Differentiating between a crush and being in love

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angela8
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21 Nov 2017, 8:31 am

Is this a common problem? I have a hard time telling, also.


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billegge
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22 Nov 2017, 1:47 am

angela8 wrote:
Is this a common problem? I have a hard time telling, also.


I don't know what a crush is.



Fireblossom
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22 Nov 2017, 10:12 am

I have trouble with this too... at one point I convinced myself that I had a crush on someone if I thought they were good looking and/or interesting and wanted to get to know them better and that I was in love if I couldn't stop thinking about the person, wondered what he was doing at the moment at random times etc. But now I'm honestly not sure... actually, I used to think I've had a lot of crushes, but looking back most of those were probably just me being a little attracted to handsome and/or interesting members of the opposite gender.



kraftiekortie
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22 Nov 2017, 10:40 am

It’s definitely love if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person.

It’s a slam dunk for me if I want to hold my lady’s handbag while she shops.



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22 Nov 2017, 12:53 pm

Love is when you want the person to be happy, with or without you, if that option is better for him/her.
Crush is when you want to be happy with the person, without taking into consideration how he/she feels about it.

Love is selfless. Crush is selfish.



billegge
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23 Nov 2017, 6:31 pm

Kiriae wrote:
Love is selfless. Crush is selfish.


Selfish/Unselfish : http://aynrandlexicon.com/lexicon/selfishness.html

Love: http://aynrandlexicon.com/lexicon/love.html



billegge
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23 Nov 2017, 6:37 pm

I have an idea. Try writing down cases of a crush and cases of love, then identify what makes a crush a crush and love love. At an even higher level, try to figure out on what basis you can even compare a crush vs love.



Aaron Rhodes
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24 Nov 2017, 12:25 am

Kiriae wrote:
Love is when you want the person to be happy, with or without you, if that option is better for him/her.
Crush is when you want to be happy with the person, without taking into consideration how he/she feels about it.

Love is selfless. Crush is selfish.


Love isn't entirely selfless. It's true that if you're in love you only want for them to be happy in the end, but that doesn't automatically cause your wants and desires to disappear. This is why love is irrational; a selfless approach is the purest form of love, yet selfish desires continue to persist thus contradicting what love is meant to be. Love forces people to make a choice that they know will cause them a great deal of pain. That's currently the situation I'm dealing with, and I've struggled to find a solution that is fair to both parties involved and not completely one sided.



angela8
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25 Nov 2017, 11:54 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s definitely love if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person.

It’s a slam dunk for me if I want to hold my lady’s handbag while she shops.

You have a great sense of humor. That is a spot on comment.


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angela8
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25 Nov 2017, 11:58 am

Aaron Rhodes wrote:
Kiriae wrote:
Love is when you want the person to be happy, with or without you, if that option is better for him/her.
Crush is when you want to be happy with the person, without taking into consideration how he/she feels about it.

Love is selfless. Crush is selfish.


Love isn't entirely selfless. It's true that if you're in love you only want for them to be happy in the end, but that doesn't automatically cause your wants and desires to disappear. This is why love is irrational; a selfless approach is the purest form of love, yet selfish desires continue to persist thus contradicting what love is meant to be. Love forces people to make a choice that they know will cause them a great deal of pain. That's currently the situation I'm dealing with, and I've struggled to find a solution that is fair to both parties involved and not completely one sided.

I think that's a thoughtful, thorough explanation. I also think love is when you worry when the person doesn't eat or sleep well or you want the person to truly know how worthwhile they are in their essence, not just superficially. :heart: :heart: :heart:


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25 Nov 2017, 2:22 pm

I think crush is when you like someone because you think they are cute or because you like their personality and you don't even know them or aren't even dating them.

Love is when you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.


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27 Nov 2017, 7:36 am

If you love someone, it's very hard to not love them even if they do you wrong while if you are just crushing on someone then find out they are a total jerk it's much easier to let go! This includes family members!


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27 Nov 2017, 8:35 pm

Love feels like the summation of life and it is romantic love, a crush is probably a form of admiration like having a favorite color.

A young child, for example, has no broad views of life and because of this cannot feel romantic love.



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27 Nov 2017, 10:36 pm

a crush is an attraction you know isn’t meant to be.

infatuation is a chemical connection. the person is perfect, because chemicals in the brain insist so... for approximately the first three years, and then all the upsetting things they’ve always done, stop being perfect, and are revealed as troublesome. it takes knowing the self quite well to know what’s going to be problematic in the future of a long term relationship, and if it can be committed to. people not knowing themselves is why courting for marriage in american culture is usually done in the first couple years, and divorces often come shortly after.

conditional love is the most that the majority can be bothered to remain single for. it’s romantic love, it’s just on the condition that the cost benefit analysis of a partner’s positive qualities outweigh their negative, only so long as their actions don’t become unforgivable.

unconditional love, in a romantic sense, is true love. it’s a bond as if spiritual twins. nothing they could do, nor anything could happen to jeopardize that affinity... even the most difficult times become hardships to work through as alternative forms for strengthening the bond. this isn’t a trivial form of love as if loving someone for the sake of it... it’s loving them as if a childhood best friend that you’ve been inseparable with since both of your mothers were pregnant, and spending time with each other, while the two of you were developing in nearby wombs. even at the worst of times, you know you’ll never find another in this short life that you’re so in tune with.


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28 Nov 2017, 2:59 am

Crush is another word for unattainable love.



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28 Nov 2017, 4:54 pm

Crush isn't always unattainable... I crushed HARD on a guy and it turned out he was crushing on me too... It was a matter of discovering this and when we found out we liked each other its now a 5 year marriage... We've had lots of ups and downs though.


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