Does not thinking about dating mean the bullies have won?

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Marknis
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24 Jul 2017, 5:56 pm

A lot of my bullies would taunt me by telling me I was never going to get a girlfriend and was never going to get "laid". Even today I still get flashbacks of their taunts and insults. I really want to prove them wrong but so far I haven't been able to.

If I stopped thinking about dating, would this mean the bullies have won? I don't want them to celebrate but I hate how my efforts to get out of my rut have only lead to dead ends.



TheSpectrum
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24 Jul 2017, 6:05 pm

Out of curiosity..what have their lives mounted to exactly?
Outside of biological urges, what have these bullies fulfilled in life?


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Marknis
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24 Jul 2017, 6:35 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
Out of curiosity..what have their lives mounted to exactly?
Outside of biological urges, what have these bullies fulfilled in life?


Some of those bullies are related to me. One of them, a younger cousin, I don't want to be around if I can help it. Not only did he shove the fact he had a girlfriend in my face, he went to Japan (He came back) and got a job as a cop.

Thanks for nothing, mom and dad. All that "Don't do this, don't do that!" and telling me to be a "good Christian boy" lead me down a dead end path.



TheSpectrum
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24 Jul 2017, 6:39 pm

Hmm.

Well, he's measuring your life based on what he wants in his or what he views as important or accomplishments.
Many people do that, yet their introspection doesn't consider what makes you happy or what you want out of life.

If you want to live peacefully without the pressures of dating and you are doing this. Great, you're doing just fine. They may think they've won, but they haven't.


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Marknis
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24 Jul 2017, 6:52 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
Hmm.

Well, he's measuring your life based on what he wants in his or what he views as important or accomplishments.
Many people do that, yet their introspection doesn't consider what makes you happy or what you want out of life.

If you want to live peacefully without the pressures of dating and you are doing this. Great, you're doing just fine. They may think they've won, but they haven't.


This guy (My bully younger cousin) is a sociopath and only wants to talk about guns, violent video games, zombies, violent comics, and harming or killing other people so my thoughts mean nothing to him. I am just glad he lives four hours away from me and I have no desire to ever go back to Houston.

I sometimes hear about another bully getting married or going into a career while I don't even date and don't have a college degree.

I feel like I am being told to give up the whole girlfriend thing and just either live until I die of old age or kill myself. If I stop thinking about it, it means I have given up.



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24 Jul 2017, 9:31 pm

Winning...losing... Who cares what bullies think, anyway? Why feel you have to prove something to anyone?

As a musician I'm going through a dry spell at the moment. My classmates have gone on to get rich or marry up. They all have a fancy house while I'm stuck in the old double-wide. They have the manicured lawns they pay landscapers for, while I can't even afford to keep a walk-behind repaired long enough to get through a month or two--so now I have a yard full of weeds as high as the house.

So while I'm waiting for my lawnmower to get out of the shop, I'll record a track or two.

Now, let's be honest... they may all be rich, but what does that even mean? Student loans. Mortgage payments. Car payments. And the girls who married up are gonna be SOL if their husbands lose a job. Me? Van is paid for. House is paid for. Bills are paid up for the rest of the year. We got some extra cash coming in for kids' tuition. So maybe we don't have a lot of money, but we also don't have much responsibility, either. We're a lot less stressed than most people at or above our means. So who really won here?

No girlfriend? Be glad, because that means no DRAMA. No gf means you don't have to worry about getting dumped.

It's all a matter of perspective. I'm not suggesting anyone is better off alone and forgetting about it. I'm just saying there's always a positive where ever you are in life.



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24 Jul 2017, 9:38 pm

Jokes on them because I never wanted a boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm asexual.


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ZachGoodwin
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24 Jul 2017, 11:00 pm

When bullies do this, they attack what opportunities you missed in life. Added, the bullies may be insecure with problems in their own personal life. Why focus on the opportunities you missed? Why not focus on the opportunities you do have, and go with them?



Marknis
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24 Jul 2017, 11:48 pm

ZachGoodwin wrote:
When bullies do this, they attack what opportunities you missed in life. Added, the bullies may be insecure with problems in their own personal life. Why focus on the opportunities you missed? Why not focus on the opportunities you do have, and go with them?


I don't have any opportunities. Unless there's some secret club in my area, I am an outsider.



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25 Jul 2017, 1:02 am

Marknis wrote:
A lot of my bullies would taunt me by telling me I was never going to get a girlfriend and was never going to get "laid". Even today I still get flashbacks of their taunts and insults. I really want to prove them wrong but so far I haven't been able to.

If I stopped thinking about dating, would this mean the bullies have won? I don't want them to celebrate but I hate how my efforts to get out of my rut have only lead to dead ends.


i am assuming that when you stop thinking about dating, you'd later stop caring about dating, finding a partner and that will no longer be a factor in determining your self worth. at least, i hope that's what happens.

in that case, no, i wouldn't say the bullies have son. i'd say YOU have won. their taunts will be targeted to an area that would no longer affect you, and bullies really like to "get ya where it hurts".

the best revenge is living well, and if you can do that without having to go through the nightmare of finding a partner, then that's all the better for you, i think. :)


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Marknis
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25 Jul 2017, 1:29 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:
Marknis wrote:
A lot of my bullies would taunt me by telling me I was never going to get a girlfriend and was never going to get "laid". Even today I still get flashbacks of their taunts and insults. I really want to prove them wrong but so far I haven't been able to.

If I stopped thinking about dating, would this mean the bullies have won? I don't want them to celebrate but I hate how my efforts to get out of my rut have only lead to dead ends.


i am assuming that when you stop thinking about dating, you'd later stop caring about dating, finding a partner and that will no longer be a factor in determining your self worth. at least, i hope that's what happens.

in that case, no, i wouldn't say the bullies have son. i'd say YOU have won. their taunts will be targeted to an area that would no longer affect you, and bullies really like to "get ya where it hurts".

the best revenge is living well, and if you can do that without having to go through the nightmare of finding a partner, then that's all the better for you, i think. :)


I don't want to live the rest of my life single, though. They aren't pressuring me to have a girlfriend, they are telling me I can't have one.



Last edited by Marknis on 25 Jul 2017, 1:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

Kiprobalhato
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25 Jul 2017, 1:41 am

^ not saying you have to.

bullies feed on insecurity, self hate and obvious vulnerabilities, though. but you may be able to come out on top, above the bullies if you do manage to find success in other areas of your life.

if at least the fixation on dating lessens, maybe that can go a long way?


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Marknis
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25 Jul 2017, 1:43 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:
^ not saying you have to.

bullies feed on insecurity, self hate and obvious vulnerabilities, though. but you may be able to come out on top, above the bullies if you do manage to find success in other areas of your life.

if at least the fixation on dating lessens, maybe that can go a long way?


Long way as in finding a girlfriend?



Marknis
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25 Jul 2017, 9:03 am

My older brother used to terrorize me a lot, especially in regards to wanting a girlfriend as well as trying to be an individual. He's better now but I still get flashbacks of how he treated me.



kraftiekortie
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25 Jul 2017, 9:07 am

It doesn't mean the bullies have won. It means you've let yourself lose.

Don't give up.



TheSpectrum
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25 Jul 2017, 9:15 am

MagicMeerkat wrote:
Jokes on them because I never wanted a boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm asexual.

Image

AngelRho wrote:
Winning...losing... Who cares what bullies think, anyway? Why feel you have to prove something to anyone?

As a musician I'm going through a dry spell at the moment. My classmates have gone on to get rich or marry up. They all have a fancy house while I'm stuck in the old double-wide. They have the manicured lawns they pay landscapers for, while I can't even afford to keep a walk-behind repaired long enough to get through a month or two--so now I have a yard full of weeds as high as the house.

So while I'm waiting for my lawnmower to get out of the shop, I'll record a track or two.

Now, let's be honest... they may all be rich, but what does that even mean? Student loans. Mortgage payments. Car payments. And the girls who married up are gonna be SOL if their husbands lose a job. Me? Van is paid for. House is paid for. Bills are paid up for the rest of the year. We got some extra cash coming in for kids' tuition. So maybe we don't have a lot of money, but we also don't have much responsibility, either. We're a lot less stressed than most people at or above our means. So who really won here?

No girlfriend? Be glad, because that means no DRAMA. No gf means you don't have to worry about getting dumped.

It's all a matter of perspective. I'm not suggesting anyone is better off alone and forgetting about it. I'm just saying there's always a positive where ever you are in life.

I am of the same mindset as you. However, I'm opening up to the idea of relationships.


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