Do aspies regret breaking up?

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I just get crunched into place.

Mate this is called a 'self fulfilling prophecy'.

Not really. Once a woman loses interest, the chances of it returning are very slim. And I easily pick up on this. Worst case scenario, she might go out and cheat on me, so I'd rather break it off before it turns ugly.

Parting ways is always easier for the one in a power position or for the one taking the initiative, even if it means taking it from a power position. People IN power who are used to it really, REALLY despise those who steal their power and walk away on their own terms that power people lose their ability to control. It's entirely emotional and nothing rational about it. I've experienced this with job loss, both personally and with others I've seen get abused by employers. Once you're in, they work hard to make you feel wanted and accepted, and you get the impression you are needed. If you leave, you feel you're letting them down and putting them in a bind. What happens is they look for your replacement while leaving you out of the loop. Next thing you know, you're out on the street with nowhere to go.

It is FAR BETTER for you, though ethically totally against everything I was ever taught, to take a job, do a 6-month to a year stint, and immediately start lining up your next gig on your first day at work.

You reach a point when you grow beyond Romper Room gigs and assume positions of control, where YOU call the shots and do all the hiring/firing or dictate policy. You get to stick around longer because people actually want to work WITH you, not just use you to prop themselves up.

And I think all relationships are like that, even romantic ones. You get married because you cannot move forward without bringing in an intimate partner and growing your household and family together. It really does change your whole identity.

But, yeah, until you get there, it just "feels better" being the one with the initiative to break up or move things forward. One of my exes was quite a heinous gold digger and I should have ended it sooner and not looked back. What did I do? Practically stalk her for nearly a year, and like a dog returning to its vomit I succeeded in wearing her down...for a little while, until she told this guy she met in college who wouldn't leave her alone that she "loved him." Drove me freakin' INSANE. The rest of the story is I worked my magic and got her to cheat on him with me until the games got too distracting for me while I wrapped up an internship. I was forced to leave her alone...which, ironically, drove HER crazy.

She eventually married and quickly divorced THAT guy, got pregnant from an ONS, and married up. I don't miss her one bit. But back then, I was, like, how DARE she dump me? After all I've done for her, THIS is what I get? Heck, naw, b¡+¢# must PAY! See, nobody thinks that way when they're the ones doing the walking. When you're getting dumped, you go into fix it mode, you beg, you want to know what you did wrong. And that makes it difficult to be a grownup about it.

The best breakups I ever had were the rare ones we knew were coming but just didn't want to talk about. I hate being the one to start that conversation. I hate the inevitable tears. But when it's done, it's done, the sun rises the next day, and you're both lifelong friends. No power struggles, no stupid games. Just a mutually beneficial agreement that the relationship had no future. Instead of all this who dumps who crap, why not just break up with each other? I love you, but we've been arguing all week. We can't get past this, and I think you'd agree I'm not good for you, not like THIS. Don't you think we'll be better off apart? Let's keep in touch, I mean, you never know. Hugs. Bye.

I have never regret breaking up with my ex's.

I know way too many people to think on these terms or compare anyone's life to some privately-traded company.

I broke up only once and it caused him to kill himself. But I still don't regret it.

Yikes! I'm sure you did the right thing, but that's gotta be tough.

I'll admit to suicidal feelings when I've been dumped before. But I think for those who attempt it or go through with it, there are deeper underlying issues leading up to it that would have caught up with them eventualky anyway, and it will always hurt those closest to the self-destructive person. While it's still very sad when these things happen, I am still glad at least you are ok.

I disagree.

We feel everything the same as everyone, but only when we're close to people. Otherwise we're outside the definition of people.

I felt guilty for YEARS for breaking up with my ex, until I read his emails and realized he treated me like crap behind my back even when we were still together! I want to kick myself for not reading the emails while we were still together... for respecting him. I could have saved myself years of grief. I hate him for not telling me what he thought of me, so I could leave him and leave him guilt-free. But I guess he didn't want me leaving with his child.

You should teach us your hacking skills.

What?

I am extremely selective in whom I even teach electronically anymore. The rest stays on paper. I know a lot of people who were almost robbed blind.

I can't hack... I have guessed people's passwords on other boards, but I just found this guy's email open. And I don't feel guilty, because HE actually HACKED into the email of HIS ex before me to find out if she was cheating on him... I just wanted to know if he was slandering me, if I should feel guilty about leaving him. Turns out I shouldn't have.

There are too many words to say about this but it's hard to shorten a 4-year-long journey into a message. (I tried ) He was a narcissist and a manipulative person. So breaking up with him was actually very good for me. I just wish I could have thought a bit clearer and let his family know about his particular situation though. Although I'm verbal, I can't talk well especially to the people I barely know and I can't talk on the phone at all but again I could have written to them. This is the only bitter feeling it left with me, and of course sentences starting with 'if only'.

I don't hack personal email.

If you are who I think you are, cberg, you did it at least once in the past.