Almost 29 and I am still the same as I was last year

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AngelRho
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12 May 2017, 12:47 pm

sly279 wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Marknis wrote:
itsme82 wrote:
Sorry, I don't see how this would follow from stopping to ruminate and starting to live in the present...?


I would wonder why being nice wasn't working out while it seemed like only the jerks were getting the girls and when I would ask why things were looking like that, I was told "Nice guys finish last." so it made me feel like they were telling me I needed to become a jerk. The jerks in the Bible Belt are especially horrific. They terrorize anyone who is "different", are anti-intellectual, drink until they pass out, smoke until their nostrils burn, and view women as "b*****s". It doesn't matter if you are a redneck or ghetto thug, they are both monsters.

This is a recurring theme on WP. First off, "nice guys" usually aren't. It's an attitude thing, followed up with an entitlement mentality that girls owe them sex and relationships simply for doing what we're all SUPPOSED to do anyway.

Which leaves the supposed "jerks" who actually get girls. First off, nobody "gets" girls unless they're into human trafficking. Second, in order to "get girls" in the sense we're talking about here, girls have to actually CONSENT to going with a guy. Girls don't want to end up with jerks. So if girls keep ending up with these guys you call jerks, are they REALLY jerks? Or do girls end up with them because girls actually get something out of it they want?

I also can't understand why you buy into the false redneck/ghetto thug dichotomy. There's no such thing anywhere.

Unless... how far do you live from a coal mine?


I'm nice. But I keep hearing there aren't any nice guys so maybe I'm not :(

I'm sure both you and Marknis are both nice and great guys. I think girls really do want nice guys.

Thing is, everyone has issues. You see a guy who has a great girl and notice some character flaws, you automatically assume he's a jerk. Ask her about that, she'll say nobody's perfect, and for all his flaws he's a great guy once you get to know him.

I have a theory about girls with real jerks--a certain type of girl thrives on drama, the adrenalin and oxytocin rushes of abusive relationships. So they are drawn to abusive men or go right back to abusive exes. I dated a girl like that, and she'd defend her ex as long as she was with him. I happened to sit next to her on a bus once and she told me about some of their issues. I broke them up with one sentence: Wow! I had no idea you were so unhappy.

And that leads to a second theory why they keep going back: they feel there's no way out. Either way, you have little or no chance with a girl like that, so for the most part just forget about them if you can't break the pattern.

But you can't assume all guys who aren't you really are jerks, either, because that isn't supported by reality. They ARE nice guys most of the time. Again, it's all a matter of perspective.



hurtloam
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12 May 2017, 3:19 pm

"Nice" is such an inept wishy-washy word. I think we should just ban it.

Quote:
Five hundred years ago, when nice was first used in English, it meant "foolish or stupid." This is not as surprising as it may seem, since it came through early French from the Latin nescius, meaning "ignorant." By the 16th century, the sense of being "very particular" or "finicky" had developed. In the 19th century, nice came to mean "pleasant or agreeable" and then "respectable," a sense quite unlike its original meaning.



RetroGamer87
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12 May 2017, 10:38 pm

AngelRho wrote:
Thing is, everyone has issues.  You see a guy who has a great girl and notice some character flaws
Not really. I haven't seen any great girls with jerks.

I see a guy who has a great girl and notice he's a great guy.

I usually notice that he's smart, charismatic, energetic, skilled, fun to be around and often well educated. All the things girls like in a guy.

I am none of these things. No wonder I'm single.


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Marknis
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13 May 2017, 8:44 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Thing is, everyone has issues.  You see a guy who has a great girl and notice some character flaws
Not really. I haven't seen any great girls with jerks.

I see a guy who has a great girl and notice he's a great guy.

I usually notice that he's smart, charismatic, energetic, skilled, fun to be around and often well educated. All the things girls like in a guy.

I am none of these things. No wonder I'm single.


Wait a minute, don't you have an older girlfriend now?



RetroGamer87
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13 May 2017, 9:14 am

Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Thing is, everyone has issues.  You see a guy who has a great girl and notice some character flaws
Not really. I haven't seen any great girls with jerks.

I see a guy who has a great girl and notice he's a great guy.

I usually notice that he's smart, charismatic, energetic, skilled, fun to be around and often well educated. All the things girls like in a guy.

I am none of these things. No wonder I'm single.
Wait a minute, don't you have an older girlfriend now?
That was only one date! Definitely not enough for her to be my girlfriend.

I'm not sure I want to be with her anyway. She doesn't have much ambition and she dislikes driving over 30 MPH.


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Marknis
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13 May 2017, 11:56 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Thing is, everyone has issues.  You see a guy who has a great girl and notice some character flaws
Not really. I haven't seen any great girls with jerks.

I see a guy who has a great girl and notice he's a great guy.

I usually notice that he's smart, charismatic, energetic, skilled, fun to be around and often well educated. All the things girls like in a guy.

I am none of these things. No wonder I'm single.
Wait a minute, don't you have an older girlfriend now?
That was only one date! Definitely not enough for her to be my girlfriend.

I'm not sure I want to be with her anyway. She doesn't have much ambition and she dislikes driving over 30 MPH.


Well, atleast you got a date. I only get ignored or, in one case, extreme foot dragging. Well, there was also that man faced looking women but she lived two or so hours away and I just couldn't get past her face.



AngelRho
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13 May 2017, 1:12 pm

Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Thing is, everyone has issues.  You see a guy who has a great girl and notice some character flaws
Not really. I haven't seen any great girls with jerks.

I see a guy who has a great girl and notice he's a great guy.

I usually notice that he's smart, charismatic, energetic, skilled, fun to be around and often well educated. All the things girls like in a guy.

I am none of these things. No wonder I'm single.
Wait a minute, don't you have an older girlfriend now?
That was only one date! Definitely not enough for her to be my girlfriend.

I'm not sure I want to be with her anyway. She doesn't have much ambition and she dislikes driving over 30 MPH.


Well, atleast you got a date. I only get ignored or, in one case, extreme foot dragging. Well, there was also that man faced looking women but she lived two or so hours away and I just couldn't get past her face.

Instincts are often good. Sometimes being alone is preferable to a relationship.

Took me into my early 20's to figure that out.



Marknis
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13 May 2017, 1:27 pm

AngelRho wrote:
Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Thing is, everyone has issues.  You see a guy who has a great girl and notice some character flaws
Not really. I haven't seen any great girls with jerks.

I see a guy who has a great girl and notice he's a great guy.

I usually notice that he's smart, charismatic, energetic, skilled, fun to be around and often well educated. All the things girls like in a guy.

I am none of these things. No wonder I'm single.
Wait a minute, don't you have an older girlfriend now?
That was only one date! Definitely not enough for her to be my girlfriend.

I'm not sure I want to be with her anyway. She doesn't have much ambition and she dislikes driving over 30 MPH.


Well, atleast you got a date. I only get ignored or, in one case, extreme foot dragging. Well, there was also that man faced looking women but she lived two or so hours away and I just couldn't get past her face.

Instincts are often good. Sometimes being alone is preferable to a relationship.

Took me into my early 20's to figure that out.


I am past my early 20's and because I was alone, it was Hell on Earth for me. While others were figuring things out in the psychosocial moratorium, I was locked out of the social world and even when I could drive a vehicle I had no idea where to go.



Marknis
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15 May 2017, 2:22 pm

hurtloam wrote:
"Nice" is such an inept wishy-washy word. I think we should just ban it.

Quote:
Five hundred years ago, when nice was first used in English, it meant "foolish or stupid." This is not as surprising as it may seem, since it came through early French from the Latin nescius, meaning "ignorant." By the 16th century, the sense of being "very particular" or "finicky" had developed. In the 19th century, nice came to mean "pleasant or agreeable" and then "respectable," a sense quite unlike its original meaning.


You have to remember I live in the Bible Belt and knowledge like that is considered "weird" or even "gay".



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16 May 2017, 1:20 am

I don't really have any advice, just that I know what you're going through and how you feel.

It's even worse here in Australia.

It doesn't matter if you live in a small town or big city, a lot of young men here like hunting, fishing, fast cars/utes/big trucks, camping, etc.

I would never hunt an animal for no reason, I'd only kill an animal in self defense (but id try to escape first) or if I was going to eat it. Never tried fishing but I imagine it's boring. I like getting out to nature, mainly walking through forests and beaches, but swimming is too inactive, standing or sitting in the same spot for so long. For me, a car is just to get me somewhere. I can't drive yet anyway but I wouldn't need a car to be fast, just fast enough to get me around. And I don't need a car that can do off-road since I'd almost never go off-road. I dislike camping, very intolerable for me without the comforts of home. It's overrated. Clothes get ruined, all your stuff gets dirty, etc.

Doesn't help this is a very conservative city full of old people. There are more churches here than schools and there's about 20-30 schools. There's a church on every corner.

There's also a lot of nerdy and geeky people here in Australia who like anime, video games, superhero movies, sci-fi, etc.

There's a lot of bro/jock type males who like gym, surfing, football, music festivals, partying and have stylish haircuts like undercuts (google it) and wear tight V-neck t-shirts.

Unfortunately, I don't fall into any of the three types of people I just listed above.

I don't understand why I can't get along with or connect with other people my age either, because my interests really aren't strange and I don't see myself as a weirdo.

I have a very normal and ordinary personality, I don't feel like a weirdo but actually feel too NORMAL for my age, everyone else seems to be too extreme for me in one way or another (too nerdy, too much of a jock, too hippy, too bogan/Australian redneck, too religious, too much of a criminal, etc.)

I like to make electronic music (electronic is popular here, but not the kind that I make), sports and exercise (gym, running, cycling, watching football, hiking, etc.) read books like harry potter, the halo novels, assassins creed books, play adventure open world games like assassins creed, watch movies here and there and animated tv series (not anime, just regular American animation).

I want to get into growing my own organic fruits and vegetables.

I don't keep up with modern movies, tv shows, video games, etc. and actually dislike a lot of modern movies and games.

I do like popular series but I don't keep up with the newest stuff in the series.

I like to discover a new thing at my own pace when I choose to and not when it's brand new.

For example I love the Halo games, but I'm still playing halo 1 and 3 while most people have moved on and only play halo 4, 5 and soon 6.

Just like how I might like the old star wars movies but everyones seen the new one and wants to talk about that one (f*cking hate the new one)

I also don't play video games online. Ever. And it seems everyone else does.

People don't want to make the effort to come to your house anymore, so if you meet someone who plays the same video games as you, instead of asking if they can come over, they'll ask if you play online and ask for your PS4 or Xbox gamer ID but as soon as I tell them I don't play online that basically kills any opportunity of making a new friend with them.

Anyway, I can't meet people at all.

Aside from a bit of volunteering last year, I've done nothing since I graduated high school.

I'm too disabled to work and don't know what I want to study.

I'm too smart for my own good in this regard. A lot of people my age start studying which I think is very stupid for an 18 year old to just jump into university study straight away and so quickly.

Haven't tried any meetup groups yet but you've got to be 18 and I've only been 18 since late last year.

It doesn't help I have Agoraphobia.

I'm not an introvert or shy.

I have trouble connecting with others my age because we almost never share interests and the majority of conversations with them bore me to death, so this is why I don't talk much. I simply choose to be quiet if a conversation doesn't interest me, which is a lot of the time because it feels like everyone is so different to me, even when I still feel like this shouldn't be true because I'm a very normal person. Nothing to do with shyness.

And just because I have agoraphobia, a fear of leaving the house and going places, doesn't mean I don't enjoy going places.

I feel comfortable going out to do stuff with friends, too bad I don't have any real friends to go out and do stuff with.



RetroGamer87
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16 May 2017, 9:36 am

Outrider wrote:
I like to make electronic music (electronic is popular here, but not the kind that I make)
What kind do you make?


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Marknis
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17 May 2017, 12:42 pm

I have been told Australia has their own equivalent of rednecks called bogans but I thought they wouldn't be as bad as the rednecks but what Outrider mentioned is just plain scary, especially how he says there are more churches than schools where he is from. It sounds like he lives in an area that is like the Bible Belt.



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17 May 2017, 12:50 pm

Outrider wrote:
I don't really have any advice, just that I know what you're going through and how you feel.

It's even worse here in Australia.

It doesn't matter if you live in a small town or big city, a lot of young men here like hunting, fishing, fast cars/utes/big trucks, camping, etc.

I would never hunt an animal for no reason, I'd only kill an animal in self defense (but id try to escape first) or if I was going to eat it. Never tried fishing but I imagine it's boring. I like getting out to nature, mainly walking through forests and beaches, but swimming is too inactive, standing or sitting in the same spot for so long. For me, a car is just to get me somewhere. I can't drive yet anyway but I wouldn't need a car to be fast, just fast enough to get me around. And I don't need a car that can do off-road since I'd almost never go off-road. I dislike camping, very intolerable for me without the comforts of home. It's overrated. Clothes get ruined, all your stuff gets dirty, etc.

Doesn't help this is a very conservative city full of old people. There are more churches here than schools and there's about 20-30 schools. There's a church on every corner.

There's also a lot of nerdy and geeky people here in Australia who like anime, video games, superhero movies, sci-fi, etc.

There's a lot of bro/jock type males who like gym, surfing, football, music festivals, partying and have stylish haircuts like undercuts (google it) and wear tight V-neck t-shirts.

Unfortunately, I don't fall into any of the three types of people I just listed above.

I don't understand why I can't get along with or connect with other people my age either, because my interests really aren't strange and I don't see myself as a weirdo.

I have a very normal and ordinary personality, I don't feel like a weirdo but actually feel too NORMAL for my age, everyone else seems to be too extreme for me in one way or another (too nerdy, too much of a jock, too hippy, too bogan/Australian redneck, too religious, too much of a criminal, etc.)

I like to make electronic music (electronic is popular here, but not the kind that I make), sports and exercise (gym, running, cycling, watching football, hiking, etc.) read books like harry potter, the halo novels, assassins creed books, play adventure open world games like assassins creed, watch movies here and there and animated tv series (not anime, just regular American animation).

I want to get into growing my own organic fruits and vegetables.

I don't keep up with modern movies, tv shows, video games, etc. and actually dislike a lot of modern movies and games.

I do like popular series but I don't keep up with the newest stuff in the series.

I like to discover a new thing at my own pace when I choose to and not when it's brand new.

For example I love the Halo games, but I'm still playing halo 1 and 3 while most people have moved on and only play halo 4, 5 and soon 6.

Just like how I might like the old star wars movies but everyones seen the new one and wants to talk about that one (f*cking hate the new one)

I also don't play video games online. Ever. And it seems everyone else does.

People don't want to make the effort to come to your house anymore, so if you meet someone who plays the same video games as you, instead of asking if they can come over, they'll ask if you play online and ask for your PS4 or Xbox gamer ID but as soon as I tell them I don't play online that basically kills any opportunity of making a new friend with them.

Anyway, I can't meet people at all.

Aside from a bit of volunteering last year, I've done nothing since I graduated high school.

I'm too disabled to work and don't know what I want to study.

I'm too smart for my own good in this regard. A lot of people my age start studying which I think is very stupid for an 18 year old to just jump into university study straight away and so quickly.

Haven't tried any meetup groups yet but you've got to be 18 and I've only been 18 since late last year.

It doesn't help I have Agoraphobia.

I'm not an introvert or shy.

I have trouble connecting with others my age because we almost never share interests and the majority of conversations with them bore me to death, so this is why I don't talk much. I simply choose to be quiet if a conversation doesn't interest me, which is a lot of the time because it feels like everyone is so different to me, even when I still feel like this shouldn't be true because I'm a very normal person. Nothing to do with shyness.

And just because I have agoraphobia, a fear of leaving the house and going places, doesn't mean I don't enjoy going places.

I feel comfortable going out to do stuff with friends, too bad I don't have any real friends to go out and do stuff with.


I felt pressured into Uni by society, my parents, and my own foolish pride just as I was starting to develop depression. In hindsight, it was a terrible idea. I needed to get better before I attempted something as serious as Uni. Of course now with an enormous god-damned debt I have no choice but to finish my degree or it'll have been all for nothing, but my mental health is still deteriorating.

Don't rush yourself into University if you're not ready.

You actually remind me of myself in a lot of ways. Don't follow the mainstream culture but don't directly avoid it in an attempt to stand out; you simply happen to be interested in other things. What kind of electronic music do you make? Got any examples? Or at least some random music tunes of a similar style?



RetroGamer87
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17 May 2017, 10:35 pm

Outrider wrote:
I'm too disabled to work and don't know what I want to study.
I'm too smart for my own good in this regard. A lot of people my age start studying which I think is very stupid for an 18 year old to just jump into university study straight away and so quickly.[/quote]Try telling that to my cousins who decide what they want to do in high school, enter into university at 18, graduate at 22 and then spend the rest of their lives being completely satisfied with their well paid jobs.

Sabreclaw wrote:
I felt pressured into Uni by society, my parents, and my own foolish pride just as I was starting to develop depression. In hindsight, it was a terrible idea. I needed to get better before I attempted something as serious as Uni. Of course now with an enormous god-damned debt I have no choice but to finish my degree or it'll have been all for nothing, but my mental health is still deteriorating.

Don't rush yourself into University if you're not ready.
This almost makes me not feel ashamed that I never went to university.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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18 May 2017, 12:31 am

Some blue collar professions are better than degree-based jobs and they *never* get unemployed or without work; and can be on their own.

The demand on them never ends.



314pe
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18 May 2017, 12:37 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
Don't rush yourself into University if you're not ready.

Good tip. While education is a very important factor when looking for a partner, it doesn't guarantee that you will find someone. Good pay is another important factor, of course.
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Some blue collar professions are better than degree-based jobs and they *never* get unemployed or without work; and can be on their own.