If you think it sucks being single now

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ASPartOfMe
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28 Jun 2017, 8:29 pm

Ok, it can suck being single now but once upon a time, it was a lot worse.

Aren't You Glad You Weren't Single Fifty Years Ago? By Stephanie Coontz

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A half century ago, being single was a very different proposition than it is today. First of all, you were considered deviant. As one of the leading family experts of the late 1950s put it, “Except for the sick, the badly crippled, the deformed, the emotionally warped, and the mentally defective,” almost everyone could and should wed.

In a 1957 poll, bachelors were categorized as “immature,” narcissistic,” or even “pathological.” Single women were described by leading psychiatrists of the day as sexually warped, lacking in “the feminine instinct,” and probably suffering from a bad case of “penis envy.”

Women expressed much more anxiety about being single, even for relatively short times, than they do today. Surveys in the 1950s and early 1960s found that single women were far more likely than their married counterparts to regard marriage as the single best option for self-fulfillment and happiness. As for the few people who became single after divorce, they were typically regarded as “damaged goods.”

Second, singles were in fact extremely rare. In 1960, half of all women were married by age 20, and only 10 percent of women age 25-29 were not married. In 1960, only 13 percent of all households were composed of just one person, typically an elder whose spouse had died. Such elders had far fewer opportunities to date or to remarry then, far less cohabit. In the population as a whole, unmarried-couples constituted less than 1 percent of all households.

Finally, it was much harder to carve out a satisfying life as a single in the 1950s and 1960s, even for those who might have liked to do so. Men who were still unmarried in their early 30s were often denied bank loans or promotions in the 1950s and early 1960s. Single women faced particular handicaps. Sex before marriage was highly stigmatized for women, and very risky. Some states prohibited the sale of contraceptives, and in many others doctors refused to prescribe them for single women.

And it was much more difficult for a woman to support herself outside marriage. As late as 1965, women seeking jobs had to turn to the “help wanted: female” columns of the newspaper, where most of the options were low-paying secretarial or “gal Friday” positions. As late as 1970, a college-educated white woman earned less, on average, than a male high school graduate, and black women earned even less than white women. No wonder one poll found that almost 2/3 of college women (but only 5 percent of the men) said they would consider marrying someone they didn’t love if he met their other criteria, most of which revolved around financial security.


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Deinonychus
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29 Jun 2017, 6:29 am

thanks for posting this. was an interesting read. puts "perspective" back into it and makes me realise how easy it is to forget just how lucky we are... especially as a woman.



BTDT
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29 Jun 2017, 8:22 am

Yes, with divorce and even unmarried relationships becoming normal, slow maturing Aspies have much better opportunities for hooking up in their 30s and 40s.



TheSpectrum
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29 Jun 2017, 10:14 am

I'm grateful I didn't have to endure any of the social stigma of that era, though I'm pretty sure there are many who wish they were born in the 50's now you stated that. Hey, a miserable marriage and sex is better than no marriage and sex, right? :lol:


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The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Jun 2017, 1:21 pm

^ Sex with no marriage is the best deal :lol:



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Jun 2017, 2:02 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
Ok, it can suck being single now but once upon a time, it was a lot worse.

Aren't You Glad You Weren't Single Fifty Years Ago? By Stephanie Coontz
Quote:
A half century ago, being single was a very different proposition than it is today. First of all, you were considered deviant. As one of the leading family experts of the late 1950s put it, “Except for the sick, the badly crippled, the deformed, the emotionally warped, and the mentally defective,” almost everyone could and should wed.

In a 1957 poll, bachelors were categorized as “immature,” narcissistic,” or even “pathological.” Single women were described by leading psychiatrists of the day as sexually warped, lacking in “the feminine instinct,” and probably suffering from a bad case of “penis envy.”

Women expressed much more anxiety about being single, even for relatively short times, than they do today. Surveys in the 1950s and early 1960s found that single women were far more likely than their married counterparts to regard marriage as the single best option for self-fulfillment and happiness. As for the few people who became single after divorce, they were typically regarded as “damaged goods.”

Second, singles were in fact extremely rare. In 1960, half of all women were married by age 20, and only 10 percent of women age 25-29 were not married. In 1960, only 13 percent of all households were composed of just one person, typically an elder whose spouse had died. Such elders had far fewer opportunities to date or to remarry then, far less cohabit. In the population as a whole, unmarried-couples constituted less than 1 percent of all households.

Finally, it was much harder to carve out a satisfying life as a single in the 1950s and 1960s, even for those who might have liked to do so. Men who were still unmarried in their early 30s were often denied bank loans or promotions in the 1950s and early 1960s. Single women faced particular handicaps. Sex before marriage was highly stigmatized for women, and very risky. Some states prohibited the sale of contraceptives, and in many others doctors refused to prescribe them for single women.

And it was much more difficult for a woman to support herself outside marriage. As late as 1965, women seeking jobs had to turn to the “help wanted: female” columns of the newspaper, where most of the options were low-paying secretarial or “gal Friday” positions. As late as 1970, a college-educated white woman earned less, on average, than a male high school graduate, and black women earned even less than white women. No wonder one poll found that almost 2/3 of college women (but only 5 percent of the men) said they would consider marrying someone they didn’t love if he met their other criteria, most of which revolved around financial security.



So this was the era of the "real
men" of the lost men's golden age times that so many men and women want to have again and cry for it?

The age of the "gentlemen" men?

The era where men considered and treated women as inferior beings was something considered as the norm?

as opposed to us the Generation's X "grown kids" men who play video games and expect equality in everything including reciprocity in dating (ie. paying, gifts...etc)?

No thank you very much - I prefer to be of my age's non real men then ;) :wink:



ASPartOfMe
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29 Jun 2017, 5:50 pm

An important element that the blog did not mention was homophobia. Homosexuality was considered the ultimate mental sickness. If you were not married by your late 20's people wondered if you were a homosexual or thought you were homosexual. That the was the unstated reason you did not get bank loans or or promoted. "Mentally defective "warped" "narcissistic", “pathological" were often code words for homosexual.

When I was bullied was it not "autistic" I was called but "fa***t" 'queer" or "homo". Few people knew about autism and if they did it was only the most severe kind. If you were different, or you did not talk about girls often (and yes despite all hypocritical denials by my and Donald Trump's fellow boomers) talk about them like Trump it was assumed you were homosexual. And this was the late 60's and 70's.

Boise Homosexuality Scandal

Quote:
The Boise homosexuality scandal refers to a sweeping investigation of a supposed "homosexual underground" in Boise, Idaho that started in 1955. Beginning with the arrest of three men in October 1955, the investigation broadened to encompass allegations that over 100 young men and teenage boys had been involved in sexual acts with a ring of adult homosexual men. By the time the investigation wound down in January 1957, some 1,500 people had been questioned, sixteen men faced charges, and fifteen of them were sentenced to terms ranging from probation to life in prison.

Reportage of the investigation and arrests set off a moral panic in Boise, fueled by incendiary editorials in the city's newspaper. Although framed in terms of "protecting children" from adult predators, the probe was not confined to investigating charges of men having sex with underage boys and some of those convicted and sentenced to prison were found guilty only of sexual encounters with other consenting adults. The scandal highlighted the tension between the perception of homosexuality as a mental illness requiring treatment and homosexual sex as a criminal act mandating punishment and led to an examination of the problems of juvenile delinquency.



Lavender Scare
Quote:
The lavender scare refers to a witch hunt and the mass firings of gay people in the 1950s from the United States government. It paralleled the anti-communist campaign known as McCarthyism and the Second Red Scare. Gay men and lesbians were said to be security risks and communist sympathizers, which led to the call to remove them from state employment.[1]

Former U.S. Senator Alan K. Simpson has written: "The so-called 'Red Scare' has been the main focus of most historians of that period of time. A lesser-known element ... and one that harmed far more people was the witch-hunt McCarthy and others conducted against homosexuals."[


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It is Autism Acceptance Month

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 29 Jun 2017, 5:59 pm, edited 2 times in total.

TheSpectrum
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29 Jun 2017, 5:55 pm

Talk about a bum deal.


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JaredGTALover
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29 Jun 2017, 8:17 pm

i want to get back out there (find someone new),but because of my aspergers involving how severely awkward that i appear to women & girls of my own age (Chubby) because of my aspergers,i'm better off single & i'd rather be sexually stimming with a giant-stuffed bear & giant-stuffed tiger as well as a giant-stuffed gorilla (which i plan to do) than be physically intimate with a NT B**** who may not love me for who i am regardless of my AS involving the traits that she may not be accepting of :D :) :x



IstominFan
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05 Jul 2017, 9:03 pm

Even though I'm 52 and single, I'm glad to be living now. In any other era, there wouldn't have been help for a certain medical condition I have, and I probably wouldn't have survived long.



GiantHockeyFan
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06 Jul 2017, 6:37 am

ASPartOfMe wrote:
When I was bullied was it not "autistic" I was called but "fa***t" 'queer" or "homo". Few people knew about autism and if they did it was only the most severe kind. If you were different, or you did not talk about girls often (and yes despite all hypocritical denials by my and Donald Trump's fellow boomers) talk about them like Trump it was assumed you were homosexual. And this was the late 60's and 70's.

It was like that growing up in the late 80s/early 90s as well. I was always interested in females since I was in preschool but I was never one to talk openly about it, nor did I participate in the 'sex talks' in school: I was more interested in the 'intimacy', not getting down to business. As a result, I was mercilessly teased for being gay, insuring that any women that had any interest at all avoided me. What's ironic is that I recently ran into one of those kids who mocked me and he is as flamboyantly gay as you could possibly get.