Breaking Up (and staying friends)

Post Reply New Topic

(I'm aware this is a long post. If you want to, you can read the first paragraph and then skip to the summary.)

Last night, my girlfriend and I broke up after a two and a half year relationship. This isn't a post asking for advice with heartbreak or anything like that - right now at least, I actually feel somewhat alright. That might not last, I don't know, but I'm going with it for now. This is more about where we should go from here.

I've known her for somewhere around six years, since I was about 13. By the time we got together we were already really, really good friends and being in a relationship felt like the natural next step.

In a similar way, breaking up feels like the best step for us right now. For the last few months or so it's felt like we've been drifting back into friendship (it took her pointing this out for me to admit it, but we were). Whenever we were together we became less and less couple-y, still enjoying each other's company and having fun, but more on a friendship level. That feeling of wanting romance between us started to fade. It's scary is how well I'm handling all of this. I feel like I should be more hurt by this, but right now, the only thing I'm concerned about is keeping my best friend in my life.

So my question is about staying friends. Additionally, if we are going to stay friends, where do we go from here? We've been talking to each other every day, almost all day, for a long time now. I have a box full of gifts and meaningful things she's given me sitting in my room. I don't want to throw them out - they carried a lot of meaning and, as I've said from the very start of all of this, our experience is still valid. I'm not hurt by it. We'll always have that experience and I want to be able to look back on it for what it was, a good memory. I don't want to throw things away for the sake of it.

To summarise:
What do we do now? It's going to take some time to rework our relationship and find our place with each other again.

But, also, I find myself not knowing what to do if she needs someone to talk to or comforting. I know that there are things she might struggle with, but, I don't know how close I'm supposed to get, how much support I can give.

And what should I do with things and photos left over from us? Is it healthy enough to store them away somewhere? Or do I have to get rid of it all?

I'd be grateful for any advice anyone has, from experience or otherwise. I might make an updated post on the situation later.
Thanks.

Oh the scary part is that reworking isn't like that. It seems to work inside out, backwards & slow. With what I've seen, I cannot & will not impose breakups.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

((sorry for long answer without any answers and with possible mistakes))
Actually, I have the same problem. Awesome girl, six years of friendship, year and half of relationship. She ended it because I can't support her, am not empathic, too selfish and self-centered... She has difficult time in her life now and I don't care...or it seems like that. Inside I care but can't show it, comfort her or anything - frustrating and idiotic.
When we started dating I suspected it would end like this (exactly like my previous relationship - but I was 14 and stupid then, so...) but gave it a go anyway. First girl crush, stuff like that. I loved her. I f***ing love her. I don't want to lose person this important, she gave me her everything. But without anything in return...I thought I could change and make it all better - or at least the relationship between us - but I apparently can't and screwed it up big time. The only thing I never wanted to see was the sad in her eyes, the emptiness in her voice, the lonely way she walked away.
We met shortly after that but I didn't talk to her, I just froze up, emotionless on the outside, agonised inside. I know I'm an awful person, but can't afford losing the most important person in my life forever...
Problem is - should I text her? What do I tell her, that I'm sorry I'm a b*tch? She thought it out, told me how sad she is, the relationship doesn't work, I'm heartless and hurting her, all calmly and even gave me a candy and a tissue!
I don't care about some breakup, it's about her. Is it even possible to restore the friendship now? Does she even want to see me again? How should I tell if I'm not even able to show care? I can't hurt her again or look desperate, I respect her decision and I completely understand (or I think so, sonsidering the circumstances) why she wanted to break free.
((again, sorry for the long post, I'm really sad rn. hope you get answers, just wanted you to know you're not alone. maybe...we should give them a little time and softly get in contact again? wish you the best luck!))

I've stayed friends with various exes.