Does not thinking about dating mean the bullies have won?

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I am of the same mindset as you. However, I'm opening up to the idea of relationships.

IIRC, AngelRho is married.

Interestingly, my older brother told me he wishes he was in my life situation because he has four children who eat up his time. I can understand wanting to get away from screaming children but I wouldn't wish my social isolation on anyone.

He doesn't see or process your solitude that way.
He views you purely as "single".

well when i was in school, it was kinda like a caste system, there were those that were popular, thus deserved to mate, and those that didn't. I abstained from dating for a number of reasons, also it would make me more visible thus give me something to loose. but the school system protects bullies so what can I say. its part of the system.

School felt like a tournament as well in regards to dating. The jocks would humiliate other guys in front of girls and try to date as many as they could so the less fortunate guys would have no oppurtunities. I find it odd how those who call evolution a "feery" tend to act the most Darwinistic.

Taking a break from focusing on the girlfriend issue doesn't mean living the rest of your life single...it means take a break and focus on some other areas of your life and improving those. I still think you should seriously consider moving away from home...out of the bible belt even or at least a town a bit less crappy than the one you're in. I mean even if you got a girlfriend where you're at what would you and her do...you say there is nothing for you to go out and do around where you live, sounds like you'd just be miserable with the stress of having a girlfriend on top of it. Moving away would also open up the opportunity to be around more varied types of people...not cheap beer drinking, football loving, gun fanboys and trashy girls that go wild for them.

I had one boyfriend in highschool, and we both got picked on...

Being married, having struggled at relationships, and continuing to struggle just means I find it difficult to empathize with and validate those who complain about it and never keep a consistent proactive strategy to escape their status quo. It always sounds to me like people like that enjoy their situation. I'm not saying you DO, I just mean that's often how it appears to me.

That said, having struggled and always struggling, I not only feel your pain, but I've overcome a lot of the negativity inflicted on me during my formative years. It IS something anyone can rise above. I would think coming from a married guy someone out there might find that encouraging. This is where I was. This is what I did about it. This is what I learned.

And if I can, I try to pass it along every chance I get. You were talking about the moratorium, but then you didn't seem to actually know much about Erikson's stage theory. So perhaps informing you on Erikson's stage five of his stages of psychosocial development might be useful for you.

I should probably learn when to quit. But, then again, even if it doesn't help the OP, someone lurking might find something useful. I enjoy seeing people take happy turns in life, so whether you end up in a relationship or you just hang the whole thing up matters not. What matters is how well you live with either decision. If, for instance, you're obsessed with finding a gf but it only leads to more unbearable pain, how is telling you to get a gf going to help? Deciding to be alone might not be much better, and that's understandable. But it CAN certainly be easier and lead to a life that's just as fulfilled.

I have a similar problem at the moment. I keep thinking about this band I played in. I was out cutting grass for over 4 hours yesterday. That's a long time to just think about stuff and I just couldn't shake those thoughts, which I really, REALLY don't want. Truth is, I'm better off without them, but it still stings. I take some comfort in the fact that school starts back next week and I'll be too busy working to get my contract renewed for 2018 to think about much else.

I definitely don't enjoy my situation and I've tried to get out of my rut many times. I am not like the guys on the love-shy.com forum who just use it as a platform to express how they hate women but still want sex, women's rights, and how they want to move to the Bible Belt because it is supposedly an anti-feminist and anti-liberal utopia.
Sure, feminism isn't strong here and the social as well as political atmosphere leans more to the right but men are still expected to meet certain gender roles.

And what exactly have you tried to get out of this living situation rut?

I've tried speed dating, asking girls out, going back to school, and meet up groups.

I also have a strange relationship with time. I am almost 29 and while it's felt like it took a long time to get here, I feel like I've lost a lot of time. Sometimes my day will feel slow and by the time I realize the day is still here, I will have lost many hours.

Your topic reminds me of my experiences which I explained in a thread I made about a year ago: https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=327376

I was also bullied mercilessly for not having a girlfriend or not getting laid and it resulted in me feeling like I was a loser as long as I didn't have a girlfriend (I have been single my entire life).

I try not to let stupid bullies, most of whom I haven't seen in many years, dictate my life. It would not be fair to a potential girlfriend if I was in a relationship with her purely because I didn't want to think of myself as a loser and wanted to validate my self-worth through her.

I still have issues with self-worth and self-esteem, but I have for the most part moved on from allowing bullies from the past and the simple duality of single/dating to dictate my life.

If I had a choice, I think I would rather be with the victim of humiliation than the bully. I feel like I would be able to relate to the victim better.

I would try to avoid either being the victim, or the bully.

It wasn't especially nice being a victim. I never was a bully.

Unfortunately, the school pressured boys to be iron pumping jocks and girls in Bible Belt culture tend to think if a man isn't "strong", he's weak as well as "weird" or maybe even gay.



Either were extremes.

My energy level is at its all time low. I can barely get up without having to go back to bed. As soon as I wake up, my mind immediately brings up my struggles. My 29th birthday is closing in and that doesn't help at all.