How do I stay motivated when AS is causing me big problems?

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I'm not really sure how to write this without making it seem like I'm just feeling sorry for myself or something. Well, In a way I guess I do feel sorry for myself but I'm mostly just frustrated. Very frustrated. Anyway, here's my question: how do I avoid feeling completely discouraged and feeling like giving up on life when the way I function and the way my brain works hinder me from doing what I really want to do in life? I'm not trying to use autism as an excuse and I always do my best in all situations I'm in, but my social issues and my inability to cope with stress are truly ruining my chances of pursuing a career in the field of work I'd really like to be in, which makes me feel sad and frustrated. Very frustrated. I feel lost and I'm worried that I'm always going to feel frustrated and like I'm never living up to my potential.

People often say that things could be worse (they could be worse), that I should be thankful for where I am today (I am thankful), and that it's good that I'm so "high-functioning". Sure, I'm "high-functioning" but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm "well-functioning". My life is a mess, I'm depressed, and I don't see how I can ever do what I want to do. How do I live with that? How do I stay motivated?

I'm sorry if this post is stupid or if I'm being stupid. Needed to get this off my chest and I'm just looking for some support and/or advice.

Thanks.

This may sound counter-intuitive, but I'd suggest focusing on small tasks you can do right now.
Write down a number of little tasks you can do each day and try to do as many of them as possible.

The idea is to clear you mind of the little tasks that are cluttering your mind right now.

I absolutely understand where you're coming from and I still struggle with some of those issues. I'm not sure what you are interested in going into but is there other positions in the field where you could at least be around what you enjoy? I wasn't able to stay in Emergency Medicine but I am able to work in Cardiology. It's not quite the same but it's close enough where I could be content. Maybe something like that would help you.

What's working in cardiology like for you? Is it stressful? Do you interact with a lot of patients and if so, is it something you're comfortable doing or is it difficult?

I'd really like to go into medicine. Medicine is my main interest in life (sometimes I feel like I don't even care about anything else) and for quite some time I've had this dream of becoming a doctor or maybe a nurse. Preferably a doctor but I don't think I have the grades for that. Anyway, I'd love to go into neurology, psychiatry, or radiology. It kind of feels like an impossible thing to achieve though because of my social issues and the inability to cope with stress, so instead I'm studying preclinical medicine (though that's also difficult when it comes to stress and the social aspect of studying). I've got a degree in biomedicine and am now (well, when I'm not on sick leave due to depression) pursuing a master's degree in medical microbiology. I'm definitely interested in what I'm studying now but it's always going to be secondary to clinical medicine, which is very frustrating. I pass the hospital every time I go to university and every time it reminds me of what I can't have. It hurts.

I really don't want it to seem like I'm ungrateful for where I am today. I'm proud of myself for making it through my undergraduate studies and I'm happy I get to study something in the field of medicine, but what I'm doing now is not what I truly want to do.

This method works for me. I too recommend it.

I think a lot of us feel this way. Autism is an obstacle. A lot of times we see what the obstacle is very clearly, but are unable to figure out how to get around it.

I can get pretty discouraged thinking about my future, so I try my best to do the one day at a time thing and the baby steps thing. I have actually progressed a lot further than they thought I would. Sometimes autistic limitations manage to resolve on their own so to speak.

You're a trip, Ezra. A real trip.

But you HAVE progressed quite a bit recently.

I bet you're pulling A's in something like History.

I personally don't deal with very many patients, I keep my case load light and I focus on emergency medicine still. Being on call is great since I generally get the more serious stuff instead of people coming in for check-ups. I personally enjoyed the emergency room but there was just too much to handle with the other staff there. I'd be curious what is causing you the stress and maybe I can help direct you to something in the field that you'd enjoy.

I don't think I'd be suited for emergency medicine because something that makes me very stressed is having to make decisions quickly. I need time to think things through properly. I also have a hard time with unpredictability but that's maybe something I'd get better at once getting used to my work assignments, but I don't know that for sure (I'm actually more worried about medical/nursing school). And then the social issues would probably make me feel stressed out too. At least if I'm in a field that requires a lot of interaction with patients. I'd probably be OK with some interaction though! I just don't want to have to interact with patients all the time since I always have to put on some kind of performance to appear socially...adequate, which is tiring.

Any thoughts on this?

Actually you had mentioned radiology as something you'd be interested in and from the sounds of it that would be a great choice for you. You'll get regular patient contact without too much. It's much more of a methodical department since you're not dealing with traumas in your face, in a hospital setting you'd have more pressure if a trauma came in and you needed to read the films quickly but in a clinic it would be a much slower pace. Also don't worry about the social aspect of med school, there is basically no time to socialize. Everyone is there to study and get their degrees, the biggest stress is getting the grades to get the school you want and even harder these days to get into a doctorate program in the first place.

I also don't know how often you see doctors but there are quite a few that have no social interaction with their patients, they go in talk about what they need to and leave. I wouldn't be surprised if there are several on the spectrum where I work. Any questions feel free to ask me anytime!

First off, your post is not stupid at all and you're not stupid, either. So get that out of your head. I struggle with the same thing you're going through, like dealing with stress and social awkwardness. I just leave it up to God and trust that He'll show me the way throughout my life, because I know He'll never let me go through something I can't handle. I don't know if you believe in God or not, so I hope me mentioning God isn't offensive to you. I'm glad that you're doing the best that you can despite your Asperger's. And as far as people saying that things could be worse and that you should be thankful, well duh! I have been through a lot worse and it's hard for me to be thankful sometimes, especially when my life becomes difficult. I know that there's people out there a lot worse off than I am, but unless I've been through what they're going through, I can't have empathy for them. I can sympathize, but not empathize. I mean, yeah I'm thankful for having a roof over my head, food in my stomach and all five of my senses. A lot of people don't even have that. I know you're not using autism as an excuse, but we Aspies can't control how our brains work, so we have to do the best we can to live as normal lives as possible. That's what I'm trying to do right now. Just do the best you can, no matter how difficult it may seem. Ok, I hope I was able to help you at least a little bit. Hang in there, ok?