Life of women who do not know they are autistic

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It was irony.

I took a selfie for you

Sorry about my odd sense of humour. I just think the story of Sophie and some of the comments about her not appearing 'autistic' perfectly encapsulates the problems of being a woman on the spectrum.

No need to apologise , I love that type of humour , just went over my head this time due to the viewpoint from other posters , this is the only forum I feel comfortable enough to ask a question like that , anywhere else I would of just acted like my selfie and moved on.

I get it. It's like if you're an aspie female, what's the point of living? Even if you're diagnosed?

But no one can really understand the horrors I went through before, during, and after my diagnosis unless they'd been through it themselves. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I was put in places no apsie should be put in. My whole family was nearly turned against me by "professionals".

I am a woman who was on the autistic spectrum without knowing it, but the description does not fit me. I never compensated for communication impediments; I suffered through them.

Change the wording to "...many women who are on the autistic spectrum without knowing it." and I would be happier. Though I still lament the fact that I have read many articles and posts about this topic and they never seem to mention the women who are stereotypically autistic but still get a late diagnosis.

I get what you mean . All the things I read say that women and girls who have autism learn to fake social interaction. That might be true for some, but it is definitely not true for me! I wish I had the skills to fake social skills; it's quite an intelligent coping mechanism for some, but I just don't really have that ability. At least I don't suffer from burnout from all that passing as neurotypical- I've heard that can happen to some people .

Exactly! Except...

I never passed as neurotypical; I never tried to pass; I never had the skills; I never had the thought.

But I still had burnout.

I was burned out because of my sensory and executive functioning issues and lack of coping skills or coping mechanisms.

After I had autistic burnout, I sought help, was diagnosed autistic, and found out about my communication and social issues. Now that I am not completely oblivious to my communication and social issues, I could make the decision to try to pass as neurotypical, but I still do not have the inclination or the skill.

the article is stereotyping, the new stereotype of masking, might depend on familystructures and rolemodels? idk
i didn't, i got used to fear groups or to visibly stand alone, to suck up that great fear
socialising was equal to being paralysed, still i liked going to school, or learning about people
but i dreaded every activity outside the classroom

now coincidently, another Sil talked about her dd, after years of therapy, asd was suspected and going to be dx
strange it seems more invalidating on the female-front in this lineage, i said i suspected mil to had been asp and she had thought that too
the opp sex seems to find career-paths easier, (in this extended family at least)

I think there is a problem with the description. Every woman with ASD (Asperger's or not) is a different person with different personality traits.

I can relate to some of the things they described about Sophie but others not. I do get anxiety. I don't know if I would have anxiety if I didn't have nonverbal communication, sensory and executive function issues. Possibly. Life is full of anxieties. I was pretty sucky at masking myself until more recently (I started to put more effort in because I had reason to and some support). Masking is tiring but if it for a good reason, the good results can make up for it. I'm not saying I'm great at it but I mostly achieve my goals after having a few breakthroughs in technique and concept.

It is a clumsy description. Sorry to the author. Maybe they'd like a rewrite if they read this forum. You can't really diagnose someone based on one 3-6 hour segment of their life. I hope Sophie is a fictional person or she might happen upon this and be irked about the people doubting her autism. She might launch into a long heartfelt description of her whole childhood and teenage years with a bit too much detail for us all to stay interested

But we can't be blamed. Even if we know enough about ASD to be able to make a proper diagnosis... we just don't have enough info about this possibly fictional character.

I think it was just not written well enough for us or many other women with ASD. But any person you describe will be slightly or even very different to this one possibly fictional person.

There are lots of problems with the article. Like assuming that people who are low functioning have intellectual disability. I'm sure some would be very irritated by that statement, possibly saying I have speech and muscle dypraxia and overwhelming sensory problems but I'm not dumb (though I might look like it).

By the way, thanks for posting the article ASPartofMe. And also thanks for all the responses.

It's a flawed article but I have to say reading it with everyone's responses have brought new and interesting issues to light. I like that. I feel like I have a few more pieces to a big puzzle.

There is a lot to learn on Wrong Planet. Not just about ASD but also about being a human being. I find most posts and articles I read always have a little something to add, even if it is just to learn what is a misconception or mistake. Seeing the untruthes is sometimes very helpful to get to the truthes.

If I ever say something that seems a bit dumb or wrong please let me know. It always stings a bit but I love learning from my booboos. I feel like that is almost the only way I do learn.

"The description we’ll give could be that of any woman who is on the autistic spectrum without knowing it"
COULD be ANY autistic women, not IS EVERY autism woman.

Oh no ! I'm sorry you went through burnout. That must have been hard. I can relate to what you said bout never having the thought- before I read about ASD I thought things like eye contact were only for business deals . Even now, I don't care about making eye contact; it's too hard.

Last edited by StampySquiddyFan on 24 Jul 2017, 10:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

If you've met one woman with autism, you've met one woman with autism... Its a spectrum of traits that impact on a persons functioning level to different degrees and with adult undiagnosed women they are quite unlikely to present as an obvious stereotype.

Absolutely. One woman might be good at "masking."

Another really doesn't give a hoot about it, and will act according to how she wants to act--if it's autistic, so be it.

I don't think ASD people are always going to be able to relate to one another because everyone with it is different. I can't relate to severe Asperger's or severe autism because I don't have that. I can't relate to other people with anxiety disorders because I don't have their anxiety. I can rarely relate to people with OCD. I couldn't relate to other pregnant women when I was pregnant with my son because I didn't have their pregnancy and I didn't get all bitchy and trolly like they did on Babycenter. But the second time I could because it was more uncomfortable with my daughter so I could relate more to others with it because they also had pregnancy discomforts and hating being pregnant and moving in the last week of my pregnancy was very hard and standing was very uncomfortable but I still can't relate to the food cravings or the drama they did at Babycenter and I am convinced they used their pregnancy as an excuse to behave poorly and also use it to eat poorly and to gain excessive weight. I can't relate to that. I don't even relate to other people with depression well even though I have dealt with it myself.

It seems like lot of people think they have to relate to someone to believe their disorder or to take their problems seriously or to think a character is accurate.