My parents want to make me drop out

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Writergirl53
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08 Dec 2016, 4:03 am

Hi there, so hoping maybe people will have some advice or input that will help me to deal with this situation I'm in right now. So, I'm in my second year of university and I'be been struggling with attention issues and time management issues, well since always, but this year has been really bad for me with all of that stuff, and recently I had kind of a blow up where due to my learning disability that makes concepts like time and space really hard for me, I thought it was one week earlier than it was and managed to miss a quiz thinking it was this week, (it was last week,) and then a midterm thinking it was next week, it was the day I thought the quiz was. Anyway my dad just had to ask how my quiz went and since I can't lie and he wouldn't take no for an answer I was forced to tell him and he says he sees it as a sign that I'm not making it and I'm going to flunk out, so now he says that he wants to pull me out of university before finals so the grades don't go in and force me to do lifeskills training for a couple of years. I'm so conflicted. On the one hand, I really don't want to leave my friends here, and I love living on my own and going to university, but on the other hand lately things have just been so hard and I've been feeling more and more like school isn't just for me. I don't know what to do, and even though I know she's trying to be strong for me because she knows how much I'm hurting right now, I know that this is killing my roommate who is also one of my best friends, and it hurts me to hurt her this way even though I have no real control over this situation right now. :( I hate that my parents are so strict. Even if they might be right they always treat me and my education as a financial investment before they treat me as an independent person with my own thoughts and feelings.



Darmok
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08 Dec 2016, 4:18 am

Writergirl53 wrote:
Hi there, so hoping maybe people will have some advice or input that will help me to deal with this situation I'm in right now. So, I'm in my second year of university and I'be been struggling with attention issues and time management issues, well since always, but this year has been really bad for me with all of that stuff, and recently I had kind of a blow up where due to my learning disability that makes concepts like time and space really hard for me, I thought it was one week earlier than it was and managed to miss a quiz thinking it was this week, (it was last week,) and then a midterm thinking it was next week, it was the day I thought the quiz was. Anyway my dad just had to ask how my quiz went and since I can't lie and he wouldn't take no for an answer I was forced to tell him and he says he sees it as a sign that I'm not making it and I'm going to flunk out, so now he says that he wants to pull me out of university before finals so the grades don't go in and force me to do lifeskills training for a couple of years. I'm so conflicted. On the one hand, I really don't want to leave my friends here, and I love living on my own and going to university, but on the other hand lately things have just been so hard and I've been feeling more and more like school isn't just for me. I don't know what to do, and even though I know she's trying to be strong for me because she knows how much I'm hurting right now, I know that this is killing my roommate who is also one of my best friends, and it hurts me to hurt her this way even though I have no real control over this situation right now. :( I hate that my parents are so strict. Even if they might be right they always treat me and my education as a financial investment before they treat me as an independent person with my own thoughts and feelings.


That's a tough situation. It's really bad to get a string of F's on your record -- that's not something you can erase. If you're genuinely going to fail a group of courses and have the option to withdraw instead, so several permanent F's won't be on your record, it may be best to withdraw for now. If you can pull out of the slump and get a passing grade of C or better, then it might be best to stay and learn from the experience. If you stay, I'd recommend entering all your tasks on an automated calendar that will send you text alerts as reminders when things are due.


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Amebix
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10 Dec 2016, 12:33 pm

I don't know what to say about life skills training, but talk to the professor. If you can't pull a B or C in the class, I strongly urge you to withdraw ASAP. If you get a D or F it WILL have a terrible impact on your GPA, and will likely put you on academic probation. So regardless of whether or not you actually drop out of school altogether for a little while, you need to pull out of that class if you're going to fail or do poorly. Nobody really cares if you have a W on your transcript, but people WILL care if you have a D or F.

You need to consider how school is setting you up for success in your career. If you think life skills training might help, then that might be worth considering. If it just means putting off school another year or two, don't worry about it - nobody will care ultimately if you're a couple years older than some of the other students, and you'll be better off.

But also don't overreact if you have to withdraw from one class. If you're doing okay in your other classes, I would urge you to finish the semester in those.



SocOfAutism
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13 Dec 2016, 10:46 am

I have an AAS, a BS, a BA, and an MS. My GPAS were 4.0, 4.0, 3.85, 3.85. I'm not autistic but I have a neurological disease which is similar to ALS or Parkinson's.

I feel stupid for paying so much attention to my GPA over the years. No one cares after you graduate. Even if you have a GPA in the 2s, it's easy to hide when you go out looking for a job. Just finish. Lots of people who skated by with bad grades are doing far better than I am now.

The quiz thing is not a big deal. Dads freak out about things- that's just part of being a dad. You can't let that add to your stress. If you can make it up, great, but if you can't, LET IT GO. Keep going and FINISH.

Specific autism advice: Take sensory/social breaks between classes. Keep plenty of "your" food and things to drink on hand. Take notes on things that are not interesting or you can't follow. Get a recorder if you need one. Get disability notes and use them to cover yourself for things like needing extra time on tests, or a quiet room, or a recorder or laptop. Do not overextend yourself. Make sure you keep up your special interests.



Lockheart
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26 Dec 2016, 7:47 am

First thing: don't panic. Messing up the dates of a quiz and a mid-term isn't the end of the world, although I do understand it could feel like that.

Second thing: do you have some kind of disability support service at your school? Before you make any decisions, get in touch with them as soon as possible, if you haven't already. If you have an official diagnosis they can usually provide you with assistance to help you make it through school. (Even if you don't have an official diagnosis, go see them anyway to see what they can offer you.) They may also be able to give you specific advice on what to do about your current problem or direct you to the people who can. The advice could depend on your overall grades and how much those missed assessments were worth, as well as rules specific to your school, so I'd recommend asking someone at your school. If you're feeling confused about whether or not school is for you, an appointment with a careers adviser (usually also available at the school) could help.

Finally, I don't know how many subjects you're attempting to do per semester, but you may do better with a lighter course load. Although I am reasonably good at executive functioning, I have a severe problem with perfectionism and anxiety, and had to take less than a full-time load to make it through without collapsing. There's nothing wrong with that. You may be able to make up some of the time by taking classes that are held in holidays, if your school offers that.

As for your parents, I think you'll have more luck persuading them to keep you at school if you can present them with a plan for getting back on track. That's where seeing support services can help.

Good luck!



Sleepycat001
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06 Mar 2018, 10:06 pm

You should try an easier major or less stressful so that remembering exam dates come a little easier. Also you need to see the dates not tuck it away in an app. Try a planner for that.