New young female co-worker joined today.

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When you want to have a family and kids but there isn't someone to settle down with, all the logical reasons why kids are are hard work and expensive, and being in a relationship is hard too, don't make any difference. If it's what you want most and you don't see yourself getting it then you feel like s**t.

I have the opposite problem. I'm not sure if I want kids but most of the girls I date say they want kids!

You're right that being in a relationship is hard. I enjoy it but it cuts into my alone time.

I think you spelled "fortunately" wrong.

Let me mention again that I was once a lot like you: I was so desperate for attention I jumped at the first person to show any sort of clear romantic interest in me and I was so desperate to not be a 30 year old virgin I formed a relationship with someone who, any way you slice it was a horrible match for me.

Sure I felt like a failure being the eternal single guy but I felt like EVEN MORE of a failure that I had such a loser girlfriend and that I stayed with her as long as I did, knowing full well her psychotic episodes were going to end up with one (or both of us) either in jail, hospital or a morgue. I still haven't forgiven myself for falling for someone who was very clearly messed up in the head and cannot even imagine what being married or god forbid having a child would have been like: I honestly believe it might have led to suicide. Imagine having to deal with a toddler day in day out and then finding out this same (25 year old) toddler was having a baby. On second thought that's not a fair comparison as most 2-3 year olds know far more about babies than my crazy ex did.

Remember when I turned 29 I had been on one pity date under my belt and that was it. I would have never imagined that just 5 years later I would be well established in a marriage and if not for a very cruel twist of fate, be raising two children as well. It would have been beyond my wildest imagination that could happen after the failures I experienced over and over in my late 20s.

If I could tell 29 year old GHF anything it would be to build self-confidence, be the kind of person you would be attracted to and the rest will almost magically fall into place and DON'T SETTLE FOR CRAZY!! ! ! I remember how crushing it was when women would reject me but by the end, when I had someone literally jump out of bed and run out the door, I laughed and told myself I was glad she showed me how nuts she was before I got into a relationship with her. Ditto to the one who went on a crazy rant based on twisting something out of context I texted her. They are doing you a huge favor by rejecting you!

I have the opposite problem. I'm not sure if I want kids but most of the girls I date say they want kids!

You're right that being in a relationship is hard. I enjoy it but it cuts into my alone time.

Haha oh there buddy. Relationships often start at work because you spend so much time together and talk so much feelings develop. After lots of long personal conversations. And heaps of non-verbal flirtation and signalling. I am a chatty friendly NT female who likes Aspies and often try to include them in work social events. They always read me wrong, so I have to EXPLAIN that I am being friendly ONLY. I am very empathetic, know how hard it is for Aspies so always make an effort to include them (IT firm). You buddy, need a mentor here, a wing-man at the very least to help you, warn you. Workplaces of often hotbeds of flirtation just because, well, they are. But there is work flirtation - which happily married people often do because well why not, it's fun. There is workplace flirtation for torrid affairs which can can be lighthearted no-strings fun (had many myself) or can cause disasters. But workplaces can be a nightmare for people who can't read nuanced flirtations signs - harassment flashing light. Believe me I have been in the room mediating between women who openly admit they were flirting but it meant nothing. So get to know her a long time, and properly before you try anything.

You wouldn't want to go through what I've gone through, trust me. I feel like I've been dragged through mud for ten years.

Did you’re wife have kids before you or did you recently have kids and I missed it?

Also your situation is different you’re a successful aspie with good job.
Not at all similar to a unemployed or low paid aspie at 30 who’s had no relationships

Most women either have kids or want kids. Biological drive I suppose.

He spelled it right; the sentence is missing a comma, though.

My experience what that while most single women claim to want children, their actions speak far louder than words. For example, I went on a date with one who not only frequently travelled, but also warned me that she watches NFL football all day every day on Sundays and would never change that. Not exactly a lifestyle for a mother and this was typical of those I dated. Not one said anything along the lines of "I live a busy life but would be willing to do what it took for family". It's like me claiming I really wanted a job but did not read job ads, send resumes or talk to anybody about it.

But that's still better than feeling like you've been dragged through mud all 30 (or is it 29?) of your years, right? Good to see that you can be positive, too. I know it's hard but try to keep that up. When you feel really miserable, remind yourself of the things that are fine and the things you have done.

You missed the joke I made. He thinks it's a bad thing he is single while his brother is in an admittently horrible relationship. I know from experience while it sucks being single, it is far worse to be trapped in an unhappy marriage. At least when you are single you can take advantage of any opportunities!

I think (in general) workplace relationships should be avoided. What if you make a move and it's rejected? What if you get together and you break up, and then have to see each other every work day?

There are so many other places to meet women, why would you want to sh-t where you eat?

29 and I don't see the dragging stopping any time soon. My 20's will end as a decade of disappointment and failure. If my 30's go the same, I will snap.

I feel like I've exhausted all potential options.

GiantHockeyFan

So sorry for your losses.

I don't think the job is the biggest block to a relationship for most guys on here either, but it's possibly the most obvious. My female NT friends always seemed to blame their looks for any relationship problems. This confused me for a long time until I realised it was a comfort to them.