12 Jun 2017, 8:42 pm
12 Jun 2017, 8:46 pm
12 Jun 2017, 10:06 pm
12 Jun 2017, 10:22 pm
12 Jun 2017, 11:03 pm
Hmm. Long answer -
You certainly don't read like a happy person and that's unfortunate for you.
In many ways, not the least of which in regard to your problem is that people are generally more attracted to happy, upbeat, positive, easygoing, confident people. That noted though, individual tastes can vary, and perhaps you can capitalize on those? After all, many women find shy, sensitive men attractive. Especially those who have been mistreated by macho, "alpha" types trampling them for the sake of their own egos. Such women may also find men who are able to be open and honest about their struggles and vulnerabilities to be appealing, because they're relatable. I have been told this by women before.
As to depression and venting - perhaps your mother is just over-saturated. If you behave this way around her a lot, she may have reached a limit of what she can take from you, and is directing you elsewhere - perhaps places not entirely helpful, like into a medication bottle. It is draining to be around someone who just constantly unloads on you. Parents may feel that part of being an adult is learning to manage yourself, hence her telling you to work on yourself in your own way.
I too have spent far too long feeling like I was sitting in life's waiting room, waiting for things to start. Like if I could just get this done, then I'd be living life. Or if that situation was different, well then I could start getting going. There is a saying - "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."
This is your life. Now. You're breathing in and out, you're having experiences every day. This is it. This is what you're going to remember in the future, your experience of being alive. It's started already. It's a cliche, but making the most of what you have now in the present really is worthwhile. I find mindfulness practice useful in this way.
Also constantly dwelling on your problems and letting them be your life isn't helpful. I've done far too much of this too. Another saying I ran across - "don't let your struggle become your story."
I took that to mean a shift in focus. Instead of navel-gazing about everything you don't have, everything that's wrong with you, and impotently pining for situations that could only fix every problem you've ever had, look to improving what you can do right now instead, and make your life something other than just all these problems.
Interests help, I found. Shifting focus away from yourself, from self-obsession, and onto a topic you find interesting and engaging. This can ironically often be easier for autistics, if you can jump on a special interest.
This can help people engage with you. Instead of being a self-obsessive person, constantly venting your troubles, you're instead coming across as someone who is passionate and interested about something, and it can be very energizing and help to take you out of yourself and your issues. Even if a woman doesn't share your interest, at least she may be interested in you for being a passionate and externally engaged person. Step away from the computer! 
Perhaps you could try something more active, to improve your physical limitations? What could you do that would improve your coordination, working speed and awkwardness? Perhaps physical training, like a form of martial arts? Or dance? This could teach your brain some physical grace and improve your movement.
I sympathize on the speech issues, I have this too. But when I do have to speak, I try to "own" it. Yes, I speak strangely, softly, and in a highly idiosyncratic way, and people don't always understand my speech. But that's part of what I am. Just something about me, like the colour of my hair. I'm not suggesting you don't make improvements - I have had speech therapy in the past, and am in the process of organizing surgery to correct some of my physical dysphonia. Nonverbally, I learn to sign. Have you considered similar methods, to improve your speech issues? All I mean is you don't have to equate some speech problems with absolute, negative conclusions that only reach from A to B - A) you have a speech problem. B) you'll never get a girlfriend because of it. It doesn't have to be that simple.
I too have sleeping issues - not apnea, but severe delayed sleep phase syndrome and insomnia. Again, improvements can be worked on - I'm currently overhauling my methods. I no longer take the sleeping drugs I was on, switched to herbal remedies, changed my lifestyle to better enforce a sleep schedule, and am organizing to take sleep-related CBT. Have you thought of any ways you could improve your sleep, even with the machine? Talked to the doctor who put you on it? Look into alternative ways to strengthen your respiratory muscles, if the machine is just too intrusive for you? I once read that learning to play physically difficult wind instruments, such as a clarinet, or instruments that require specialized techniques of circular breathing such as the didgeridoo, can actually cure patients of potentially harmful sleep apnea. Might be worth research.
I wouldn't envy women in online dating too quickly - many, if not all, get harassed just for being a woman and dating online. They get men spamming them with lewd messages, asking them for sex, sending them pictures of their penises, etc. Again, women have told me these things, of their experiences using tindr.
Why so focused on a potential partner's physical aspects? Even if she was a woman with special needs, or another autistic, it may be more helpful to focus on finding a woman you're actually compatible with, regardless of how "cute" she is.
Eh, I don't even read in the politics, religion and philosophy forum anymore, it's all just American politicians. If you can't contain yourself in there, maybe give that forum a rest for a while.
I hope you can get proactive and start to help yourself out. You deserve to be happy and live a fulfilling life, and you often read like you're very down and not doing well. I wish you success. 
13 Jun 2017, 12:00 am
You certainly don't read like a happy person and that's unfortunate for you.
In many ways, not the least of which in regard to your problem is that people are generally more attracted to happy, upbeat, positive, easygoing, confident people. That noted though, individual tastes can vary, and perhaps you can capitalize on those? After all, many women find shy, sensitive men attractive. Especially those who have been mistreated by macho, "alpha" types trampling them for the sake of their own egos. Such women may also find men who are able to be open and honest about their struggles and vulnerabilities to be appealing, because they're relatable. I have been told this by women before.
As to depression and venting - perhaps your mother is just over-saturated. If you behave this way around her a lot, she may have reached a limit of what she can take from you, and is directing you elsewhere - perhaps places not entirely helpful, like into a medication bottle. It is draining to be around someone who just constantly unloads on you. Parents may feel that part of being an adult is learning to manage yourself, hence her telling you to work on yourself in your own way.
I too have spent far too long feeling like I was sitting in life's waiting room, waiting for things to start. Like if I could just get this done, then I'd be living life. Or if that situation was different, well then I could start getting going. There is a saying - "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."
This is your life. Now. You're breathing in and out, you're having experiences every day. This is it. This is what you're going to remember in the future, your experience of being alive. It's started already. It's a cliche, but making the most of what you have now in the present really is worthwhile. I find mindfulness practice useful in this way.
Also constantly dwelling on your problems and letting them be your life isn't helpful. I've done far too much of this too. Another saying I ran across - "don't let your struggle become your story."
I took that to mean a shift in focus. Instead of navel-gazing about everything you don't have, everything that's wrong with you, and impotently pining for situations that could only fix every problem you've ever had, look to improving what you can do right now instead, and make your life something other than just all these problems.
Interests help, I found. Shifting focus away from yourself, from self-obsession, and onto a topic you find interesting and engaging. This can ironically often be easier for autistics, if you can jump on a special interest.
This can help people engage with you. Instead of being a self-obsessive person, constantly venting your troubles, you're instead coming across as someone who is passionate and interested about something, and it can be very energizing and help to take you out of yourself and your issues. Even if a woman doesn't share your interest, at least she may be interested in you for being a passionate and externally engaged person. Step away from the computer!
Perhaps you could try something more active, to improve your physical limitations? What could you do that would improve your coordination, working speed and awkwardness? Perhaps physical training, like a form of martial arts? Or dance? This could teach your brain some physical grace and improve your movement.
I sympathize on the speech issues, I have this too. But when I do have to speak, I try to "own" it. Yes, I speak strangely, softly, and in a highly idiosyncratic way, and people don't always understand my speech. But that's part of what I am. Just something about me, like the colour of my hair. I'm not suggesting you don't make improvements - I have had speech therapy in the past, and am in the process of organizing surgery to correct some of my physical dysphonia. Nonverbally, I learn to sign. Have you considered similar methods, to improve your speech issues? All I mean is you don't have to equate some speech problems with absolute, negative conclusions that only reach from A to B - A) you have a speech problem. B) you'll never get a girlfriend because of it. It doesn't have to be that simple.
I too have sleeping issues - not apnea, but severe delayed sleep phase syndrome and insomnia. Again, improvements can be worked on - I'm currently overhauling my methods. I no longer take the sleeping drugs I was on, switched to herbal remedies, changed my lifestyle to better enforce a sleep schedule, and am organizing to take sleep-related CBT. Have you thought of any ways you could improve your sleep, even with the machine? Talked to the doctor who put you on it? Look into alternative ways to strengthen your respiratory muscles, if the machine is just too intrusive for you? I once read that learning to play physically difficult wind instruments, such as a clarinet, or instruments that require specialized techniques of circular breathing such as the didgeridoo, can actually cure patients of potentially harmful sleep apnea. Might be worth research.
I wouldn't envy women in online dating too quickly - many, if not all, get harassed just for being a woman and dating online. They get men spamming them with lewd messages, asking them for sex, sending them pictures of their penises, etc. Again, women have told me these things, of their experiences using tindr.
Why so focused on a potential partner's physical aspects? Even if she was a woman with special needs, or another autistic, it may be more helpful to focus on finding a woman you're actually compatible with, regardless of how "cute" she is.
Well you are right with my mom feeling over-saturated.
What special interests can I develop outside the computer?
Even if a girl I meet IS compatible for me, if she doesn't have a sense of "cuteness" or any physical attractive qualities at all, it simply would fail to be a good relationship. I have no choice which girls I'm attracted to.
13 Jun 2017, 1:22 pm
13 Jun 2017, 3:29 pm
