. So I had the possibility of finding a younger girlfriend who might not be considered "hot" by guys her own age, but to whom I might be attracted, due to her youth and eagerness.
5.) In my case, I started working out around age 29. This made a huge difference - I never became "ripped" but women are more attracted to guys who are in shape, even if not aware themselves. Even girls in active relationships came on to me in a different way. Of course you don't need to wait until you are 29 to act on this advice.

Today I met a charming young couple. They're engaged. The man was named Simon. He was charming, handsome, charismatic. He said his age is 25. The girl seemed to about the same age. Very pretty too. They looked so happy. They had such youthful vitality.

I might meet someone when I'm 35. She might be 35 or perhaps she'll be a couple of years older than me. I don't think I'd bother. I think of couples who meet when they're older as kind of sad. I'd rather be single than be like that.

I missed out on my chance to be one half of a vicenarian couple. To be that happy. To have that youthful vitality. I asked out an 18 year old in hopes that I could turn back the clock. Our average age was 24.

It didn't work. I don't want to take the dregs. I don't want to take the girls left over after the Simons of the world have taken all the pretty ones.

Most of all I don't want to settle. I'd rather be single than settle. Better to live single than to live a lifetime thinking I could have done better.

It might be better to meet someone in your/their 30s. What Max pointed out makes sense.

The sex will certainly be better. And you'll enrich and amuse each other with funny stories of the foibles of your teens and 20s.

I really didn't "arrive in the world" until my 30s. I was an overgrown child when I was in my 20s.

Yep, I've noticed this same thing. The amount of available people decreases more and more as you get older. By the time you get to your 30's it is not only the quantity but the quality that can become a problem too. People can have a lot of baggage from their past that might not make them desirable when it comes to dating. I know I have mine too, we all do. Even if you haven't dated much, that is a huge red flag in itself. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a lot of these people are good for the right person, but it is like looking for a needle in a haystack to find the one that fits well with you and where you are at that point in your life, when you are younger that can be a lot easier to do because the availability is much higher. I dread the day when I hit my 40's and might have to settle for a lot less than I had hoped for, and no I don't mean a persons physical appearance, I am not real picky about that. I am a person that doesn't mind dating single moms, I actually enjoy it, it can be a very rewarding experience. At the same time though, it can be very difficult to find ones that still have the same interests as me. Is it too much to ask for a cool single mom that still likes to play video games? One thing I've learned though, is that it all comes down to timing, maybe the right person for you isn't single at the current time but they may become single in the future. You just gotta find the right person at the right time, thats the tricky part.

So, if you see 18 as the appropriate age for girls to start dating and 29 as the typical age they're all taken by.. and the 18yo's aren't interest in you for being too old for them, then make it your aim to date someone in between that range. There are plenty of 23yo's out there.. 25yo's, 26yo's, 28yo's etc. Just because you have difficulty attracting an 18yo for being too old or a "good" 29yo because they're all taken OR you can't quite relate to them because your social maturity is younger doesn't mean there aren't any dateable females in the age range in between!

Also, your potential dating pool is far greater than the people you work with. The internet/dating apps open up virtually every potential partner in your geographical area. A car, bus or train pass even, makes this pool even larger.

Are there any organizations that help developmentally disabled adults in your area. Perhaps you could volunteer to help out and meet potential matches with more similar perspectives in life.

But will you ever be 100% sure that she is the best one? How many GFs you need to decide?