Dying for a diagnosis, dying for validation. Need help.

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Faun
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10 Sep 2017, 4:25 am

Hey, I'm Alex. I'm a transgender boy, meaning that I was assigned female at birth, and I started socially and medically transitioning at 15. I'm 21 now, nearer to 22, and I began suspecting I was autistic when I was 16. For the past 5 years, my life has been an absolute nightmare of being completely shrugged off by mental health professionals. Well... 6 years, if you count the BS I had to go through to get diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 15.

(Buckle up, I'm about to go deeper into detail about this wretched journey than perhaps I've ever gone before. I'm very sorry for how long this is, but I'm very emotional about the experiences I've had.)

I spent a whole year considering my possible autism and doing quite a bit of research before deciding that I wanted to try and get professionally diagnosed when I was 17. I already had a psychiatrist at the time for medicating my bipolar disorder, so one day when I had an appointment with him, I brought up that I thought I was autistic and that I'd like help getting an assessment. My mom came with me to that appointment because I tend to be too passive and uncertain when trying to explain things to doctors.

So, when I told this psychiatrist that I thought I was autistic, he looked me in the eye and he said, "It says here that you already have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Why isn't that enough for you?" I tried explaining to him how stuck and frustrated and helpless I felt because I profoundly related to the autism diagnosis but absolutely nobody but my mom would take me seriously. I sat here stammering to this man for a few minutes, clearly very distressed by what I was describing, and he only stared at me and said nothing. After several moments of dead silence once I had finished talking, my mom finally growled, "C'mon, Alex, we're leaving," and I never saw that psychiatrist again. My mom was furious that he could treat me so coldly.

That was my first experience with trying to get an autism assessment.

The second time around, I actually succeeded in getting to the assessment part... sort of.

My parents told me shortly after I'd spoken to that first psychiatrist that they found a neuropsychologist an hour away who could assess me for autism. That's what my parents said. To this day, though, I'm still not entirely certain if that's exactly what happened.

I met with this doctor on two different occasions for 3 hours at a time, so a total of 6 hours. When I first met her, she asked me if I knew why I was there. Now, the thing is, there was another reason for the assessment, and that was for the neuropsychologist to write up a report at the end explaining that I needed a 504 plan in school. I was scared to mention the word "autism". I'm not totally sure why. So I just told her that the assessment was to see what could be causing the issues I was having with school and social interaction and whatnot. I didn't once say or hear the words "autism" or "autistic" until after the assessment was over.

One of the first things this doctor asked me about was my interests. I happened to mention that I'm very interested in psychology, and I am -- especially in "abnormal" psychology, y'know, about mental illnesses and other forms of neurodivergence. Now, this is going to come back into play in a second...

The entire assessment process appeared to be a general neuropsychological assessment. Tests measuring memory and organization skills, tests with the kinds of problems you'd expect on IQ tests (though I'm not sure if I was given any actual IQ tests), tests measuring my math and language skills, tests measuring my brain's processing speed, all of that kind of stuff. About two thirds of the way through the whole process, I began to seriously think that there was some sort of misunderstanding and I wasn't being assessed for autism at all, but I didn't speak up. I just trusted that this was how it was done.

The neuropsychologist did have at least one interview with my parents, but I don't know what they talked about.

Some professionally diagnosed autistic people I've spoken to have told me that that's exactly how they were diagnosed, while others have told me that it is in fact strange that I wasn't given any tests made to measure autism-specific traits. So, I'm still not at all certain that the assessment I went through was appropriate or not.

A few weeks after completing the assessment, I met again with the neuropsychologist, and this was one of the very first things she told me: "You're not autistic. You can't be, because you're interested in psychology, and autistic people don't care enough about others to have such an interest."

That was the one and only reason she gave for me not being autistic.

I have no choice but to suspect that, when I told her I was interested in psychology within 5 minutes of meeting her for the first time, she decided right then and there that I wasn't autistic.

She told me instead that I have avoidant personality disorder, but because I was a few months short of 18-years-old, she couldn't officially diagnose me with that. Instead, she officially diagnosed me with social anxiety disorder, and wrote in her report that I experience severe executive dysfunction, and that's why I needed a 504 plan in school.

I was, uh... pretty crushed for awhile. Autism had perfectly explained so much of my life. I really did think it was the answer to why I felt so... different. So isolated from the rest of society. But I thought, hey, if a neuropsychologist who'd worked with tons of autistic people in the past (as she told me herself) was convinced that I couldn't have been autistic, then it must have been true.

After a couple months of it being too painful to think about, I finally started to think, "Y'know what... What that doctor said was extremely incorrect and ableist. Most any autistic person I've spoken to or otherwise heard speak would probably be appalled by the suggestion that autistic people 'don't care enough about others to be interested in something like psychology'. Now that I think of it, that's actually extremely offensive, and I can't believe a person who's supposed to specialize in treating developmentally disabled people believes such a thing."

And the more and more I felt outraged by what had happened to me, the closer I got to finally allowing myself to continue identifying as autistic despite what that doctor had said. I soon made the decision that, for the time being, I didn't need a professional diagnosis. I was already receiving adequate treatment for bipolar disorder and anxiety and ADHD and all that. Nothing about my treatment would have changed if I were to receive an autism diagnosis. I decided that I didn't need to go through the hell of seeking another assessment.

Today, 4 years after all that occurred, I am 100% positive that I am autistic. I go through occasional brief periods of the awful doubt that comes with self-diagnosis, but I've... managed. For the most part.

Of course, I've tried to have other things diagnosed in the meantime. Haven't had too much more luck. Every single psychiatrist I've asked to help assess and possibly diagnose me with something over the last few years (so, probably like 4 psychiatrists) has told me, "I don't really do that kinda stuff. Ask a therapist of some kind." Then usually when I do ask a psychologist or MFT to assess and possibly diagnose me with something, they tell me something along the lines of, "There's no need to diagnose you with anything further. We should just treat the symptoms as they are. You don't need a specific label."

One therapist even told me, "Get it out of your head that you have anything more than what you've already been diagnosed with."

The absolute most I have ever gotten since the maybe-autism assessment with the neuropsychologist 4 years ago was a therapist 1 year ago agreeing to discuss borderline personality disorder with me, and only giving verbal confirmation that she believes it would be "an appropriate diagnosis", but I was still never legitimately assessed or diagnosed.

I just... I see people online talk about successfully finding doctors and therapists who are cooperative and fully willing to listen to, believe, assess, and diagnose them with the thing they had previously self-diagnosed. And I wonder... what's wrong with me? What is it about me that's made it so no mental health professional I have ever met in my 6 years of dealing extensively with the mental health system has ever cared enough to help me? Why doesn't anybody believe me? Why doesn't anyone see and care that I am suffering immensely trying to get the right help? Why don't the only people who are fully capable of helping me want to help me?

*sigh*... A couple of months ago, I learned about pathological demand avoidance, or PDA, and how it's considered a somewhat uncommon autism profile that doesn't yet have a lot of research done on it. I read a lot about it, and found that the vast majority of it describes me and my experiences throughout my life. I even read personal accounts written by autistic adults with PDA, and was floored by how much of it I relate to.

Now, discovering PDA has brought a big realization upon me. And that realization is that I think I actually do need an autism diagnosis. Not just for validation, but as a critical part of improving my mental health.

My life has been steadily heading downhill since I was probably 9. Every year has felt harder and harder. My level of functioning has plummeted. I was constantly bursting with creativity throughout my childhood, but as I progressed through my teenage years, I wrote and drew less and less. Inspiration stopped coming. I started getting stuck. I started just staring at blank sheets of paper, blank Word documents, blank music staffs for what felt like hours at a time before eventually getting frustrated and giving up.

School got more and more difficult to keep up with. Throughout high school, I signed up for less and less classes each trimester, because the workload was starting to get completely overwhelming. By the time I reached the second trimester of my senior year, I was only taking one required class that I actually had to try and pass (by that point I would deliberately fail everything that wasn't absolutely necessary to pass), and I was failing that one class. I felt awful when my friends would see my class schedule and say, "Oh my god, lucky! You're taking so few classes and they're so easy!"

I dropped out around that time. Never got my high school diploma.

My entire life has kind of been me constantly wondering, "Why is it so insanely difficult for me to do the things that everyone else finds easy?" and consequently feeling (and being called) lazy for as long as I can remember.

Today, I'm at an all-time low in terms of functioning. I don't remember the last time I showered or brushed my teeth -- it's been at least a week, I'm positive, possibly even more than two. It's been many months since the last time I even attempted anything creative. Leaving the house is torture. Responsibilities are torture. I don't feel like I'm capable of anything but eating and breathing right now.

The thing is, though, I'm not depressed. This isn't depression. Right now, my mood is better than it has been in years. I just moved back in with my mom a couple months ago after leaving my (now ex) partner whom I'd been living with for two years. That was an extremely stressful relationship. There were many demands and expectations of me while I was living with him, and I was miserable and constantly stressed for a very long time.

My mom, on the other hand, is wonderful to live with. She's incredibly loving and supportive and relaxed and fun to be around. This is the first time in my life that I've had the chance to pause and catch my breath, it feels. My dad was also very demanding of me throughout my childhood. My parents divorced when I was 18, but that was the same time that I started dating my recent ex, so when my mom and I moved away from my dad, there were still the demands of my relationship to deal with. Now that I have neither my dad nor my ex to cause me constant feelings of stress and dread, I am simply relaxing without consequence for the first time ever.

I remember that while growing up I used to fantasize about having the power to freeze time... Everything always felt like it was too much, and I desperately wanted a way for it to all stop for as long as I needed to take a break and calm down.

Anyway, what I'm realizing is that I need the mental health professionals responsible for treating me to know that I'm autistic. The way it is now, every professional I've ever spoken to has been under the impression that if my mood disorder and issues with unresolved childhood trauma/neglect are properly treated, then I'll become a fully functional part of society. What I need them to understand is that it doesn't stop there. I need them to be aware of and willing to face the fact that there are differences in my brain that permanently affect the way I process and deal with the world, and that rather than "overcoming" these issues, I need to learn how to work with them.

Otherwise, I fear that I'll be going nowhere for many more years. I fear that I'll just keep trying medication after medication with no positive results, and that each and every therapist I meet will tell me nothing but, "You're capable of anything you put your mind to!"

Problem is, mom and I are in a tight financial spot (so, the $3,000 - $5,000 assessment process offered at the UCLA hospital is out of the question), and I can't seem to find a doable place that assesses adults and takes my insurance. I found one place that seems promising, but my mom called and left a message with them 4 times over like 2 weeks and they never called back.

I feel so hopeless and exhausted. I don't know where to turn. And every time something comes along that seems like it'll actually get me somewhere, everything falls through and it ends in disappointment. That's what makes it even harder to keep going. At this point, I can't afford to get my hopes up. I cannot allow myself to get excited that "maybe someone will help me this time". I've felt the pain of failure too many times in the past.

I don't know what any of you can do to help, I just... I don't know. Even a, "Hey, it sounds like you've been through a hard time, but I believe you," would feel loads better than what I've been getting so far.



Chichikov
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10 Sep 2017, 5:04 am

What I'm going to say isn't going to be popular, but maybe your actual underlying issue is that you have some kind of hypochondria? You have already listed many things you think you have and have sought diagnosis for, many of which you didn't even detail. It's a genuine thing where people read up on a condition and think they have it. It seems that autism is just the latest label you're chasing.

Why do you want a diagnosis? It's not going to change anything, it can't be treated. And if you do get this, and then PDA, will you then fixate on a new condition and think you have that also?

I think this is why psychs are telling you to focus on symptoms rather than labels. You need to be looked at holistically.



Faun
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10 Sep 2017, 6:17 am

Chichikov wrote:
What I'm going to say isn't going to be popular, but maybe your actual underlying issue is that you have some kind of hypochondria? You have already listed many things you think you have and have sought diagnosis for, many of which you didn't even detail. It's a genuine thing where people read up on a condition and think they have it. It seems that autism is just the latest label you're chasing.

Why do you want a diagnosis? It's not going to change anything, it can't be treated. And if you do get this, and then PDA, will you then fixate on a new condition and think you have that also?

I think this is why psychs are telling you to focus on symptoms rather than labels. You need to be looked at holistically.


I chose not to mention any of the autistic traits I experience because I'm not obligated to convince strangers on the internet that I'm autistic, and also because my intent here was not to talk about how autistic I am, but to explain my experiences with attempting to get diagnosed. I am far beyond the stage of "I think I'm autistic and I desperately want to talk to other autistic people about every single trait I have to see if they agree". I already know what I am and what I experience, and I don't need your approval.

I don't owe you proof. I don't owe you anything.

I have been suffering my entire life with "hidden" problems. I've struggled and struggled and struggled and all I ever got for it for 15 years was, "You're clearly not trying hard enough." My parents all but beat me to try and get me to "do better" in school. In relationships. In life. When I finally started reading about autism and I began to connect the dots, I was simultaneously ecstatic and furious. Ecstatic that, for the first time, I felt like I had a solid explanation and reason for why I am the way I am, and why so many "simple" things are inexplicably difficult for me. Furious that throughout my whole childhood and adolescence, nobody ever once thought, "Something's wrong, here." Well, nobody but one or two of my elementary school teachers who told my parents that I should be evaluated for some sort of developmental disability. Of course, my parents didn't listen. A lot of my anger was directed at them.

You know, it was my therapist who first suggested that I was bipolar when I was 15, but she couldn't legally diagnose me, so she suggested that I go to a psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis and medication. I'd never been to a psychiatrist before. The very first one I went to, I told him that my therapist thought I could be bipolar, and she's the one who wanted me to get diagnosed. He asked me two questions: "Do you experience periods of depression that alternate with periods of high mood and energy?" to which I said yes, and, "When you experience the periods of high mood and energy, are they more fun or more scary?" to which I said they were more scary. The psychiatrist paused for a moment and then immediately told me, "Yeah, I don't think bipolar disorder is something we need to worry about," and that was that. End of discussion.

Since then, I've been diagnosed with bipolar II disorder twice by two different doctors, and I've been taking medication for it for years.

My point is that the first doctor I saw was wrong to treat me carelessly and not even make a serious effort to assess and diagnose me. He immediately did not believe what I was telling him, and based on very little information, decided that I was mentally healthy. And he was wrong. If that's how every single psychiatrist and therapist had treated me every single time I had tried to get assessed for bipolar disorder, where would I be today? Not being properly treated and probably in a much worse mental state than I am now.

This is what happens when mental health professionals fail to properly diagnose their patients. The patients suffer. I am suffering. I have been suffering. Literally all I want is for doctors to do their jobs and agree to just assess me.

The reality of the situation is that there is a disturbing amount of mental health professionals out there who are too uneducated on anything other than unipolar depression and general anxiety. Tons of mental health professionals possess harmful, stereotypical, and narrow ideas of what it means to be autistic, or what it means to have borderline personality disorder, or whatever else. They see me, and they see a person who does not fit their harmful, stereotypical, narrow views of what an autistic person looks like. And for that reason, they're predisposed to not give a crap about what I have to say. They've already decided that I'm "normal". Rather than think, "Well, maybe there's something I'm not immediately seeing," they're instead thinking, "This stupid kid just wants to be special and collect labels."

THAT is how I have been treated a majority of the time I've dealt with mental health professionals. Nobody cares that at this point I'd literally rather die than live the rest of my life as an undiagnosed autistic person who's constantly being disrespected and ignored by the only people who can help me. That is how much this means to me. That is how much this hurts.

You have absolutely no right to come here and do what doctors and therapists have been doing to me for years. You don't know anything about me or what I've been through. Do not try and act like you do.



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10 Sep 2017, 7:20 am

If you don't want peoples' opinions then don't ask questions on the Internet.



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10 Sep 2017, 7:27 am

Having read your post carefully, I feel for you and what you're going through. I'd also like to apologize for the hypochondriac comment from that other individual, there's no reason to assess ANY mental health disorder based on one post.

So first of all, welcome to Wrong Planet! I hope you find what you need here!

I think right now you should try to keep an opened mind about what your diagnosis may be. That means you may or may not be autistic. However, I think that is certainly something you need to find out. Do you think that, over time you might be able to save money for a diagnosis at UCLA, even if it takes awhile? Maybe you could try crowdfunding it (just trying to think outside of the box).

As far as your previous diagnosis from psychiatrists, I think their is a possibility they were influenced by your parents. There are two problems with that. If the psychiatrist talks to your parents first and your parents give their opinion on your struggles and what they may mean, that can take objectivity out of your evaluation. The psychiatrist would never admit this, but being a part of the human race, it would still influence her/his overall opinion.

When you seek an assessment in the future, if you don't go through UCLA, you need to interview potential candidates and see if they have experience with autism. If you successfully locate a psychiatrist you can work with, you'd need to make it clear to them that they are working for you, and you'd like an objective assessment.

As far as the psychiatrist who ruled out autism based on your interest in psychology, he was absolutely right to do so. I mean, what do you think, there's some website somewhere where autistic people go to discuss psychology-related topics such as autism, schizophrenia, depression, and other psychology-related topics? I'm autistic, and I'm absolutely NOT talking about psychology right now, I don't even know what the word means.

Sorry for the sarcasm.....

The final thought I'd leave you with is if you'd like to, feel free to share both traits that are autistic and ones that aren't. Please understand, I'm not suggesting this because you need to prove anything to anyone, it's just that this is a forum that is a potential resource for you. If you choose not to, that's cool. Have you taken any of the online tests? Again, you don't have to share the results, but I'm not sure if you are aware of them or not.

I'm sorry you've been through so much. The funny thing is being transgender generally has significant challenges that go along with it, but I bet that hasn't come even close to the challenges you struggle with that may be related to autism.



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10 Sep 2017, 7:28 am

Faun wrote:
...I happened to mention that I'm very interested in psychology, and I am -- especially in "abnormal" psychology, y'know, about mental illnesses and other forms of neurodivergence....

So, you know that, among LGBT individuals, the rate of FtM individuals with autism is considerably higher than the norms (that makes it a real "thing"). I mention this because many autism clinicians either don't know about the research or avoid it intentionally.

Faun wrote:
...mom and I are in a tight financial spot (so, the $3,000 - $5,000 assessment process offered at the UCLA hospital is out of the question), and I can't seem to find a doable place that assesses adults and takes my insurance. I found one place that seems promising, but my mom called and left a message with them 4 times over like 2 weeks and they never called back....

At the UCLA autism clinic, you might try asking for a diagnostic "scholarship" or discount on the fees. Failing that, its staffers should be able to recommend another nearby college or university clinic with more affordable fees (also, check with university hospitals; they need clinical patients to help give their students experience.

You could start making a list of such clinics by calling them and asking for: 1) fees for a diagnosis, and 2) any scholarships or discounts. And, you can search for diagnosticians near you in private practice using this ( https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ ... 7&spec=251 ) database.

Building your own Top Ten list of providers and their fees should narrow your choices to the three clinics you would feel comfortable attending. Make some dry-run visits to your chosen clinics, and see if the environments are conducive to your needs (besides, actually visiting a clinic and its staffers can help you learn even more about what they can do to help you).

Finally, become your own best advocate. If you have completed some autism-related self-reported screening tests ( https://www.wired.com/2001/12/aqtest/ or http://www.aspietests.org/raads/ or http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php ), add their results to your list of evidence. If your goal is an autism diagnosis, avoid talking about all your other diagnoses. Clinicians can get off-track when confused.

Good luck in any case. Feel free to PM me if you have questions. :D


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Diagnosed in 2015 with ASD Level 1 by the University of Utah Health Care Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic using the ADOS-2 Module 4 assessment instrument [11/30] -- Screened in 2014 with ASD by using the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre AQ (Adult) [43/50]; EQ-60 for adults [11/80]; FQ [43/135]; SQ (Adult) [130/150] self-reported screening inventories -- Assessed since 1978 with an estimated IQ [≈145] by several clinicians -- Contact on WrongPlanet.net by private message (PM)


Faun
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10 Sep 2017, 8:53 am

AspieSingleDad wrote:
Having read your post carefully, I feel for you and what you're going through. I'd also like to apologize for the hypochondriac comment from that other individual, there's no reason to assess ANY mental health disorder based on one post.

So first of all, welcome to Wrong Planet! I hope you find what you need here!

I think right now you should try to keep an opened mind about what your diagnosis may be. That means you may or may not be autistic. However, I think that is certainly something you need to find out. Do you think that, over time you might be able to save money for a diagnosis at UCLA, even if it takes awhile? Maybe you could try crowdfunding it (just trying to think outside of the box).

As far as your previous diagnosis from psychiatrists, I think their is a possibility they were influenced by your parents. There are two problems with that. If the psychiatrist talks to your parents first and your parents give their opinion on your struggles and what they may mean, that can take objectivity out of your evaluation. The psychiatrist would never admit this, but being a part of the human race, it would still influence her/his overall opinion.

When you seek an assessment in the future, if you don't go through UCLA, you need to interview potential candidates and see if they have experience with autism. If you successfully locate a psychiatrist you can work with, you'd need to make it clear to them that they are working for you, and you'd like an objective assessment.

As far as the psychiatrist who ruled out autism based on your interest in psychology, he was absolutely right to do so. I mean, what do you think, there's some website somewhere where autistic people go to discuss psychology-related topics such as autism, schizophrenia, depression, and other psychology-related topics? I'm autistic, and I'm absolutely NOT talking about psychology right now, I don't even know what the word means.

Sorry for the sarcasm.....

The final thought I'd leave you with is if you'd like to, feel free to share both traits that are autistic and ones that aren't. Please understand, I'm not suggesting this because you need to prove anything to anyone, it's just that this is a forum that is a potential resource for you. If you choose not to, that's cool. Have you taken any of the online tests? Again, you don't have to share the results, but I'm not sure if you are aware of them or not.

I'm sorry you've been through so much. The funny thing is being transgender generally has significant challenges that go along with it, but I bet that hasn't come even close to the challenges you struggle with that may be related to autism.


It is currently a little after 6 AM and I've yet to go to sleep for the night... er, morning. (I've suspected for a couple of years that I also have something along the lines of delayed sleep phase disorder, which I've noticed seems to be kinda common among autistic people? Idk, I've read some accounts from and personally spoken to a handful of autistic people who are either diagnosed with a sort of circadian rhythm disorder such as DSPD or non-24 hour sleep-wake disorder, or suspect they have one.)

Anyway, I'm getting sleepy, and I'm not sure I'm able to make this response as full as I'd like. But, I'll definitely say thank you so much for this reply, and I will certainly keep everything you've said here in mind as I continue on my path!

Two things I would like to legitimately respond to, though:

I definitely plan on talking about the autistic traits (or not-so-autistic traits) I experience on the forums! In fact, I finally decided to make an account here after knowing about Wrong Planet for years simply because there's one specific thing I experience that I really wanted to talk about with other autistic people away from my usual stomping ground, haha. I guess I just didn't find it necessary for my debut on this website to be some big spiel about "how autistic" I am. As I said before, I don't want to feel like I have to prove myself to anybody.

Also, yes, I've taken the usual self-reporting tests! I've taken each one a few separate times over several years. I tend to be in the 165-175 range on the Aspie Quiz, I get around a 175 on the RAADS-R, I've consistently scored an 11 on the Empathy Quotient, I think I'm somewhere around a 40 on the Autism Quotient... Uhh, heh, yeah, I've been thorough.

And the last thing you mentioned there about being transgender, it's very funny you say that, because I have indeed had a relatively easy time being trans and having to transition compared to what I've gone through growing up being treated completely neurotypical and now fighting to find the answers in early adulthood. And it's... strange and sort of uncomfortable, because everyone seems to believe that I'm so "strong" and "resilient" and "brave" for being transgender, but nobody appears to see just how devastating the way my own brains works is for me.

Well... anyway, again, thank you for your reply, I very much appreciate it. :)

AspieUtah wrote:
So, you know that, among LGBT individuals, the rate of FtM individuals with autism is considerably higher than the norms (that makes it a real "thing"). I mention this because many autism clinicians either don't know about the research or avoid it intentionally.


Ahaha, yes, I've definitely heard this! Very interesting stuff, and it makes sense in... a weird way that I can't quite put into words right now, hehe.

And -- okay, I'll spare the length of this post and refrain from quoting the rest of your reply, but I will thank you very much for your tips, as well! They're super helpful! ~



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10 Sep 2017, 10:39 am

Faun wrote:
A few weeks after completing the assessment, I met again with the neuropsychologist, and this was one of the very first things she told me: "You're not autistic. You can't be, because you're interested in psychology, and autistic people don't care enough about others to have such an interest."


Hi Alex,

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :)

What your neuropsychologist said is really out of order. What if you're autistic and your special interest is psychology? That makes you no less autistic. And just because I'm autistic doesn't mean that I don't care about people. I have difficulty reading and responding to social situations but I'm not a robot.

That said, I hope you feel better soon. I think it's just crazy that you have to pay so much money for an assessment! Where I live (Germany) the assessments are free (covered by health insurance) but the waiting lists are a nightmare. I had to wait 13 months but it was worth it in the end. I was treated respectfully. Is there an autism clinic that you could contact? In my experience seeing someone who's familiar with AS and how it presents makes a huge difference.

Lea


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10 Sep 2017, 12:52 pm

Hi, Faun (Alex)----and, WELCOME!!

I totally feel your pain, in your words----and, I have always believed-in "gut feelings", and feel you should trust that. The experiences you've had with these horrible doctors, unfortunately, seems to almost be the norm. That one female doctor, who, supposedly, had experience with autistic patients, must be out of her MIND, telling you what she did, regarding your interest in psychology----if, for no other reason, than because having psychology as a special interest, isn't always about PEOPLE, it's, IMO, often, more about PROCESSES (how "things", work), and the exploration of them, and so-forth; and that, IMO, falls-under the "patterns" category, which is EXTREMELY Aspie-like!! There's many, MANY people here, with a special interest in psychology (myself, included)----it is also about, understanding OURSELVES!!

That other doctor, who asked you TWO questions, and said you weren't bipolar, is a TOTAL idiot, as well!!

I don't see you as a hypochondriac----I see you as someone, like the rest of us..... Just trying to find an answer----and, until you feel you / your "symptoms" have been given proper consideration, you, possibly, won't feel secure, in that you've been given the proper diagnosis (WHATEVER the diagnosis is - and, understandably).

I don't really have anything more to offer you, unfortunately, in terms of suggestions----I had thought of crowdfunding, but AspieSingleDad already said that----and, it seems like you've really covered all the bases, in your research and thinking from various angles.....

Just know that you have another person in your corner, rooting for ya!!

Take care,

Cat





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White female; age 59; diagnosed Aspie.
I use caps for emphasis----I'm NOT angry or shouting. I use caps like others use italics, underline, or bold.
"What we know is a drop; what we don't know, is an ocean." (Sir Isaac Newton)


Stardust Parade
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

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Joined: 20 Mar 2017
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21 Sep 2017, 2:56 pm

Chichikov wrote:
What I'm going to say isn't going to be popular, but maybe your actual underlying issue is that you have some kind of hypochondria? You have already listed many things you think you have and have sought diagnosis for, many of which you didn't even detail. It's a genuine thing where people read up on a condition and think they have it. It seems that autism is just the latest label you're chasing.

Why do you want a diagnosis? It's not going to change anything, it can't be treated. And if you do get this, and then PDA, will you then fixate on a new condition and think you have that also?

I think this is why psychs are telling you to focus on symptoms rather than labels. You need to be looked at holistically.

I kinda agree with this post. ^



Voxish
Velociraptor
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Joined: 16 Apr 2016
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Posts: 426

21 Sep 2017, 6:43 pm

I am sure you are (dying for a diagnosis) and hope that you find the complex borderline personality diagnosis which best meets the person which you are.

You take care now.


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