Do you have anyone in your life who you can truly confide in

Page 1 of 3 [ 39 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

TheWalrys435
Raven
Raven

Joined: 22 Jan 2017
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 108
Location: USA

12 May 2017, 4:37 pm

I'm curious about other aspies social/relationship situations. Loneliness and feelings of alienation/isolation are common threads in aspie life. For myself, I have some loving family members and a couple of "friends" but none of them are true confidants in the sense that I can just be myself without putting up any guards because of my aspieness. Do you have anyone you can completely let your guard down with in your life?



whatamievendoing
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Aug 2016
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,336
Location: Finland

12 May 2017, 4:56 pm

Yes - my BFF.


_________________
“They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.”
― Kurt Cobain


BrokenPieces
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Mar 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 714
Location: Somewhere only we know.

12 May 2017, 6:09 pm

I don't. My sister is as close as I can get but I still see her facial expression change dramatically when I do or say something being truly myself. So I suppress it almost all the time. I'm a little more relaxed around her but I wouldn't say I'm really myself.



Canary
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Sep 2016
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 603
Location: Midwest

12 May 2017, 7:24 pm

I would say yes, though not locally. It's been a long time since I had real friends around here. I have a couple friends I've known online for years who've struggled with things like depression, etc, too, so we're able to talk about that openly.



ZachGoodwin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,065

12 May 2017, 8:06 pm

I really advise that you find someone locally to confide in rather than online. Online people are going to more than likely be passive rather than focus on the issues you have. I know the outside can be terrifying, but take the steps to go outside and meet new people you can't find on your computer.

Try also to strengthen your relationship with your family even though that can be difficult. For example, I never wanted to in my life be the mommy and daddy issues kid, so what I did was I kept on exercising and I focused on working hard without any complaint even though I am only human.



shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,757

12 May 2017, 9:32 pm

for the past 6 months, got a counselor. once a week for one hour. she is much better than all the other ones I have had, thus far. she ain't obsessed with mandated reporter duties. she is professional. she did not remark on my appearance, walking gait, etc. she did not give me syrupy condescending compliments. the insurance pays for 6 more months with her. once every 2 weeks. one hour each. then no more interaction. feel so much better after getting her.

in the past, could not "truly confide in" anyone. precious lil "friends" betrayed me. there were some exceptions, but that was not much interaction and not much depth of interaction. plenty of former precious lil "friends" ended up homophobic. some of them made comments about my appearance. some of them just had big egos.



Canary
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Sep 2016
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 603
Location: Midwest

12 May 2017, 9:32 pm

ZachGoodwin wrote:
I really advise that you find someone locally to confide in rather than online. Online people are going to more than likely be passive rather than focus on the issues you have. I know the outside can be terrifying, but take the steps to go outside and meet new people you can't find on your computer.

Try also to strengthen your relationship with your family even though that can be difficult. For example, I never wanted to in my life be the mommy and daddy issues kid, so what I did was I kept on exercising and I focused on working hard without any complaint even though I am only human.


My relationships with my family are fine, and I can choose my own friends, thanks--you don't know my issues. Focus on yourself.



CyclopsSummers
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,172
Location: The Netherlands

13 May 2017, 12:27 am

I have my mother, other than her there is no one I can confide in; I've no friends, no true acquaintances, and none of my co-workers or other relatives are particularly close. It often makes me feel very lonely, especially as years go on.


_________________
clarity of thought before rashness of action


TheWalrys435
Raven
Raven

Joined: 22 Jan 2017
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 108
Location: USA

13 May 2017, 12:55 am

BrokenPieces wrote:
I don't. My sister is as close as I can get but I still see her facial expression change dramatically when I do or say something being truly myself. So I suppress it almost all the time. I'm a little more relaxed around her but I wouldn't say I'm really myself.

Interesting Raven, because I have the same thing with my only sibling. He's a little more obvious about my oddness though. He doesn't even try to hide how strange he finds me to be. A lot of head shaking or sighing when I talk about things or perspectives of things that I find interesting or whatever. In some ways, we're like any two close siblings, but when I really talk about being me, he sighs and gets noticibly frustrated. So even with my brother, I put myself in "check" the same way I do with the rest of the NT world.



TheWalrys435
Raven
Raven

Joined: 22 Jan 2017
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 108
Location: USA

13 May 2017, 1:16 am

Canary wrote:
I would say yes, though not locally. It's been a long time since I had real friends around here. I have a couple friends I've known online for years who've struggled with things like depression, etc, too, so we're able to talk about that openly.


I think I understand. There's a certain type of privacy that you can have when the person you're communicating with lives far away. You're not experiencing the same social interaction that you do if they're someone who lives in your town and knows the same people. Couple that with typing your words out and having time to process what the other person is tryin to communicate with you, and the whole nature of the relationship is different. It really is more like letter writing. I've had some good interaction of this kind with people online.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

13 May 2017, 3:05 am

Yes, I can really be myself in front of my family. Also I can confide in my family, friends and a few people at work. Oh, and my boyfriend too.

Sometimes I find men a bit harder than women to confide in though, because men seem to see things from a logical point of view, where as women see things from an emotional point of view.


_________________
Female


ZachGoodwin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,065

13 May 2017, 5:51 pm

Canary wrote:
ZachGoodwin wrote:
I really advise that you find someone locally to confide in rather than online. Online people are going to more than likely be passive rather than focus on the issues you have. I know the outside can be terrifying, but take the steps to go outside and meet new people you can't find on your computer.

Try also to strengthen your relationship with your family even though that can be difficult. For example, I never wanted to in my life be the mommy and daddy issues kid, so what I did was I kept on exercising and I focused on working hard without any complaint even though I am only human.


My relationships with my family are fine, and I can choose my own friends, thanks--you don't know my issues. Focus on yourself.


I agree, I do not know your issues, and I do not know how to solve your issues. I will go ahead and focus on my own issues. I had no idea that my comment turned out to be rude. I thought that my comment looked like a helping response to the questions asked in this thread, and not an annoyance. Sorry for the mean comment.



TheWalrys435
Raven
Raven

Joined: 22 Jan 2017
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 108
Location: USA

14 May 2017, 11:10 pm

CyclopsSummers wrote:
I have my mother, other than her there is no one I can confide in; I've no friends, no true acquaintances, and none of my co-workers or other relatives are particularly close. It often makes me feel very lonely, especially as years go on.



Yeah. I relate a lot. My mother, being a mother, reacts better to me than anyone else in the world now that my fathers gone. She allows me to be myself without judgement for the most part. But even my mother doesn't understand the rigidity of my ideas on certain issues...and regardless of how important these issues are to me and however much exposition I give, she just can not understand some of my core beliefs. Yup, even my mom thinks I'm screwy.



domino
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 76
Location: atwater, california

17 May 2017, 8:43 pm

I confide in only myself and on the ever rare occasion...my mother.


_________________
God, grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. -The Serenity Prayer


MjrMajorMajor
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,714

18 May 2017, 12:15 am

I confide in my husband mostly, and others occasionally. People can be supportive, but I've rarely felt understood.



traven
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Sep 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,112

18 May 2017, 1:34 am

most dangerous thing to do, it allows psychopaths to hook into that, everytime
or no, no one wants to know, listen
some want to hear you out if there's some gossip to spread, some turn around while you're answerring their inquiry
really, decency drops instantly when you're judged belower,
and you're sure judged belower by the low on QIs, instantly, its weird but a dangerous thing, too

- seriously, some spent time to come see you, after some (just one or two seconds) serious talk, there's only priority to not let you talk no more :scratch:
listened all my life, heard everything hundreds of times till it got f-ing boring, but apparently it's never your turn

people ask for things they don't even want to hear you say anything about, really
and get angry, if you dare say more than three words they haven't asked for
ears are a burden in the human world,

and talking is the weapon to shut the ears, that's why it's used aggressively
assaulting the ears while shutting its own, who needs weapons of mass destruction?
:skull: :mrgreen: