I feel like I'm finally transcending caring about dating

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Brianruns10
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27 Feb 2017, 12:00 am

I feel like I've finally turned a corner. So many attempts at dating in the past, that just ended with me being dicked around or taken advantage of by emotionally withholding, aloof women who never call, never email, let me do all the work...I feel like I've reach the point now where I really don't care about dating or finding a significant other. It all feels like a waste of time, and I'm really getting new, and greater satisfaction from solitary activities. My work, my hobbies, my pastimes. I enjoy the freedom of it. Meanwhile I have friends who are facing divorce, or the hell that is rearing children. The old flames that rejected me are now hausfraus steeped in mediocrity. One who I once yearned for works for freaking medicare now.

I'm not totally opposed to dating, but I now have the confidence to assert that, quite frankly, anyone who dates me is going to have to accept they'll be secondary to my creative ambitions, and my work and goals to achieve something positive and lasting, far more than building a family or having a relationship will ever produce. I go to yoga class each week, surrounded by beautiful women, and I don't care. I don't look at them, I don't talk to them. I focus on my breathing and my meditation and when the session ends, I leave, and do not waste time on nonsense.

I thought it would never happen. I wish it had happened sooner. regardless, I'm glad I am finally nearing true satisfaction in the life I've got, and I thank goodness I dodged the bullet and did not get chained to a wife or kids (ugh.



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Snowy Owl
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27 Feb 2017, 6:01 am

Yep this dude pretty much sums up my experiences with rejection. I mean i dont have any where near 30,000 rejections I've read some guys have had, but even at my 400-500 cold approaches since age 32 (I'm 39), and many years trying online dating (since 2001), I learned that the dating game in the west was rigged and that with the way I look I'd literally have a better chance with inventing light speed than with getting a non-obese female to be attracted to me. I already knew before the invention of the internet that it was rigged against me. I mean I asked out over 30 girls/women between ages 13-22 and not one said "yes". None of them were strangers. Many of that 30 were nasty to me just for the 'crime' of showing interest. For comparison, my better looking brother (6ft2) by age 22 and asked out 9 girls and only 1 turned him down.

I have worked out with weights, tried different clothes, but it makes no difference. I'm still invisible and a mild annoyance if I show a woman interest.

Bottom line is if you are unattractive-looking man/generic man like me, not tall and buff, and dont have money or status to make up for it, then you might as well condition yourself for a lifetime of loneliness (unless you can be attracted enough to pursue obese girls).

I know several women that are plain looking or slightly below (like me) and single in their 30's and, as long as they aren't too fat, their amount of suitors are HUGE. I mean HUGE. There is such intense competition for any non-obese female in the West you see.

I only have escorts once or twice a year or sex tourism now to keep me sane. In the mean time I'll try to meet Asian women online as well.

Thanks for sharing your story.


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Life had kept him waiting, regretting his pain inside. Had to feel underrated, and hated, besides. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvLVSPPLZZY


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27 Feb 2017, 7:05 am

The way I approached this was, to just be honest and open about myself. There are some drawbacks to this, but I finally feel free. The first drawback was that I had to endure what other people thought of me. And it turns out that I just had to start ignoring my own thoughts of what I thought other people thought of me. I started letting go of it. I started doing things that are worthy to me. And that was so difficult for me, because I was always trying to fit in. And now that I am letting go. It is slowly making me more relaxed. I have more patience and time for better understanding. Although I have been going to a therapist for years, who have said that I do look very relaxed and have less worry in me and the obsession I used to have over trying to understand people, when I'm overthinking things.

It was difficult to start listening to myself. I know what I do is right, and I'm not hurting anybody. If anybody has anything to say then it is their problem. I struggle with it still, when I become conscience about other people staring or avoiding me. It hurts. But I push through and do what makes me happy. I'm just not complying when it comes to social expectations.

Expressing empathy has never been my strong suite because I always go for the thinking way of solving human problems when that is not what they need. Neither do I, because I love it when someone understands me, but yet here I sit and can't do the same in return. But now I realise I do have empathy, it is just within me and I don't prioritise it, because being analytical is good at my job, but again, people, not so good. I only realise this once I can get relaxed and enjoy myself for who I am.

Therapy is still the place where I go to talk and bounce my ideas of the way I understand the world to the person and I get feedback instead of just speaking into the abyss and me pretending to be the other person speaking back as to what the reason could be. The need I had to do this stems from a young age, where I was always alone and had to create company to share my world with. Because, ultimately I am also a social creature but had to create my own answers since nobody was talking back to me.

I also have a willing therapist who is willing to teach me intellectually what I need, or at least teach me in the way I need to learn.

For now, I went to date someone, from another country because I am now looking broader, neighbourhood countries, went through so many online but then found one. I didn't care how long I was going to say "I love you" I just went and said it. I decided I am going to meet this person instead of taking months to decide if I will go. I just knew that things were checking out for me, because I was so relaxed and confident in my decision. Even if it wasn't going to work out, I went and did it for the experience and gaining more confidence. I did rely on the person a lot for my certain short comings.

I was there for 5 days and the relationship imploded, in the end, it was the old lack of empathy that reared it's head out within staying together for 5 days, like a couple. I only then revealed my Aspie badge, as if it would save me. But I'm wondering why did I just not tell her? I thought I had this under control and that I am far more integrated than before that there was no need to mention it. Sometimes I run into someone that I share it with but they are so paranoid that they are the ones who then over think certain things. Then I withhold and the opposite happens, eventually any relationship comes to a grinding halt.

But I'm not going to let that stop me, I will just continue to learn and drop more fears and learn to like what I like more. I do seek out partners, and I don't think I will ever stop and I am ok with that.