After replying at viewtopic.php?t=348682, I decided I must confess and admit something that I believed for the longest time, and now that I have been diagnosed, I really need to mention and put behind me, and I hope you guys can hear me out:
(I'll make a longer post once my full assessment is completed; but for now I've already been diagnosed by my doctor.)
I knew for the longest time, that I was not like others. It was very hard for me to make friends since I was a kid, and I've even gotten depressed that I wasn't surrounded by friends like how others were in church. I also had a lot of tantrums and meltdowns as a child, especially when things didn't go my way or I found it difficult to play with other children. I was bullied all my life, even recently when I had to serve in the army of my country of Singapore.
But I tried to run away from a diagnosis - I tried to ran far, far away from one. I was scared that it would affect my life - making it hard for people to accept me into a job, and I was scared to be associated with other people with autism. In short, the word "autism" became a curse word for me, a word I didn't want anything to do with.
But recently, I lost my 5th or 6th job (I've actually kinda lost count), and with that lingering in my mind, my AS friend showed me this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKCdV20zLMs (Sesame Street: Meet Julia), and this was the video that has ultimately resulted in some pretty life-changing results.
I've been seeing my psychiatrist, and he has recently written a memo for me, stating that I am indeed being diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. And now, I am volunteering at my church's autism ministry, and I for one can say how honoured I am to be considered like one of these special, unique and beautiful people: I am honored to be called a person with autism.
To the autism community: I am sorry that I found it difficult to accept the possibility of having autism last time. It was my lack of knowledge of myself, and of autism. They say that we are all the same with or without a label, but I disagree. The way I see myself has fundamentally-changed. Autism is no longer a curse word, but a word of power, strength, and endless possibility.
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And I'll post a longer post chronicling my past, probably when I my assessment is finished. Thank you all, and I am truly appreciative for the warmth, love and understanding I've received.
26 Jun 2017, 11:01 am
