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Anngables
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07 Feb 2017, 7:59 pm

Ok I have posted quite a few times on here about myself and my close friend who is Aspie. We have been friends now for over a year and a half and despite some fairly big arguments and misunderstandings we have both hung in there and continue to be good friends.

Current issue is that he no longer seems interested in talking to me much. We used to talk online every evening and text lots during the day. I am ok with the change although can not help wonder if something has happened to cause It. He says he is not "chatting" to anyone at the moment. I wonder if he is stressed about something but will undoubtedly answer any question about whether things are ok with "yes all okay thank you" . . . .. he continues to text me twice a day to say good morning and good evening, but is never willing to engage in further conversation. I feel like he wants to know I am still out here for him bit does not have the energy or inclination to engage further with me at this time.

We went out for the day on Sunday and I felt he was generally less engaged with me, and slightly more irritable and contradictory than his normal self.

Asking all the aspies whether this is a picture they recognise in themselves. Do you think he is just needing time alone at the moment? I don't want him to feel I have given up on him, but also don't want to smother him if he is needing space. Or maybe he is just bored of our friendship now? . . .. any thoughts?



the_phoenix
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07 Feb 2017, 8:59 pm

Hi Anngables,

So you are basically in contact with your Aspie friend at least twice a day, every single day, for over a year?

I think if it were me, at that point, I would either want a little space, or want to get married. :)
Or at least, some kind of a change.

Do you want this much contact because you're looking for reassurance every day that you're still friends?
If so, maybe your friend is feeling a little pressured and frustrated?

May I ask is it always one or the other of you who always initiates contact? Or is it that sometimes you initiate contact and other times he does?



Last edited by the_phoenix on 07 Feb 2017, 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Anngables
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07 Feb 2017, 9:17 pm

It is always him that texts me twice a day . . .. . I sometimes try to initiate a conversation about something of interest that would have sparked a bit of backward and forward banter previously but at the moment he doesn't seem interested in chatting (which is fine) just wondering what's going on with him really. I feel that maybe he is not happy about something but he doesn't seem to want to talk so I guess I'll just be here if he needs me.

I was really just wondering if other aspies could recognise this as signs of him needing space in some way?

I did ask if he was still wanting to do our regular meet ups for day trips as he seems a little quiet and he answered "yes of course"



Britte
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08 Feb 2017, 2:13 am

Hi Anngables. Not sure I have much to offer, but, saw your post so wanted to, simply, say hi, as I haven't seen you around in a while, although, I hadn't been round in a while, myself, until a couple of weeks, ago. I hope all is well with you. : )



feral botanist
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08 Feb 2017, 2:27 am

I will get overwhelmed emotionally and want to withdraw from everone, but I do not want to lose my friends, so I will try to keep some contact even if it is tenuous.



Anngables
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08 Feb 2017, 8:06 am

Thank you feral that does sound a little like what is happening. He is definitely not himself at the moment, but if I ask he tends to take things as criticism i.e. Thinking that I am complaining that he is not talking enough.

It is difficult from an NT perspective as my immediate reaction is to want to share with him his problems and offer support, but I understand as an Aspie the thing he will most need is just time alone. I am just answering his texts to let him know I am still here, and asking nothing more of him, and I sent him a pack of his favourite coffee beans in the post.

Hi Britte nice to hear from you. Yes thank you all ok, although looking forward to spring and some sunshine. Take care x