Is it normal? Was I very naive?

Page 1 of 1 [ 5 posts ] 

ltcvnzl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2017
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,311
Location: brazil

27 Mar 2017, 9:02 pm

Imagine an acquaintance from opposite sex who lives in a city you want to visit offers to host you, he is very nice and insisted that you go (but he is very into traveling and mostly do it via couchsurfing and this kind of stuff). You accept to go, you arrive and there is a very big double bed (like really bed, it's enough for to people sleep without even touching) and a very small and uncomfortable sofa-bed and the person tells you you can sleep at the big bed.

Is it ok to offer for us to sleep together? Does it means some kind of sexual consent? If the person tried something with you would you felt scared about refusing, meant you are at his house, in a different country you don't speak the language and you are not even much sure about how getting out there.

It happened with me, and I still feel a bit weird about it. I like the person, and I never said no or anything, but I just feel that if I didn't want to do anything, I wouldn't be able to say no also because I would be scared.



Keigan
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 179

27 Mar 2017, 9:46 pm

Never place yourself into a situation you are not comfortable with, you must have solid trust and comfort with a friend like that. Be careful.



ltcvnzl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2017
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,311
Location: brazil

27 Mar 2017, 10:22 pm

I actually felt very comfortable with him, that's why I accepted :/ I just never had thought that he would try anything because I never thought anyone would have interest in me. After this, I'm not sure if I would trust anyone again.



Chichikov
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2016
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,151
Location: UK

28 Mar 2017, 12:19 pm

If you don't want to "do anything" then when he says he'll take the sofa just say "Thanks" and leave it at that. No need to explain or elaborate, and it will leave him in no doubt you're not interested in anything of that nature.



Bridgette77
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 23 May 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 302
Location: US.

28 Mar 2017, 3:49 pm

You should never do anything you are not comfortable doing, and you have the right to say no. Even if you are dating someone, you still have the right to say no, if you are not comfortable. When my boyfriend and I started becoming intimate, I told him right up front, if anything makes him uncomfortable, and he doesn't want to do something, to say no, stop, or he doesn't want to do something. I also let him make the first move, which frustrated him, because he thought I wasn't in to him or something, but that's a whole other topic. The point is, if you're not comfortable, no is no, and you have the right to be firm on that, regardless of where you're sleeping.