Feeling like a child
Alexinwonderland
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 11 May 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 58
Location: United Kingdom
I am 28 but mentally i feel about 15/16. I wish i was still at scool and I am jealous of children that are at school. It feels wrong that I am working because I struggle so much with it due to my learning difficulties and being criticised and bullied by my supervisor. At least at school I felt protected by the teachers and I enjoyed some of the subjects I was taught. As a teenager I never smoked, did drugs, didn't drink that much and never put myself in dangerous situations with men like some of the girls I was friends with. I was also late developing sexually too, although I had a sex drive I didn't enjoy or perform proper sex with women (I am a lesbian) and I only had and enjoyed proper sex when I was 23 with my now wife. At the age of 28 I enjoy going to arcades and amusements instead of going out clubbing and drinking like most 20 somethings do. I don't have that many friends but at least my wife enjoys that stuff too. Does anyone else feel much younger then they do? My parents want me and my wife to move out next year or the year after to buy a place and I am scared. I have lived away from them before and I find it so hard....due to my learning difficulties I can't do basic household chores like change a lightbulb or put together a fan etc because I am also dyspraxic. I hate feeling much younger than I am and apart from being married, there is nothing I like about being an adult. Who else feels younger then they are?
I totally understand where you are coming from. I've lived the adult life where I worked for Amazon.com and had a relatively important management job with a lot of responsibilities. I'm going into physical therapy and there will be patients depending on me to help them and keep them safe, so there's a fair amount of responsibility there as well. I was married for 7 years until my wife passed away. So yeah, I've lived the adult life and yet I feel immature.
It doesn't help that I can play with my 9 year old son and make him laugh will my silliness. While it's good for him, it makes me wonder about my level of maturity. It also doesn't help that, aside from my wife who was 3 years older than me, the women I *know* have been attracted to me are significantly younger than me. That wouldn't be a problem except that it goes against my Aspie morals I have in place for myself to date somebody so much younger. Right now there's a 25 year old lady who is clearly interested in me and while I *am* considering asking her out, I'm really conflicted about it and may decide not to pursue anything.
So yeah, I have to wonder why I'm attracting younger women while women in my age range seem less interested. When you consider that women in my age range would be more likely to want to date somebody my age compared to younger women, it makes me believe that there's something about me that comes across as immature. It also bothers me that I get along really well this this 25 year old woman, that we have similar interests, and always seem to have the same thought process. We even have similar senses of humor, which seem more appropriate for *her* age than mine.
The thought has occurred to me that this is because us folks on the spectrum *are* more immature and less sophisticated for our given age. It makes me wonder if, in my case, I should be pursuing a relationship with a younger woman because it would lead to a more successful relationship. It makes me wonder if I went out with a woman around my age, she'd be taking on more of a "mother" role than a relationship of equals.
Okay, sorry, didn't mean to write my life experience or something, I just know where you are coming from. So I have a question for you (and if you asked me the same question, I wouldn't necessarily know the answer), is it so *bad* to come across as younger than you really are? Would that make you view yourself as less of a person?
When I was a young teenager I became very anxious to tell the world I wasn't a child any more, to throw off the yoke of parent and teacher authority and to get me a slice of the freedoms and powers the Big People had. But that was purely because I didn't want to be literally mistaken for a child or treated like one. Once it was clear from my appearance that I wasn't a child, I was annoyed that some folks disapproved of me doing harmless childlike things such as getting a Magic Roundabout lampshade when I was 19. I just ignored them and got on with it. I've not noticed all that many people who mind, though I've always shunned judgemental people as far as possible, and I don't suppose my childlike ways are all that extreme.
These days I keep away from kids as a rule because they make so much noise and mess, but when I've looked after them I've found it easy to relate to them on their level, and they've tended to like that about me. So many adults deal with kids as if they're a different and inferior species, and when you tell them that an adult is a degenerated child, they don't like it.
I think it's normal enough for Aspies to retain some childlike qualities, and as long as it's not harmful, I'm glad they do. I like the "out of the mouths of babes" adage, the unfettered imagination, the empathy with animals, the love of silliness, and the ability to get so much joy from the simplest of things that so many adults dumped as worthless long ago. The world can be a cruel environment and I can't afford to be a defenseless child or it would wipe me out, but I don't have to kill the child inside me in order to "man up," I just have to put it to bed sometimes.
StampySquiddyFan
Veteran
Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,754
Location: Stampy's Lovely World
I love being a kid, and I never want to grow up, ever. It makes me really fired up and angry when people refer to me as a teenager, young adult, etc. because I can't take the change. I'll stay a kid forever, thank you very much!
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Hi! I'm Stampy (not the actual YouTuber, just a fan!) and I have been diagnosed professionally with ASD and OCD and likely have TS. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please feel free to PM me!
Current Interests: Stampy Cat, AGT, and Medicine
I'm 22 who still feels like 12... Or 8. Deep down. And it isn't a choice.
I wasn't a rebel, nor that 'good-girl-stereotype'.
That itself isn't a problem. At worst, it's just one of those moments of not able to relate or join, that people would take it as a sign of immaturity -- especially with peers.
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Definitely applies to me. If I'm going to be spending time with other people, I'd way rather be doing structured activities or playing games than making small talk and socialising in general...isn't that exactly the perspective that a child would have?
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Level 1 Autism Spectrum Disorder / Asperger's Syndrome.
Personally I don't feel like a child or think I'm too childlike, but other people do seem to think so... I mean yes, I read a lot of comics, watch cartoons, dress in colorful clothes, play Pokemon Go etc. but that doesn't make me a kid or ret*d. I keep wishing that when (if?) I finally get a proper job people will take me more seriously... my mom won't that's for sure, but maybe my dad and my sisters would, along with others that aren't part of the family.
jrjones9933
Veteran
Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,144
Location: The end of the northwest passage
I wasn't a rebel, nor that 'good-girl-stereotype'.
That itself isn't a problem. At worst, it's just one of those moments of not able to relate or join, that people would take it as a sign of immaturity -- especially with peers.
I usually perceive you as around that age. I've seen posts that indicate your calendar age, and they startle me a little. It gets easier as life goes on, in my experience. For a while, everyone wants to appear older than they are, but that fades. I think most people come to value the youthful flexibility and curiosity that comes with being young at heart.
I can't believe I'm 48, but given the opportunity I'll probably forget what year it is, and hence forget my age. In another twelve years or so, I'll start to have license to act like a little kid again, so things should ease up
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"I find that the best way [to increase self-confidence] is to lie to yourself about who you are, what you've done, and where you're going." - Richard Ayoade
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