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impendingtacticallama
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 17 Nov 2015
Age: 31
Posts: 29

21 Oct 2017, 2:50 am

Awkward title, I know. :D

Do I need to change my eye contact habits when listening to women in the workplace?

I have had really awkward problems in previous jobs. During one of my internships, a senior female colleague walked past my desk every day - I would do what I normally do, and quickly glance in the direction of a noise - over time she started smiling at me whenever it happened, and soon after for the rest of my time there she totally ignored me. Years later I realised she must have thought I was checking her out, she must have liked me, and then got annoyed when I didn't respond.

I don't want something like this to happen again, where professional relationships break because I'm unwittingly inappropriate.

I normally look people in the eye when they speak, whether one-to-one, in a meeting or a presentation. I make sure to look away every so often. I tend to move my eyes horizontally, but I know moving them up or down can be useful when I want to appear submissive/dominant/apologetic etc.

It seems natural and obvious to me - it says 'Hey I'm paying attention, I'm listening'. I have noticed that few other people seem to do this.

It has worked well for me, and I think that being the only person to 'look' at an important person at work when they speak has netted me special (good) attention in the past.

I've started a new job and have lots of female colleagues. I'm worried that I'm doing something wrong. When I have conversations with them, I do what I normally do, and it seems mostly fine, but some are a bit uncomfortable or nervous. For instance they might fidget, or break eye contact much more frequently than normal.