I've Become Extremely Racist and Need Help

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So I guess I have some explaining to do for that title. Well, I guess I'll first say why I'm posting here so I can hopefully keep this post from getting me banned for being in the wrong topic.

I REALLY need to get this out, it's killing me on the inside. And no, none of you are going to get offended, don't worry, unless you're disgusted, which in that case, slander me because I deserve it.

Well, for me Aspergers (or OCD) causes ugly or disturbing negative obsessions which almost always accompany a positive one. For every good thing in my life there is something equally, or even more, bad. I believe this could be influenced by the same sort of thought pattern that leads to OCD that is caused by ASD and I want to know if anyone else has bad obsessions that ruin every damn f*****g thing in your entire life.

Ok, now to the actual thing itself. So I've become extremely racist. I'm from a certain country, let's say country X. It is bordered by country A, B, Y, Z, D, I, etc. I want to be from country A, and I hate country B, and I want to eliminate country B's culture and have only A. I feel like country B has unofficially colonized country X, and destroyed country X's beautiful culture (which USE to resemble country A) into a mess of country B ugliness after country B conquered country X 100 years ago and converted the genes of everyone in country X. I feel like my facial features, my hair, body type, skin tone, speech impediments, clothing habits, and general failure to do anything in my whole life arose out of the fact that country B conquered my genetic ancestors while country A is pure and superior, and I feel like I'm incapable of doing anything because I'm from country X instead of A.

I'm ashamed and on the verge of going into hiding because I'm so extremely disgusted by these thoughts. I have severe Pure-O OCD but it's not usually this active.

I have a constant need to insult and destroy country B, and I hate the people of country B and want nothing to do with them, yet I feel like politics want country X (my country) to be as close to country B and as far from country A as possible. What the hell is wrong with me? Who the hell thinks like this? Should I just go into hiding to keep myself from hurting others because I can't stand country B?

And no, you can't guess the countries, and I'm not going to say them, ever. I'm from the US and it's not ANY country in north or south America. In fact, I would love to be from ANY OTHER COUNTRY than country X or B.

If it helps to help you understand, I've been severely bullied for race (I'm not White, Asian, or AAmerican, or Native anything, so I've always been a borderline race person, and I've come to attach so much value to race because I can't recognize anything else from others, cause I'm face blind, and I'm constantly isolated.

Please help, thanks.

While to me the A, B, C, D, X, Y, Z country thing is confusing,
what I would like to say is that there is
good and bad in every country
and every ethnic group.

You say these thoughts of yours are
an obsession more than actual racism?
Or anger at being bullied
manifesting as racism?

One possible cure might be
to think of something else,
something more positive.

Or to deal with the anger,
(if only to find healing for yourself),
and hopefully you will come across
people who treat you better in your life.

My apologies in that I am not an expert on OCD,
so probably someone with more experience, knowledge, and wisdom
in that area can give you better advice and help.

Meanwhile, I hope you will soon feel better.

Thank you very much for a response and for not judging me. Most people would tell me to go back to the south (No offense to southerners, that's just what I've received).

I just want this s**t to be over with. I'm sick of being a racist and a supremacist, I want it gone but it is stuck to my brain. I don't even know where these ideas came from. I started studying civilizations because I was trying to eliminate this racist disease.

Racism is a disease. My grandfather talks to me about this stuff, and he has the exact same issue. Obsessed with race. He says that it is a disorder and that psychology will one day diagnose us racists with an actual disorder. Hopefully they will be able to cure us.

You're not racist. You feel remorse. You try not to act on your thoughts. On some level, you don't really believe what you are thinking. I think this is connected to your OCD. Are you seeing a therapist? Maybe you could research Country B's culture and read books about that country or written by people from that country. Reading books written by people from the Middle East helped me see that while the area itself has definitely gone to hell, there's still a lot of good people there who are trying to change things and a lot of places are not affected as much by the violence. I used to think of it as just a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Now I know things are more complicated than that.

Hello, wrongcitizen. I don't know anything about OCD, so I won't comment on that except to say that if you think your racist views are OCD related, a good therapist can probably help.

What I wanted to talk to you about, instead, is the actual idea of race, and racism.

When I was a child, I learned that there really is no such thing as "race". When people adopt a racist ideology based upon this thing called "race", what they are trying to convey is that they believe there are different categories of humans. Usually, people have based these categories on skin color.

Humans, are a species, and if you want to divide them up into various groups, then you are claiming that humans as a species have some kind of groups of "SUB-species". But the truth is that the last time there were obvious sub-species of humans on Earth was when neanderthals lived. Some neanderthal genes live on in people whose ancestors migrated out of Africa long ago . . . but that is still not enough of a genetic change to say that there are different genetic categories of human. There can be more genetic difference between different groups of Africans whose ancestors have always lived in Africa, then there is between a person from Africa, and a person from Europe; simply because there has been more time for humans to develop genetic diversity on the African continent.

We are all human.

Geneticists determined in the 1940's, I think, that there is no genetic way to determine whether a person is "black" or "white", or any other group/term that people commonly use to describe what they presume is a "race". These categorizations are artificial, and ill informed.

Here is a link for you to look at, from a centrist news source, which probably explains the fallacy of "race" far better than I can:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/evolution/ ... exist.html

You can easily find other information about this subject if you search some phrase like, "does race exist?"

So . . . race doesn't really exist, but that doesn't mean that racism doesn't exist. Racism is real, and has caused, and still causes, all kinds of horrors for all kinds of people. I noticed that you mentioned that you live in the U.S., and racism here can present itself in all kinds of ways that serve to reinforce the false belief in people that "race" is real. When you go to the doctors office, and they ask you your "race", it makes you think that race must be real . . . otherwise how could these very intelligent doctors be asking people what their race is? When you fill out the census here every decade or so, and the census asks you what your "race" is, it gives the impression that if the U.S. government acknowledges that there is such a thing as "race", it must be real.

But it's not real, and you would do well to remember that not everything that every government or doctor has adopted as useful, or valid, information is actually useful or valid, at all. Doctors used to think that illness came from foul smelling air, for example. Now we know about bacteria and viruses, and most educated people would scoff at the idea that a bad odor is the actual "cause" of illness, while still acknowledging that a bad odor might be a good indicator that there could be something lying around that you shouldn't eat or drink because it might contain bacteria - and that could make you sick.

So, living in the U.S., you should realize that there is still some lingering "institutionalized racism", which can lead you to believe that "race" is an actual thing . . . but it's not in terms of science.

I noticed, too, that some of the examples that you gave referred not to "race", in terms of skin color, but politics, or national origin. This is probably more accurately referred to as "xenophobia". The definition of xenophobia calls it an extreme or irrational fear, which should indicate to you right away that it is not average, or typical; and the implication is that there is something wrong with that stance.

Now I'm not going to say that every single form of government or culture is equally "good" or "right" for you, or for me, and that your dislike of other cultures or government is wrong because they're all equal and fine. I don't believe that! But I do believe that they all have their own positives and negatives. They all seem to be a work in progress. And I do believe that government institutions that might not work for one area of the globe might be ideal in another area. Just because I don't like some of the rules another country has instituted, doesn't mean it doesn't work for them, or make sense to people who live there. And if it doesn't work for them, then they will be encouraged to change it on their own, without me or you wasting time and calories on "hating" them for it. Also, you might try to remember that just because a person lives in a given country or region, that doesn't mean that they automatically agree with the politics or cultural norms or their own area. There could be thousands of people in "country B" who also are frustrated with the way country B does things, and would whole-heartedly agree with you on your ideological positions. I'm sure you would agree that it would be unfair for a person on the other side of the globe, never having met you, assumed that because you have a few measly genes from country B inside of you, that means that you automatically agree with all of the politics and cultural norms that country B currently has.

So, Instead, it might be better to try and determine exactly what about those governments or cultures, specifically, you don't like, and why.

If you know why, then you can begin to formulate an informed, reasonable argument against that kind of government or cultural norm . . . not against the people.

I'm trying to say that I think you should learn about debate, and use that skill instead of violence to express your position regarding these things.

If you can do that, you'll be empowered to educate other people, and maybe even affect change in the world using words instead of violence. And then you won't have to worry that you should hide yourself away because you might hurt others.

Lastly, I want to say that I noticed you said that you've been severely bullied for "race". I don't mean to put words in your mouth, but it seemed from your last paragraph that you have negative feelings about being bullied for "race". So it seems that you should be able to empathize with others who don't want to be bullied for superficial, artificial, or imaginary "reasons" like "race", or "nationality". It almost appears that you have intentionally "made" yourself racist and xenophobic in reaction to and deference to racism and xenophobia that was inflicted upon you. Sort of like an, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality.

And that is not the healthiest approach for you or your community. If you didn't appreciate being the victim of racism and xenophobia, then you shouldn't inflict racism and xenophobia upon others.

Some people might advise you with the old adage from the sermon on the mount, "All things whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye even so unto them." Or mosaic law, "Whatever is hurtful to you, do not do to any other person." Or the Wiccan Rede, "An ye harm none, do what ye will."

I think maybe you feel bad for a few reasons...?

Society says what you believe is wrong and you do not want to feel hated by society?

You know that you do not fully believe that genetics is the driving force of all that is pleasant and unpleasant in the world, yet you obsess over it anyway because it feels good on some level?

I personally see that there are cultural and genetic differences in people. What helps me is to just focus on the fact that all cultures and ethnicities have individuals of all types in them. There is really no right or wrong or good or bad when it comes to life, ultimately.

I know someone who lives in country 1 and hates country 2, also at the same time feeling somewhat related to country 2, and hating on themselves. They really like country 3 and 4. They are racist. Only they aren't open minded enough to allow themselves to feel bad for hating country 2, or their own country which has been in the past invaded by country 2.

They also feel that if they had more empathy for country 2, they would have to feel more pain for those people who are suffering, I believe. It's natural to want to seperate yourself emotionally from others who are causing you harm. They want badly to seperate themselves, in some way, from those invaders, the entire country as they see it.

What helps you get over obsessions?
For me, I dive into interests and explore while at the same time knowing I'll be able to step back later and get a better perspective once details are explored. However, I don't have ocd..

That's low self of worth that is. I've become racist over these past tenures, you need to accept that being that can only affect you, and when you are you, you, you and no one else that's when you never look back!

Blaming others for colonisation and cultural loss happens a lot where I'm originally from, but I only interpret it as a sign of weakness. The strong persevere while the weak get hurtful and blame the strong for their own weakness.

Also, there is a country on my home continent (I'm not going to say which) that tends to blame itself for having colonised half the world, and wants to make up for it by doing the exact opposite by letting everyone in from everywhere else. That country basically lets itself be colonised, and thus puts itself in the weakest of all the weak positions there is.

We have to accept the fact that humanity is part of nature. We're not above it, and never will be. In nature, there's no justice, only power. If power is in the hands of the just, we get a prosperous world. If it's in the hands of the weak and stupid, like it is nowadays, we get a BS society where everybody labels everyone racist, and nothing ever gets done.

In a Star Wars point of view, I think there's some truth in what the Jedi say about acceptance (from their own point of view), but the Sith way is much closer to the objective truth of mother nature and mankind. The strong win, and the weak fall, and there's no justice in it.

All in all, my friend, accept yourself for who you are, embrace your and your country's past, and grow above it. Look towards the future, see what you, as a person, can do for your own happiness. Don't be limited by thoughts of race and past. It only leads to pointless anger. Whatever people say, I still think race exists, but it shouldn't be a limiting factor in our pursuit of happiness.

The weak waste time and energy to blame, but the strong find ways to live even in this harsh, unjust 21st century.

I can pretty much agree, AusWolf.

To me, the best way not to be a racist against ANY race is to hang out with people of that race----under "human" terms, not stereotypically racial ones. This means a white person shouldn't act like a stereotypical black person, and vice versa.

From personal experience: Before I was able to seriously hang out with black people (when I was about 11), I possessed all the racist notions handed down to me from my family, and from society in general. After I actually hung out with actual PEOPLE, though, those notions went down the toilet.

The key, really, is to get away from ideology in this instance, and move towards what is real. Hang out with real people---don't hang out with academic philosophical notions all the time.

Racism is a mindset which one race (let's use the daleks as a hypothetical) deems itself to be superior and all others inferior.

Fascinating reading.

Freud and Zbignew Bryzinski should join forces to psychoanylze your unique combination of neuroses and geopolitics.



I had to draw a little map to keep your "Continent" of countries straight. Little circles bordering each other with letter labels.

But I think that I got it.

So you're racist. But you're racist against yourself because you supposedly have this "impure" ancestry. And the way that works is that you blame your mental problems on the fact that you inherited impure genes from the conquering armies that conquered you country centuries ago?

But I get the impression that you know that all of that is really nonsense. But you cant stop obsessing about it.

.

I am sure that other people in you country have the same mixed ancestry as you. And I hope you realize that most of these mixed blood people are not afflicted with the same conditions you have. So you cant blame this ancient conquest of your country for your personal present day issues (psychiatric, or otherwise).