Co -worker always inviting me to her church,was my response

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LeaPoufyPony
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04 Mar 2017, 7:00 pm

My co worker that I'm friendly with would always invite me to her church and church related activities. She got really pushy and told me not to disappoint God...that it is for my own good.I never had any interest until one day I decided to just see how it is like since my other co worker who also attended the same church has recommended I attend their church. They all promised that I will enjoy it
This was a big mistake because she started expecting to start attending her church as she would constantly invite me.I had no intention of going back,so I always had excuses such as work etc.I was hoping she would drop it but she is always sending me a reminder  to attend church every Sunday and church related functions.Today I decided that I should be straight with her so I sent a message that reads
"Hey,To tell you the truth I'm not a church person at all.I only came with you that one time just to see how it is and I had nothing to do so I figure out why not.Needlessly to say,I was bored out of my mind the whole service .I have zero interest in church. I never had any intentions of going regularly. If it was something I was truly interested in, I would already been going on my own or at least volunteer to come along .You wouldn't have to drag me or keep reminding me.I'm a grown women who can make her own choices you know. Please don't invite me to church anymore.thanks
 
I hope I wasn't rude  but I wanted the invitations to stop.We're  friendly towards one another at work and I hope this won't cause tension between us



sweetperfume
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05 Mar 2017, 8:23 pm

I think that it's good that you told her the truth and to respect your choices, but at the same time I wouldn't be at all surprised if she was upset. Clearly, church is important to her, and she probably thought she was doing you a favor by inviting you to come with her (even if she probably should have gotten the hint after a few ignored invitations). She might be hurt that you outright told her that you hated something she really enjoys.



izzeme
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06 Mar 2017, 3:01 am

That seems like a perfectly reasonable reaction, especially since the coworker was kind of rude, continuously pushing you to go to church while you didnt want to.



mended
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06 Mar 2017, 3:00 pm

Good response. That'll put a stop to this.

I wonder if she was trying to score points in heaven by recruiting more soul? So more for her benefit than yours.


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1027brianfm
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14 Mar 2017, 8:51 pm

One thing I have leaned in the workplace is not to discuss religion or politics. It can get you in big trouble and is a way to make enemy's. During the 2012 election I wish I had kept my mouth shut.

No, I don't think you were rude to her. she sounds pushy. I myself detest organized religion of any kind, my one grandma was an overbearing catholic and I always saw church as pointless and silly.



Nav_Aspie
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10 Apr 2017, 6:51 pm

You were far kinder than I would have been.

Curious as to what the reply was. Did she take it in stride, or engage in some emotionally driven and utterly incomprehensible set of retaliatory actions?

While factual, polite and to the point, my fear would be that your reply struck at something that she considers a core belief. I can well imagine that you'd be walking in to the realm of something called "Cognitive Dissonance" (see Wikipedia for definition). On one hand, she has all these ideals about the importance and value of religion. On the other hand, you (a co-worker who ostensibly she has respect for), have to some degree (quite rationally in my opinion) indicated that you don't hold the same opinion. While every situation is unique, I'd be on guard for her to do whatever it takes in order to "reduce the dissonance".

Pulling from Wikipedia again, I think there might be a reply on the spectrum of any of these:

1. Change the behavior or the cognition ("Maybe church isn't that important...")
2. Justify the behavior or the cognition, by changing the conflicting cognition ("Maybe my friend doesn't need church as much as I do.")
3. Justify the behavior or the cognition by adding new cognitions ("There's nothing wrong with my love for church; my friend is just a godless Satan worshipping heathen who cannot be trusted... need to make sure everyone knows.")
4. Ignore or deny information that conflicts with existing beliefs ("I'll just keep trying.")

That's my two cents and total pop-psychology take. Am a staunch Atheist myself. As 1027brianfm suggests, I tend to avoid topics of religion in the workplace myself because previous attempts to rationalize my perspective on things occasionally results in behavior #3 on the list above.

Hope that helps.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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10 Apr 2017, 7:11 pm

1027brianfm wrote:
No, I don't think you were rude to her. she sounds pushy.
There's a long and documentable history of some of us being too pushy. It is usually more productive to be able to draw people in to where they want to come in, than to shove them in.

mended wrote:
I wonder if she was trying to score points in heaven by recruiting more soul? So more for her benefit than yours.
It happens. There is a clear commission to actually go and recruit more souls; but, again, ya often get further by being the kind of person who gets people to get curious and ask, "Hey, what's this thing you have?" instead thumping them with a Bible until you beat them inside the church door, people kinda resent that style of treatment.


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