People tell me why you dont talk at all

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Hi.

I'm being asked with this question frequently. They say me "why dont you talk?". Do you experience this?

But i have no ppl to talk with. This sucks. And even if someone starts conversation with me, it ends. Because i have zero social and talking skills because of aspergers syndrome. I just talk something weird with my low voice and apparently the person gets bored and goes away. This is why i dont talk and i am lonely! But these people dont understand it and they ask this question.

Another reason is social anxiety. I'm anxious in social environments. I cant talk easily with others. I sweat, my face gets a little red when talking. I'm too shy and anxious.

I want to get rid of my problems and want to be just normal. I want to be able to talk easily, be not anxious or obsessed about something. I just want to be normal! But it seems impossible because i'm autistic.

At least i want to be a little less autistic.

Because when I talk they have the nerve to tell me "you talk too much" and "shut up"

And when I do not talk they have the nerve to tell me "why are you so quiet?"

Someone please tell me the limit and quota of daily words. And the limit and quota of decibels

"You were talking too loud at Trader Joe's"


"Huh?"

And then measure the decibels with a machine

I get this too. I also have bad social anxiety, and when I get too nervous, it becomes hard/impossible for me to speak understandably. And I usually have the most trouble at the beginning of conversations with people I don't know, so I also often have people give up on trying to talk to me. I also really wish I didn't have this problem, it's extremely frustrating for me.



My family does something similar to me. They'll interrupt/talk over me, clearly not listen to me when I'm speaking (to the point that I can end by saying "...And no one cares." and get no reaction), or sigh irritably every time I start to speak, and then later they'll complain that I don't talk enough. Gee, I wonder why that could be

My problem isn't quite the same. I started talking at a age appropriate age just a little delayed but not enough to question. I talked too much but everyone thought everything I had to say was rude, mean or stupid so I withdrew. I started making friends on the internet, youtube, forums and facebook because it's easier to express myself in written words rather than verbally because I have time to contemplate how best to express what I'm trying to say... it's awkward that I have more online friends then friends in person...

Sometimes I have to write monologues just to get across what I'm trying to say... it's so frustrating because I'm that way when speaking also but folks don't have patience with verbal monologues and they feel insulted because they feel that I'm insulting their intelligence..

So I can't fully relate... but I understand your dilemma... Just keep trying. I've found it helpful when I make a social blunder to ask others what they would have said in that situation. Especially in customer service when you kind of have to repeat yourself a lot or answer the same question over and over again this is helpful and also improves your people skills indirectly as well. I hope that helps. ^^;;

OMG I get the same thing!! ! My sister will yell "STOP TALKING SO LOUD" when I'm at the store and stuff and it's embarrassing and hurtful and I feel like she's nitpicking because no one else seems to be bothered and it ruins my mood a lot. And then she gets mad because I'll stop in the middle of my sentence and I won't continue after her little episode.

dragons and demons

likewise with eye contact

"what the f**k you looking at?". "you got a neck problem? want me to fix it for you?"

"look at me when i'm talking to you!".

it's either too much or too little

someone please take a videotape and measure with a protractor, the correct amount of eye

contact.

Someone on my bus once asked me why I never talked. Well, if you want me to talk, why don't you, I don't know, talk to me?

The AP:

when i was in third grade, my sister's friend's dad drove me from somewhere to somewhere.

later my sister told me that the dad told her, that i did not say a thing the whole trip.

it's like wtf?

if he wanted me to talk, why didn't he talk to me?

sometimes someone acts like i was being curt. (this example).

sometimes someone won't listen when i talk. or they mishear. or they grunt "huh" and "what". or they are so judgmental. ("cool" "why?").

it's like an entire flow chart

When people would ask me why I didn't talk, I'd always reply, "I don't have anything to say." When I tried to talk, they would often interrupt me, completely drown out what I was saying. Often people are mostly listening for their own voice in a conversation.

OP - One thing that helps is assembling a script of generic responses for small talk. Observe the sorts of things other people say and adapt that to your future responses (nauseating as they are, clichés are the ultimate cut+paste conversation filler). Also, sometimes just a question is all you need to keep a conversation going. Someone says, "I adopted a kitten over the weekend.", you could ask, "Does your kitten have a name yet?"

Even though it's otherwise just ephemeral conversation, it still counts toward building overall speaking skills.
Everyone's different, but often social anxiety decreases with experience. These things have improved my ability, regardless of my dwindling motivation. Even so, I know it's a good to build the skills.

People don't even bother to ask me why I don't talk.
They just assume that of course if I don't talk, it must be because I'm arrogant, nasty, not interested, snobby, find them not worth talking to, I'm trying to make them uncomfortable on purpose, or I'm somehow making a negative judgement on whatever it is they're talking about by not talking myself.
If they'd even bother to ask, they'd find out I have a speech disorder and that's why I don't like to talk.

I've been asked this question, or its equivalent, multiple times. Usually, as someone else said, I answer with "I don't have anything to say."

Once someone asked me, "Do you ever talk?" and I answered by nodding instead of speaking. After realising I still hadn't spoken, I simply said, "yes". (They then asked why I don't, and I gave them my usual answer.)

I remember one time when I was 13 I was staying at my cousin's, who was only 10 at the time. We went out on our bikes with a couple of my cousin's friends, then all of a sudden lots of kids they knew all came along, until there was a big crowd of about 15 of us. I didn't know these kids, and they were a bit obnoxious. Plus I was the only teenager among them, and I was so shy I didn't speak a word. Then a boy asked me, "do you ever talk?" I just gave a smile and said, "yeah...sometimes".
I just wished - so much - that I was extroverted and had them all think that I was really cool. Usually if you are a kid and there's a teenager in your group, the kids all look up to the teenager and think they are "big" and "cool". But I was too shy to be cool. I would have been less awkward if I was younger than them, because you can get away with being quiet when you're the youngest kid in a group, even if you are generally not that shy.

People fear silent people because they fear that these silent people are scheming in some way.

It's a stupid form of paranoia, really.

I talk lots more than I used to; but in the old days, people were suspicious of me because I didn't talk much. They tried to "bring me out."

I say: if somebody doesn't want to talk, just leave the person alone. It is very rare that a "silent" person is actually scheming against people.

I get both of these irritating comments from NTs. Often. Either I talk far too much with them or around them and my usual encyclopedia-like information conveyance ways take over, OR, I'm dead quiet.

That appears to be the way with most of us Autistics doesn't it? All or nothing. Either the switch is on or off and either way it's too much or not enough. Ugh. Interesting, isn't it?

I think it triggers some form of paranoia with NTs with too much quiet and ego-suppression for too much talk. Who knows.

NTs... /facepalm

I usually end up telling them, "Because it's safer not to." Or, "It's better for me and everyone else if I don't."

Which generally prompts a sermon about anxiety and self-esteem.

Which, once upon a time, I took to heart and made myself into someone nobody liked. So that sermon, especially from some of the same people who taught me in no uncertain terms that it was safer and better to shut up, really gets on my nerves.

I'd upvote this a thousand times if I could.


Interesting. Never thought of that.
But it makes sense. An NT would only not talk to a group if they had something against them. And so the NT mind evolves a module for suspecting something is up when a person is silent.
I'll bet that module has more to do with the autistic's social problems then just about anything else.


I suspect that when we make eye contact that we can only hold it by adopting an aggressive mindset.
And that this then spills over into our expressions and body language.
Also there are limits to how much eye contact is considered acceptable.
I usually sustain eye contact ONLY as long as I'm in conversation with that person. All other times I make contact only briefly.

Last edited by The Abdominal Snowman on 26 Oct 2017, 12:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.