Why am I turned down from every single job?

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Nickchick
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28 Jun 2017, 9:55 pm

I have had a pretty similar experience. Most of the time I don't even get interviews. I have almost altogether given up so I'm signed up to temp agency. I didn't have to worry about an interview with them although this job they assigned me I could only do for the first 2 days mainly because it was just too hard on my feet. I am told they have other types of jobs so I'm hoping they can have something that's a better fit for me. As a backup I am applying for disability but am hoping I will not have to go that route because I feel better working.
If you can get a temp job you can do I would think that would count as experience.


Alita wrote:
rvacountrysinger wrote:
Darmok wrote:
It's not much consolation, but another thing to remember after the many years we've had of a bad economy is that there are almost always far more people applying than there are jobs open. Even entry level positions may have 20 or more people applying for one opening. Even if you're good, the odds are still against you.

But the positive approach is the one mentioned above -- try to work through connections. Make sure people you know, at school, in your extended family, in local organizations, know you're looking. Ask them not just if they have openings, but if they know of anyone else who does. Ask them to refer you to other places, so you can go in and say, "Joe at the library suggested I come and talk to you about any opportunities you might have...." etc.



But I still have to wonder why they hire other people over me. And they don't give feedback so I never know what to improve.


If they're all entry-level jobs, my guess is they want a really young person, maybe still in school, like 16-18. I've been told by employers they don't like to hire highly qualified or older people because they assume they'll get bored and leave the job. They want someone they can groom and whose heads they can get into from an early age to program them to be the perfect little worker.

But if you're an older individual with little work experience then where would you go?



shortfatbalduglyman
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28 Jun 2017, 10:24 pm

____________________________________________________________________________________

in the united states, Equal Employment Opportunity Commission allegedly protects against age discrimination. not all employers want the same thing. when i was 18, a woman told me that they were looking for someone older to hire. which, of course, she should not have said, b/c then someone with enough cash to hire a lawyer could file a civil lawsuit. instead, she should've just taken my resume and told me to have a nice day. :roll:

maybe some employers want young employees. FaceBook sure does. software engineers tend to be on the young side. young employees learn faster and are more energetic, usually.

but there are a lot of employers, and certainly some employers do not want young employees.

if you are older go to Dept of Rehab. it does not discriminate based on age.

the Age Discrimination in Employment Act allegedly protects applicants over 40.

according to your original post, you are still under 40.

it is illegal for the employer to ask your age, during the job interview.

but, for tax purposes, you have to fill out the forms. and that includes birthdate. and you have to provide 2 forms of ID.

besides, applicants usually look, sound, or act, more or less their age.

and your resume indicates how old you are. if you have 20 years of work experience, you must not be 23 years old.



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28 Jun 2017, 10:42 pm

Nickchick wrote:
I have had a pretty similar experience. Most of the time I don't even get interviews. I have almost altogether given up so I'm signed up to temp agency. I didn't have to worry about an interview with them although this job they assigned me I could only do for the first 2 days mainly because it was just too hard on my feet. I am told they have other types of jobs so I'm hoping they can have something that's a better fit for me. As a backup I am applying for disability but am hoping I will not have to go that route because I feel better working.
If you can get a temp job you can do I would think that would count as experience.


Alita wrote:
rvacountrysinger wrote:
Darmok wrote:
It's not much consolation, but another thing to remember after the many years we've had of a bad economy is that there are almost always far more people applying than there are jobs open. Even entry level positions may have 20 or more people applying for one opening. Even if you're good, the odds are still against you.

But the positive approach is the one mentioned above -- try to work through connections. Make sure people you know, at school, in your extended family, in local organizations, know you're looking. Ask them not just if they have openings, but if they know of anyone else who does. Ask them to refer you to other places, so you can go in and say, "Joe at the library suggested I come and talk to you about any opportunities you might have...." etc.



But I still have to wonder why they hire other people over me. And they don't give feedback so I never know what to improve.


If they're all entry-level jobs, my guess is they want a really young person, maybe still in school, like 16-18. I've been told by employers they don't like to hire highly qualified or older people because they assume they'll get bored and leave the job. They want someone they can groom and whose heads they can get into from an early age to program them to be the perfect little worker.

But if you're an older individual with little work experience then where would you go?


Too hard on your feet though? that I am afraid is something you may have to get used to...your feet will hurt, if you're working on your feet especially in the beginning. I mean I have been at my job for a week of training and 3 days of my first real week where we actually have customers coming in now. And my feet hurt like hell when I get home so I have to take my shoes off and let them relax but I certainly am not going to quit the job over it, wont be any different in most other jobs I'd get I suspect.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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28 Jun 2017, 10:56 pm

Too hard on your feet though? that I am afraid is something you may have to get used to...your feet will hurt, if you're working on your feet especially in the beginning. I mean I have been at my job for a week of training and 3 days of my first real week where we actually have customers coming in now. And my feet hurt like hell when I get home so I have to take my shoes off and let them relax but I certainly am not going to quit the job over it, wont be any different in most other jobs I'd get I suspect.
________________________________________________________________________________________

if you have an official diagnosis of a condition, that causes it to be hard for you to stand up for too long, then get a doctor's letter. disclose at work. request work accommodations. ADA mandated.

see if you can get a stool. if it's a job like a cashier where you stand in the same spot all the time.

otherwise, maybe use one of those carts to get around.

in some jobs, that is not practical. in some jobs, they will not permit it.

but American Disabilities Act mandates reasonable accommodations

but what is "reasonable" is vague. it is up to the employer to decide.

it's a fine line though seriously.

there are some things, you should tolerate about a job. you have to be flexible. your ideal job might not exist within a commuting distance. your ideal job is also the ideal job of many other people. there is no law that says someone has to hire you.

however, some things you should not tolerate about the job. it is just a job. it is not worth some things. if the job is causing medical or psychological damage, you have to think carefully. the cost of professional services to address, the medical and psychological damage, might outweigh the salary.

priorities

values

yeah i know i am a coward

usually when someone. boss, acquaintence, precious lil "friend", stranger, peer pressures me to do something i just do it. b/c afraid they will not wanna be my precious lil "friend" no more. but then later on they do not wanna be my precious lil "friend" anyways. and sometimes i doubt that they ever were my precious lil "friends".

yeah i know i am a coward



auntblabby
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28 Jun 2017, 10:58 pm

I've experienced them [employers] not even wanting to waste an application on me, IOW they refused to give me even just a @#$% application form. :|



Nickchick
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29 Jun 2017, 10:56 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Nickchick wrote:
I have had a pretty similar experience. Most of the time I don't even get interviews. I have almost altogether given up so I'm signed up to temp agency. I didn't have to worry about an interview with them although this job they assigned me I could only do for the first 2 days mainly because it was just too hard on my feet. I am told they have other types of jobs so I'm hoping they can have something that's a better fit for me. As a backup I am applying for disability but am hoping I will not have to go that route because I feel better working.
If you can get a temp job you can do I would think that would count as experience.


Alita wrote:
rvacountrysinger wrote:
Darmok wrote:
It's not much consolation, but another thing to remember after the many years we've had of a bad economy is that there are almost always far more people applying than there are jobs open. Even entry level positions may have 20 or more people applying for one opening. Even if you're good, the odds are still against you.

But the positive approach is the one mentioned above -- try to work through connections. Make sure people you know, at school, in your extended family, in local organizations, know you're looking. Ask them not just if they have openings, but if they know of anyone else who does. Ask them to refer you to other places, so you can go in and say, "Joe at the library suggested I come and talk to you about any opportunities you might have...." etc.



But I still have to wonder why they hire other people over me. And they don't give feedback so I never know what to improve.


If they're all entry-level jobs, my guess is they want a really young person, maybe still in school, like 16-18. I've been told by employers they don't like to hire highly qualified or older people because they assume they'll get bored and leave the job. They want someone they can groom and whose heads they can get into from an early age to program them to be the perfect little worker.

But if you're an older individual with little work experience then where would you go?


Too hard on your feet though? that I am afraid is something you may have to get used to...your feet will hurt, if you're working on your feet especially in the beginning. I mean I have been at my job for a week of training and 3 days of my first real week where we actually have customers coming in now. And my feet hurt like hell when I get home so I have to take my shoes off and let them relax but I certainly am not going to quit the job over it, wont be any different in most other jobs I'd get I suspect.



I actually didn't think about quitting until the co worker that was taking me to and from work said he was going to quit but I got to thinking about it.
I know but I actually have plantar fasciitis though and I was afraid it was going to get worse because it was already hurting bad from only first two days. Even when I sat down for the hour break my heels still hurt. I had put a s**t ton of frankincense and castor oil (which usually helped) and it still hurt. I would also try to sit down as much as I can somewhere when they had nothing for me to do. I am told it was the boots the agency told us to wear. They are no good for your feet. It wasn't just that that drove me not to come in the next day. The straw that broke the camel's back was the project the supervisor assigned to me. He had given me a few projects before even the first day that I couldn't really do but another worker did the part of this other one for me when they saw I couldn't do it. This last one I kept trying and trying. The supervisor showed me once how to do it and then walked away. A few coworkers would come by and show me but they left too. I still wasn't getting it after they showed me but I kept trying and I kept having problems so I ended up getting so frustrated I broke down and cried. Luckily this last coworker saw me in my crying fit asked me what was wrong. I told him I'm a big f**k up and that the pieces of metal just don't like me so he really tried to help me. Eventually he had to go away though he tried his best to help me unlike the others and I still had problems. I know it probably wouldn't have mattered because they probably just wanted me to do my best (esp since I put on my profile for the agency that I have a disability) but I felt like I was holding everyone back because they all had their own projects to do. I felt like I didn't belong in this job because all of them seemed to be able to do their projects. I know I probably should have went over to the supervisor but I was embarrassed to go to him as I was crying. I didn't want the bosses to see me cry. I could tell my supervisor wasn't too fond of me also so I felt like I couldn't go to him for questions. I also tried to stay calm and just ask someone else if they needed help with their projects since they might have had other projects I could do instead but none of them wanted my help.
I regret quitting now because I know it was an impulse decision and I'm back to square one now. I'm afraid that was the only types of jobs they had but I don't know. At the same time it would have been difficult to get a ride because the guy that took me home and to the job site was the only one I really talked to in there. All the other coworkers there didn't talk to me and I didn't talk to them. I don't even know if I would have seen them before work to ask them for a ride because we didn't have to go back to the agency.
It might have all been okay but I just felt really lost and basically crippled. It wasn't really my cup of tea to begin with though I thought I'd have no problem doing it when I accepted the assignment. If only my heels weren't damaged it would have been a lot easier and thinking more about it I almost had to wear an actual pump up cast before, sometimes people with this condition have even had to have surgery. It could very well have torn up my heels though I probably could have worn other shoes and they wouldn't have said anything but I was afraid of getting in trouble since that's what the agency told me to wear.

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:

if you have an official diagnosis of a condition, that causes it to be hard for you to stand up for too long, then get a doctor's letter. disclose at work. request work accommodations. ADA mandated.

see if you can get a stool. if it's a job like a cashier where you stand in the same spot all the time.

otherwise, maybe use one of those carts to get around.

in some jobs, that is not practical. in some jobs, they will not permit it.

but American Disabilities Act mandates reasonable accommodations

but what is "reasonable" is vague. it is up to the employer to decide.

it's a fine line though seriously.

there are some things, you should tolerate about a job. you have to be flexible. your ideal job might not exist within a commuting distance. your ideal job is also the ideal job of many other people. there is no law that says someone has to hire you.

however, some things you should not tolerate about the job. it is just a job. it is not worth some things. if the job is causing medical or psychological damage, you have to think carefully. the cost of professional services to address, the medical and psychological damage, might outweigh the salary.


The job was building a store (they already built the building though we were doing the shelves and stuff like that) so I'm not sure there could have been accommodations. I accepted the assignment at the time because it seemed my fasciitis was getting better even when walking my dogs it didn't really hurt but I guess it only seemed better because I'm relatively inactive. I also bought the insole thinking that would help though I wasn't sure which one to get but I guessed the gel was the best. I probably should have got the orthotics which are specifically designed for that condition but when I went to the doctor months or a year back they had gotten me custom orthotics and it didn't feel good on my heels at all. Maybe I also could have put back on the night splint after I accepted this job but idk again I didn't think I needed to and I HATE wearing that thing. It's so hot and I have trouble putting it on. It's not comfortable to sleep with at all. I also probably should have stretched before work but I was too tired to think about it though I did stretch at one point the second day during work but it still hurt pretty bad.
I hate that I even have to think about all this. It sure makes you feel useless when you can't be on your feet a lot at one time and when it hurts bad enough I'm afraid to dance much too and I love dancing. I really just want to work but I don't want to be in "I want to chop my feet off" pain either. It's appalling that there is no cure for this condition. It can go away when you do remedies but it can always come back. What's worse is I have a few other physical conditions too though this one was the most troubling for this job. If I put on the mint oil on my stomach that makes a big difference in my gastritis. The other condition I have is a ganglion cyst (besides prediabetes but it doesn't give me much problem) which has gotten smaller recently but right now it is hurting typing so I think it might have grew a little again but maybe I can get a wrist brace and still do the computer jobs. I really want that to work because I am really comfortable working on the computer. It's one of the few things I am good at.



Nickchick
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29 Jun 2017, 12:19 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
____________________________________________________________________________________

in the united states, Equal Employment Opportunity Commission allegedly protects against age discrimination. not all employers want the same thing. when i was 18, a woman told me that they were looking for someone older to hire. which, of course, she should not have said, b/c then someone with enough cash to hire a lawyer could file a civil lawsuit. instead, she should've just taken my resume and told me to have a nice day. :roll:

maybe some employers want young employees. FaceBook sure does. software engineers tend to be on the young side. young employees learn faster and are more energetic, usually.

but there are a lot of employers, and certainly some employers do not want young employees.

if you are older go to Dept of Rehab. it does not discriminate based on age.

the Age Discrimination in Employment Act allegedly protects applicants over 40.

according to your original post, you are still under 40.

it is illegal for the employer to ask your age, during the job interview.

but, for tax purposes, you have to fill out the forms. and that includes birthdate. and you have to provide 2 forms of ID.

besides, applicants usually look, sound, or act, more or less their age.

and your resume indicates how old you are. if you have 20 years of work experience, you must not be 23 years old.


Yeah I've tried DORS and they aren't very helpful to put it nicely. They don't understand me and they say that I'm making excuses. They just don't get it. Even if I am I'm not trying to. I wish I was good at a lot of things. I wish I could fake interest in jobs I have no interest in but I can't. I wish I wasn't the type to place a lot of value in myself in earning money but I am so volunteering unless maybe it's my dream gig just isn't for me. I try to explain to them that volunteering would make me feel just as bad as myself and it's no use arguing with them. I had this same experience with the workforce. They are just as bad maybe worse than DORS in some ways. Most of the jobs in the emails she sends me I'm not qualified for. The rare few in the emails that are I'm really not interested in. I do apply for what I can though but it's hard to sift through the numerous positions in those emails all the time. She obviously doesn't put much effort in sending them to me so I feel like I'm doing her job for her.
This is why I regret not continuing with the temp. I don't know what to do now because I'm not getting much help and she only gave me a list of the temp agencies because I reminded her. It's not that I really wanted to quit mainly I felt it was best for them and even though they often gave me projects I couldn't do and I felt ignored some things were doable.
My resume indicates how old I am only because they can infer it from the graduation year but work experience wise it shows developmentally (or perhaps emotionally) I am younger. You'd think being developmentally younger would make them consider me but it's almost like I am the worst of both worlds. I don't have enough work experience but I'm too old to stay in the job according to them. I mean I am under 40 but I'm old enough where I should be married and having kids you know.
Usually they probably do but I don't look sound or maybe even act like my age (I mean I sorta act older. I have a strong work ethic but crying at work like I did being that hard on myself makes me seem like I've only lived less than 18) Even a few coworkers at the temp job said "are you sure you're old enough to work here?" I also had a computer tech think I was a young boy on the phone.
The only thing that makes me noticeably a woman and not a young lady for sure besides things like a strong work ethic is maybe my hormones and having decent sized knockers as well as my stomach kinda sticking out.



League_Girl
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29 Jun 2017, 3:47 pm

Reasons why you're rejected:

https://careersblog.warwick.ac.uk/2013/ ... -rejected/


So it helps to research your job you are applying for, do not use a hotmail address or yahoo. Check for spelling errors. Avoid using copy and paste messages, they can tell when you are doing it. If you are over qualified because you have a college degree, I would leave it off your resume if you are applying for a none educated job. Do not put the reason why you want to work for them and why you are interested is because you want to make money. Also make sure you are dressed well when applying and to follow their directions when they say to apply between (time) and (time) from (day of the week) to (day of the week). Also another thing I learned is if you are sleeping in they they wake up up with a phone call, take the call and do not sound tired or let them know you were still sleeping or else they won't set up an interview for you thinking you will be unreliable since you like to sleep in. Also make sure your social media is clean or you can disable your Facebook account and have everything be private and only friends can see it.


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Nickchick
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29 Jun 2017, 4:18 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Reasons why you're rejected:

https://careersblog.warwick.ac.uk/2013/ ... -rejected/


So it helps to research your job you are applying for, do not use a hotmail address or yahoo. Check for spelling errors. Avoid using copy and paste messages, they can tell when you are doing it. If you are over qualified because you have a college degree, I would leave it off your resume if you are applying for a none educated job. Do not put the reason why you want to work for them and why you are interested is because you want to make money. Also make sure you are dressed well when applying


Well I know what the job entails just by reading it so I don't know what you mean by research. Retail is also pretty standard which is what I usually apply for.
Check on the address. I use my outlook although for a Craigslist job listing I used yahoo but only because I didn't want other addresses spammed.
Check on spelling errors. I'm a top notch speller. I'm not so good at punctuation or paragraphs though I do try my best.
The copying and pasting gets tricky. I do change some words in it to tailor the job but I am told by coaches that it's supposed to be written a certain way. In fact the DORS coach even wrote it that way for me. I would think that it doesn't make me stand out but when they tell me to do it a certain way, I figure they know better than me though I still don't have a regular job. However I have a lot of baggage that they may somehow see so you never know. It could be a multitude of reasons.
I always find the degree thing tricky too. It's true I'm probably overqualified if I put it down but if I don't I have a three year gap which apparently employers frown upon. I also was told by the coach that it's best to put down because I don't have any formal work experience so I look inexperienced without it. I also figure it's omission of truth and they will see that I have a degree in their background check.
Well I'm dressed in what I have been told to wear 9 times out of 10 but it definitely makes me feel fake doing so because it's not at all my style. I have almost never worn a button shirt in my life aside from going to interviews. I do it anyway but I find it ridiculous because I almost never wear anything that would be inappropriate in my daily life. I own exactly one pair of booty shorts so in my daily life I just have things like band merch shirts and regular shorts. Sure that's casual wear but it's not some fancy shmancy job I'm applying for and when you start working there they usually make you wear a uniform anyway so I'm probably never going to wear that button blouse ever again until I apply for another job. It's just frustrating because when they want you to wear a certain thing it implies they don't want you for who you are. I'm fine with doing what I told..like if you want me to wear a uniform at work that's fine but in an interview or going to ask about a job the whole purpose of it is to see who I am and if I'm wearing something that's not really me I'm not being who I am. The other problem with it is if it's say the pet store it would make me stand out to wear a dog t shirt..yeah sure it's a t shirt but it shows my passion for animals yet they don't want you wearing it. It's also confusing because they want you to wear a certain style yet they want a purple unicorn when it comes to experience and according to that link your cover letter is supposed to be totally original. It also says in that link be yourself. Yeah right I'm supposed to be myself yet you make me take these stupid personality tests. If they wanted me to be myself then those tests wouldn't exist. Of course they'll pretend it's not pass and fail. Some will even write "be honest it will not affect your score" right on the test but many applications I apply for will auto email me "congratulations you've passed the assessment". How dumb do you think I am? However because I don't know how to fake/lie I am primarily myself (aside from trying to pass the assessments) and it seems to bite me in the butt. Someone who was trying to help me get a job even said I was too honest.



shortfatbalduglyman
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29 Jun 2017, 8:28 pm

Yeah I've tried DORS and they aren't very helpful to put it nicely. They don't understand me and they say that I'm making excuses. They just don't get it. Even if I am I'm not trying to. I wish I was good at a lot of things. I wish I could fake interest in jobs I have no interest in but I can't. I wish I wasn't the type to place a lot of value in myself in earning money but I am so volunteering unless maybe it's my dream gig just isn't for me. I try to explain to them that volunteering would make me feel just as bad as myself and it's no use arguing with them. I had this same experience with the workforce. They are just as bad maybe worse than DORS in some ways. Most of the jobs in the emails she sends me I'm not qualified for. The rare few in the emails that are I'm really not interested in. I do apply for what I can though but it's hard to sift through the numerous positions in those emails all the time. She obviously doesn't put much effort in sending them to me so I feel like I'm doing her job for her.
This is why I regret not continuing with the temp. I don't know what to do now because I'm not getting much help and she only gave me a list of the temp agencies because I reminded her. It's not that I really wanted to quit mainly I felt it was best for them and even though they often gave me projects I couldn't do and I felt ignored some things were doable.
My resume indicates how old I am only because they can infer it from the graduation year but work experience wise it shows developmentally (or perhaps emotionally) I am younger. You'd think being developmentally younger would make them consider me but it's almost like I am the worst of both worlds. I don't have enough work experience but I'm too old to stay in the job according to them. I mean I am under 40 but I'm old enough where I should be married and having kids you know.
Usually they probably do but I don't look sound or maybe even act like my age (I mean I sorta act older. I have a strong work ethic but crying at work like I did being that hard on myself makes me seem like I've only lived less than 18) Even a few coworkers at the temp job said "are you sure you're old enough to work here?" I also had a computer tech think I was a young boy on the phone.
The only thing that makes me noticeably a woman and not a young lady for sure besides things like a strong work ethic is maybe my hormones and having decent sized knockers as well as my stomach kinda sticking out.
__________________________________________________________________________________

DORS was disrespectful and rude to me. the counselor had the nerve to ask me "have you had the surgery?", when i told her i was trans. (that was in 2008, before Equal Employment Opportunity Commission added "gender identity" to its list of protected status). and then she made mistake after mistake. did not even gimmie an apology. over the phone she had the nerve to yell at me too.

but, whatever.

you live in a different city than me. DORS contains many counselors.

"I wish I was good at a lot of things." yeah, i wish i was good at school, work, socializing, sports. ain't good at them. sheesh. seriously. quite frankly, i would be happy, for at least satisfied, if i was at least decent at one of them. but. things. do. not. come naturally for me. not even emotional regulation. especially not emotional regulation.

yeah, 5th undergrad year, i flunked out Structural Engineering. when i was a 2nd year, a 5th year electrical engineering undergrad told me that if she were to have wasted as much energy studying as me, then she would've gotten straight A's.

work. minimum wage jobs only. and got fired.

socializing. phew. it's like a rollercoaster ride. it is so hard to find someone that will passive aggressively tolerate my worthless corpse. while i accept everything i can. and then accept some more. precious lil "most people" are so judgmental.

and then they act like they compliment things. like their judgment matters. compliments are as judgmental as insults. seriously?

when you work at a volunteer job, you pick up job skills that you can put on the resume. and volunteer bosses might write letters of recommendation and serve as job references. many jobs require job references. even unpaid internships. at least 2 different unpaid internships told me that they phone my job references.



Nickchick
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03 Jul 2017, 9:18 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Yeah I've tried DORS and they aren't very helpful to put it nicely. They don't understand me and they say that I'm making excuses. They just don't get it. Even if I am I'm not trying to. I wish I was good at a lot of things. I wish I could fake interest in jobs I have no interest in but I can't. I wish I wasn't the type to place a lot of value in myself in earning money but I am so volunteering unless maybe it's my dream gig just isn't for me. I try to explain to them that volunteering would make me feel just as bad as myself and it's no use arguing with them. I had this same experience with the workforce. They are just as bad maybe worse than DORS in some ways. Most of the jobs in the emails she sends me I'm not qualified for. The rare few in the emails that are I'm really not interested in. I do apply for what I can though but it's hard to sift through the numerous positions in those emails all the time. She obviously doesn't put much effort in sending them to me so I feel like I'm doing her job for her.
This is why I regret not continuing with the temp. I don't know what to do now because I'm not getting much help and she only gave me a list of the temp agencies because I reminded her. It's not that I really wanted to quit mainly I felt it was best for them and even though they often gave me projects I couldn't do and I felt ignored some things were doable.
My resume indicates how old I am only because they can infer it from the graduation year but work experience wise it shows developmentally (or perhaps emotionally) I am younger. You'd think being developmentally younger would make them consider me but it's almost like I am the worst of both worlds. I don't have enough work experience but I'm too old to stay in the job according to them. I mean I am under 40 but I'm old enough where I should be married and having kids you know.
Usually they probably do but I don't look sound or maybe even act like my age (I mean I sorta act older. I have a strong work ethic but crying at work like I did being that hard on myself makes me seem like I've only lived less than 18) Even a few coworkers at the temp job said "are you sure you're old enough to work here?" I also had a computer tech think I was a young boy on the phone.
The only thing that makes me noticeably a woman and not a young lady for sure besides things like a strong work ethic is maybe my hormones and having decent sized knockers as well as my stomach kinda sticking out.
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DORS was disrespectful and rude to me. the counselor had the nerve to ask me "have you had the surgery?", when i told her i was trans. (that was in 2008, before Equal Employment Opportunity Commission added "gender identity" to its list of protected status). and then she made mistake after mistake. did not even gimmie an apology. over the phone she had the nerve to yell at me too.

but, whatever.

you live in a different city than me. DORS contains many counselors.

"I wish I was good at a lot of things." yeah, i wish i was good at school, work, socializing, sports. ain't good at them. sheesh. seriously. quite frankly, i would be happy, for at least satisfied, if i was at least decent at one of them. but. things. do. not. come naturally for me. not even emotional regulation. especially not emotional regulation.

yeah, 5th undergrad year, i flunked out Structural Engineering. when i was a 2nd year, a 5th year electrical engineering undergrad told me that if she were to have wasted as much energy studying as me, then she would've gotten straight A's.

work. minimum wage jobs only. and got fired.

socializing. phew. it's like a rollercoaster ride. it is so hard to find someone that will passive aggressively tolerate my worthless corpse. while i accept everything i can. and then accept some more. precious lil "most people" are so judgmental.

and then they act like they compliment things. like their judgment matters. compliments are as judgmental as insults. seriously?

when you work at a volunteer job, you pick up job skills that you can put on the resume. and volunteer bosses might write letters of recommendation and serve as job references. many jobs require job references. even unpaid internships. at least 2 different unpaid internships told me that they phone my job references.



I'm sure they have other counselors but the whole experience I had turned me off to it and the head lady for the one in my state was only slightly better than my counselor. They displayed to not only be terrible at communicating to each other but she was also condescending and it's like I never did enough. One time I talked to her and she said I wasn't prepared for the meetings with the coach and that I need to take a shower more often. WTF I think I can smell myself as I have a great nose and I certainly don't go to meetings smelly. I know I have a bit of a sweat odor problem but geez she acted like I don't ever bathe myself and put deodorant on. Most of the time my own smell bothers me more than someone else bc usually people I know don't even notice. She also quoted me when I told her in the beginning that I was open to pretty much anything except restaurants. I guess I should have been more specific but at the same time it's not that I wasn't open minded or trying to be picky. I just was concerned about selling myself for places I wasn't interested in because I wasn't even having luck in places I was interested in. I'm not the only one too because I talked to my therapist about it and she says a lot of her clients had problems with them so it sounds like my city isn't that much better either.

The only classes I excelled in in school was English or Creative Writing. I was terrible at math. I didn't get shop class. I was average at chemistry. History was similar if not a bit better. I had trouble remembering dates. I find that despite trying my best I just can't grasp a lot of things. I always feel like I have to work harder than everyone else just to be on the same level than anyone else. College was even worse. They call it a "diploma mill" but it's no joke. I almost quit one of my classes and I had to take it twice.

Yeah I mean people will say for example I'm pretty or I did a good job with the interview. Half the time it's condescending BS. I get it you don't want to ruthlessly criticize me for no reason but I think they don't even try and I welcome feedback as long as it's something I can improve on or you give me a chance to explain myself (like when that interviewer told me the wording of my one answer was not correct he didn't give me another chance to redeem myself and I did tell him in the beginning that I had a disability that can affect my speech which he seemed fine with at the time)

I mean I get that but it's frustrating to be told that time and time again when they could honestly try harder to help me find something because DORS for example wasn't even trying. They would literally only use Indeed. They didn't even recommend temp agencies for me (which might have more opportunities then). Also if other people want to volunteer for experience that's fine but for me volunteering is something I should be doing to want to help people and I know I'd just be volunteering because nobody is giving me a choice. Knowing myself I know I would expect a paycheck out of it and I'm more than willing to start out at minimum wage. Also I know of a lot of people who get jobs because they are able to lie so they didn't have to volunteer. I also know that though I'm not good at a lot of things, I am computer savvy already and that should count for something. I could understand volunteering if that's the company I applied for but I know some people don't get jobs after...like I've encountered some people who work a few years at a volunteer gig and still don't have a job. I'm worried that would be me. I'm not a person who fits in anywhere. I got along well with my teachers but I was the black sheep with peers so I don't know if anyone would want to vouch for me. I am certainly not interested in volunteering at the animal shelter now more than ever. I feel bad because I know the animals could use help but the lady was just so nasty and I can't handle negative energy like that unless I'm getting paid to.
I have looked for internships though several times before. Even the unpaid ones doesn't really have anything I'm interested in. The internships I applied to (I don't remember if they were paid or unpaid though) never contacted me back.
Another thing I was thinking about companies often say their concern is I don't have much experience but I think they just say that because I had one interviewer who said that but he also said about my wording on one of the questions. Plus if I sometimes get interviews then I must not be that inexperienced or at least I shouldn't be.
I talked to someone in a job hunting club too and she said that companies would be concerned about my ability in verbal communication. She also said that's why you practice but people don't get that it just doesn't get much better. It's part of my disorder so it will happen randomly and more likely when I'm nervous. I've subconsciously tried to practice with random people like neighbors I think because I'll assert myself into the conversation but most times I do that I sink back and wonder why my subconscious had to do that because it proves why I'm quiet. I didn't even fit in in a survivors group that's how bad it is or even a depression chat room and so I think even if I volunteer generally this isn't going to change anything. The interviewer just won't like me regardless. If it's my dream job I'm volunteering at I'll probably have a better chance but just volunteering at say the animal shelter I'm not sure it will be the same because even though those people love dogs it doesn't mean they can connect with me/I with them.
The most important thing is I feel bad about the idea because it implies to me that I'm not worth paying for..that I'm only good enough to work for free and I'm being taken advantage of again. It doesn't help that when I think about it I probably would have had a paid job by now and not have to volunteer if I hadn't have had people hurt me so much. I imagine subconsciously I was always telling people not to hire me and back then jobs were more obtainable so if my brain wasn't so traumatized by people stepping on me they would have most likely given me a chance.


I know it's not just me but it certainly doesn't help being me. I'm already in way over my head because I have talked to my one landlord and she feels similar to me in the sense that she's angry about the whole process and she's honest too. She is looking for another job and can't find one either. It's all BS because they don't really tell you what they want a lot of the time so if it's that difficult for her with someone who doesn't have as big a disorder if not neurotypical...