I don't like my disability

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Hi. So my name's Luke, I'm 15, and from the UK. I'm 6'3" with a lean muscular build. I've got blue eyes and brown hair, and I guess I'm not too ugly. I'm a smart, mostly well behaved student; I'm in most my high school's sports teams (we're county champions in a lot of them); and I guess I have a fairly large circle of friends. On the surface it sounds perfectly normal, doesn't it? Wrong.

So it turns out I'm plagued by a mental disability I was born with. Thanks so much mum and dad, I really appreciate it.

Socially, around new people (who are probably judgemental), I'm a complete mess. This is especially prevelant with girls. I have a friend, we'll call him Jack. Jack is shorter and stockier than me, but he has got a decent amount of muscle for our age. So Jack has the ability to walk up to a group of girls, start a conversation and keep it going. Me? I find myself unable to bring up any topic at all, and I also struggle with talking to them because I don't think I can measure up to my friends. So as an alternative I walk away elsewhere.

Whilst all my friends are going to all these girl's parties I just stay at home, play some video games or sport. I honestly feel like I'm missing out on the best parts of being a teenager simply because I can't talk to these people. What am I supposed to do, because I feel that Aspergers is ruining my social life; and despite what all these people say about it making you "unique," I don't want to be unique. I want to be normal.

That part you said about how you feel like you're missing out on the best part of being a teenager really resonates with me.. Honestly i'm by myself basically 24/7. Other than one or two people I talk to at school, I don't have friends, go to parties, or anything like that.. can't really do it, personally . Wish I could just be normal as well, at least in this area

Wow, I totally get what you mean. When people find out about my Asperger's, people don't actually believe I have it cause I seem too "normal."

My names Eden, nice to meet you. I'm in a similar situation I suppose. I'm 15, from the UK, long brown hair and green eyes never really liked the way I look though. I'm fairly intelligent despite missing a lot of school. I have one friend but she's amazing so it's kind of okay. I understand how you feel entirely. I'm classed as a high functioning autistic which is what it sounds like you are too. You're intelligent and you haven't mentioned any "typical autistic behaviours" you just struggle with the social stuff x I get it. I'm terrified of people and I hate it and I just wish I could be normal like my other siblings and be able to start and hold conversations and be able to walk up to people. It's difficult I know. But we're stuck with it sadly. It is known to get a bit better with age however, but it can't be cured. There's not much we can do now apart from go about our lives and do our best. It's even worse s we are both at the age we're naturally we aren't good with talking but mix it with the aspergers/autism and it's a mess. Talk about it with someone at school or your friends. Adults are way more accepting than people our age to be quite frank. It'll be better ya know x just gotta push through the tough stuff in life til it gets a bit easier to handle. Just know you are not alone.

I feel a bit odd about my identity. I feel that I strongly dislike my life because of how my autism impacts me, but if I could go back and choose to be born neurotypical, I probably wouldn't. Yes my life is harder than most in many different social, emotional, and mental areas, but I also have the gift of seeing the world through a totally different and unique lens than the average person. Being autistic has given me the ability to weed out sh***y and toxic people almost immediately after meeting them because people do not put on a 'nice act' in front of me, because they don't care to impress me, because to them I am "weird". They don't see the point in being nice or a suck-up to a total loser, so they don't. Basically I am saying that there are no "fake" people in my life, because all of the fake people and douchebags reveal their true personalities to me as soon as they meet me, instead of catching me off guard later on in our relationship. I have the comfort of knowing that the (very small) amount of people in my life are here because they genuinely care about me and are good people.

I think that this skill will help me in the dating scene as well because I have the ability to weed out the douchebags and jerks (both men and women) who are just in the relationship for sex (because yikes do I ever have emotional baggage). I'd like to be upfront when I grow up and just put it on my dating site that I am on the spectrum, so I know that the only people who will contact and message me are people who are okay with being in relationship with an autistic person. I understand some people aren't ok with dating an autistic, and I am okay with that, but I just don't want to find that out AFTER I have already wasted my time with them on a date.

Last edited by PossiblyBisexualCanadian on 17 Jun 2017, 5:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I hope that's just idle sarcasm, but you do realize, I'm sure, your parents didn't pick this out for you. They never sat down and said to each other "We don't want life to be too easy, do we? Let's add a lifelong birth defect that will hobble our beloved child in every aspect of their existence till their dying day. What a splendid character-building challenge!" It does no good to spend your life blaming others for something that can't be helped.

Trust me, as your life goes on, you're going to find yourself very much in need of those few close friends and family members who will stick by you and be supportive, while the rest of the world is taking a truck-sized dump on you, simply because they can. We typically don't have the resources or ability to defend ourselves from bullies, be they individuals or the bureaucratic governmental system, so anyone who loves you enough to stick up for you is a valuable asset.



As the saying goes: "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride."

We've been dealt the hand we're holding, and there's no changing that. However, as bleak as it may seem sometimes, a handicap may hold you back, but only YOU can let it defeat you. I had the same difficulties at the same age. I had a cousin literally my exact age, who was as nice a person as you could want to meet, but such a dim bulb it was astounding he had the brainpower to walk and breathe at the same time - yet he had no trouble chatting up the girls, making girlfriends, getting laid - while I could only smile and nod and wish someone would talk to me.

But eventually, they did. Circumstances had a lot to do with it. First, my family moved from the hometown I was familiar and comfortable with, to a large city, where I was literally swallowed up by my own anonymity. I went to a huge school where I was invisible, for two years. I was used to it. School had always been that way for me.

Then we moved to a small town, where the people were much friendlier - and things began to change. Slowly. Oh, I was still an outsider, but I did make a handful of friends, and eventually screwed up my courage enough to go on a date once or twice, which I completely blew, by being too desperate and expecting romance to bloom instantaneously. FYI: most high school girls are not interested in marriage after only one date (and beware the ones who are).

Eventually, I got a job which helped me develop my social skills, and while I was never as suave and competent as the Type-A guys, I did okay. I married, raised kids, and for a time was almost functionally "normal." My track record for long-term relationships is still not good, so I won't blow sunshine up yer proverbial skirt, and now that I'm older and retired on disability, I'm right back in the same boat I was in years ago. I never go anywhere to meet people, so when I do, my once passable social skills have atrophied, and I find myself frequently unable to speak, much less make a connection (of course, now, most of the women my age are married or crazy, and the younger ones are not interested in awkward old dudes with no money).

The point being, I started out with the same handicaps you have, and I did not spend my entire life alone. You won't, either. With a little patience and luck, you may do much better. Autism is definitely a disability, but it's not a lifelong sentence to solitary confinement.

Honestly, thank you for the well thought out response. I understand what you're saying, with the fact that I've been born with this and I can't change that.

I can also understand what you've mentioned about patience. However, I will disagree with being patient for the most part. This is mainly because I've had to be patient for four years to try and even make friends with some girls to help develop. However, whilst my social skills have improved, it still isn't working out. I'm still doing something wrong, evidently.

Likewise, at first, I also expected romance to bloom instantly, but I learned the truth of it the hard way. And at this point, after trying and failing to even merely becoming friends with girls, they all suspect I have some ulterior motive. I don't, mind you, but it still is incredibly frustrating. And honestly, count yourself lucky you even went on dates in the first place.

I even got to the point where I gave up on talking to girls my age and started talking to older girls. They'd start out promising, we'd get along, etc, but then I'll just be dropped without an answer. I'm not sure if they're uncomfortable with my age or not, it's just confusing.

I have that exact response from my friends. All of them were so shocked about it.

I would recommend not disclosing that to friends at your age, teenagers gossip and thus can't keep secrets (yes, there are anomalies), and before you know it the fact that you have Asperger's will be used against you.

Keep in mind I've only told about four people, and these are people who only found out this year, when I've known all of them for 3+ years. And if some twat thinks it's funny to take the mick then they can get smashed.

I totally get the "missing out on being a teenager" part. I'm gonna finish high school in about 5 months, and I feel like I haven't really had a normal teenage life. While the girls in my class have partied with boys and stuff, and lived through lots of drama, I pretty much stayed home by myself studying and watching netflix.
I have difficulty in looking directly in people's eyes when talking to them, and with boys it gets worse. It's hard to look at them directly, and even when I do, it's really hard to talk. I just get stuck. I've literally ran off countless times.
I know what you mean, you are not alone.

I think the worst part is when people forget all over again so you have to remind them when they get mad at you for misunderstandings.

I wouldn't say I "hate" it, really. But I certainly don't "like" it. I try to do the best I can with it.

I feel angry about the lot I was born with sometimes. It's really hard to be born different, as all of you probably know. It can be scary, and frustrating, and especially isolating... There were times I wished I was never born in the first place. But there are also times I am so proud of myself, and so happy to be me. I may not have some of the strengths neurotypicals have, like socializing, or normal sensory tolerance, or half decent executive functioning, but I am strong and smart, and empathetic to people's struggles, and I am really good at being honest and straightforward with people. When I care about things, I care about them passionately, and what I am good at, I am very good at. Oddly enough, there are a lot of people who are even jealous of me. (Which makes me so irritated on my bad days- those people have no idea.) But anyway, even if sometimes I feel so lonely and broken I don't know how I'll ever survive, I don't think I could say I hate my Asperger's. It's a part of who I am, for better or for worse, and that's just something I need to accept and learn to live with. All I can do is the best I can with what I've got.

I hate my OCD much more.

A few years ago, I would've said "it's a part of who I am, and I wouldn't change it". Now, I want a f*****g cure.