I Can't Have Friends

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I'm very lonely, but I can't really handle people. I just dislike people, a lot. I'm disgusted by the constant confrontation and challenges these people offer me. I am extremely sensitive and people tend to take advantage of that.

Basically I get into arguments constantly with "friends". They confuse me and annoy me and bother me to no end. I just simply cant handle it. I am coming here because I don't know what to do. I don't want to become entirely cut off but I don't want to have friends either. I feel like I need people, like anyone else, and I don't really sit well with the darkness of my own thoughts, all the piled up insults I've gathered from the years.

So what should I do? If there's any advice? I can go into a specific example if someone would like me to. I'm just a bit tired of this whole "friend" thing. There is literally no one out there for me, and I know this. My interests, though they are general and simple, don't really seem to attract the same sort of attention that they did in the 19th century, so I'm just sort of trapped in prolonged isolation.

Being around other Aspies on this forum sounds like your answer. You don't have to be around people physically and you can still come here to talk to people when you feel like it then stop and go do other things.

What are your interests?

internet friends might not be true friends, in that they can't give you everything that someone who you can see face to face can, but it may be enough for someone who can't handle people.

in my experience, i've gotten the right balance of interaction that i need from people on here, and my GF. who is currently my only friend that i see, "in the flesh".

focus on what you want to do, and what you want out of a relationship. stay away from those who have hurt you the most.

also curious as to what your interests are.

Yeah, it'd be nice to know your interests. Someone out there will share that interest, even in the 21st century (and there will be a reddit for it!) I thought for a long while nobody shared my love for a brilliant show I love, called "Death in Paradise" (genuinely, it is the best detective show). One person however, out of my whole secondary school + sixth form also enjoys it, and they're a pretty nice guy.


Additionally, I share a similar dilemma to you. While I do have "friends" (so-to-speak), I don't really have any close friends that I see in real life. I don't really feel comfortable yet with telling anyone I know any of my real problems, not even really my family (although I'm slowly attempted to try to change that). Just keep trying casually, going out places and picking up conversations people initiate with you. There are some fairly generic responses and phrases which you can utilise, and if you just check up some of the less logical phrases and idioms, allowing others to converse which you shouldn't be as tricky. Starting conversations is a whole other story though, and don't leave yourself to taking advice from me on that!

I was hesitant to say it here because I feel like someone I know in real life will find me by the facts that I've put here but who cares, I'll just say it anyways.

I've had a fascination with city states for a long time. I've also had 2 before this. I was obsessed with astronomy and I had a huge fascination with Cats and Robots (They had nothing to do with each other though). I also had a bit of an interest in dimensional analogy and four dimensional space. My main interest was with atmospheres with planets however, and I spent ALL the time thinking about this. Gas compositions and the possibility of life on Jupiter, (not that there actually is but when I was this young I liked to fantasize about it) giant squid like blobs that would float on densely packed clouds and had evolved near the core (like ours evolved from oceans) and would possess advanced intelligence.

Then I got HEAVILY interested in personality styles. It's hard to explain, but it's like foreign policy of countries. Every country is very unique, every one has it's own "personality" and have their own challenges, resource, etc. Some countries are practically fortress nations with a lot of interior resources, natural defenses sometimes, and military spending, kind of like the USA or China or previously USSR, others are huge vast combinations of many small countries into a mega federation of ethnic groups or previously existent (Bahmani and Chola Dynasties) nations like India or the DROC, and even Germany from what grew out of the Holy Roman Empire. Others are just quiet isolationists who just live, seeking no further ambition or being unable to do so. 3 Examples of these are Timor-Leste, Bhutan, or San Marino, and their more extroverted counterparts who enjoy trade and powerful economies but wish to keep to themselves, like Sweden or Japan. It's extremely fascinating and continues to fascinate me to this day. This is what people are like, all unique and all with different "foreign policies", attitudes and values that shape their interactions with others and their internal structures, which keeps them and their ideas alive, and they are the internal workings of a nation, which keeps that nation alive.

So then I got interested in personality illness, disorders that profoundly effect ones interpersonal capacity. On one extreme you have Schizoid Personality disorder, a disorder which characteristically causes higher amounts of isolationistic attitude and a closed off interior, desiring transparency and wishing to avoid conflict (at least I think, from what I've read), with a huge internal complex of fantasies or internal worlds often rich in content, and then you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, where the individual tends to focus outwards on a more expansionist imperialist path, they like to set up protectorates and military bases, securing their interests and even sometimes allies. There are disorders such as Asperger's , which many of us experience, that (at least in my case) causes my interior to be focused on clean and orderly efficiency, where I want my resources to be nationalized but my entertainment industry to be privately owned, I want a free market (I want to accept the criticisms and social signals of others) but I want a decent level of security (I want an adequate response to bullying and abuse, and otherwise attacks on my self), so I consider myself to be similar to a country like Thailand. Currently boasting a strong and quickly increasing economic reputation, a regional power, the only High HDI ranked country in SE Asia, admirable in both culture and business practices, a beautiful and developed Capital city, however with significant border disputes between it's eastern neighbor, similar in culture and belief but not so much in political view, Cambodia.

So sorry about that, got carried away, but I want to post it because I find it fascinating and there's MUCH more to it, this is a small fraction of what I think about in terms of this matter. Of course I love politics and stuff related as well, and I can find people who want to talk about that, but they usually don't want to talk about it for more than 4 minutes. Other people (A lot who Don't have an ASD) who I often interact with seem to be scattered and distracted by what happens around them. They don't want to spend time on a deep and complex conversation, they don't want their views to be challenged (but neither do I so this is a very pervasive and very universal trait) and their social behavior is confusing on it's own. Sometimes they spontaneously make a loud noise or begin laughing, or other times they simply want to end the conversation immediately. One time someone I was talking to even began to cry and attack me viciously, and another I was talking to someone and a 3rd person who I didn't know stepped in and begin to criticize me in an illogical and unconstructive manner, which I'm fine with because they have the right to do that but I would have personally liked a bit more of a reason, which they refused to give me.