I didn't cry once after sending this poem, though I did get a little teary-eyed when reading her response that she still wanted to be in my life.
These are some things I need to say:
It's not easy for people like me to convey,
but I think I've found a way....
I feel hurt by you,
but certainly it wasn't your objective,
it was my masochistic tendencies,
purposefully projected,
I'm sorry it's so hard for me,
to be truthful and open,
I feel lost and confused,
foolish and broken,
now all that's left is,
my rawest and truest emotions,
expressed from the bottom of my heart,
I'm removing the clothespin,
I've been restlessly shedding,
a lot of tears this year,
It's so stressful progressing,
beyond these feelings I feel,
but then the tenderness I'm getting,
in my heart begins to reveal,
that really it can only start to mend and heal,
by willingly disclosing emotions without fear,
I've wanted so much to hug you,
and hold your hand in courtship,
but I was so humble,
I danced around what's important,
emotions are best expressed with acts of passion,
but I never captured the moment,
I was consulting my brain for the answers,
even though it's,
the heart who's supposed to,
manage that turf,
I was just trying to be respectful,
but I ended up too fearful,
now I'm regretful,
and I'm seriously tearful,
But what if it's just I'm really mad that my ego's hurt?
and I'm just wishing that we were parting on equal terms?
but then again, you're still my friend,
so I didn't really lose you,
I just get confused at you VS. my version,
usually I don't know who's who,
You define goddess in my mind's glossary,
a prophetess, divine goddess, kind, exotic being,
But I cannot seem to process these kinds of thoughts logically,
It's sure an oddity for me to think beyond concrete terminologies,
You have certain qualities I wish to learn by following,
I'm appreciative of your gifts, you're detoxing and restocking me,
Usually the human touch
leaves my skin feeling like,
I just wanna brutally f**king
peel it with a knife,
But you remind me I'm human too,
and I can perceive emotion,
I'll bloom as your student,
I just need devotion,
you're more than just scenery,
you have an inspiring impact,
normally the means for me
to try and get past mishaps
is to dispassionately dispatch
sorcery and witchcraft via dis tracks,
but you're restoring my core,
and it's no longer pitch black,
I could never abhor you, in fact,
my affection for you is intact,
It wasn't until 2017 that,
I had a reason,
to write a love-themed song,
you've definitely broad-
ened my horizons to see b'yond
the blatant hatred that I've thrived in,
I'm converting, I'm changing, I'm climbing,
I'm learning way past my rage and my strife, and
I thank you for turning this page of my life.
19 Jan 2017, 9:32 pm
