Finding out you're autistic as an adult

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Hey there wrong planet,

I'm 26 and just finding out I am on the spectrum. I have suspected it for a year or so now but just started going to a therapist and all of the tests I've taken so far point to a large handful of autistic traits.

For those of you who found out you are aspie/autistic as an adult, how did you manage the transition? Did you tell your friends/people you know? I told my family tonight and it was a pretty uncomfortable experience. My social life has been pretty difficult lately and I am apprehensive to be labeled by people that may not understand.

After a few experiments I settled on informing people of separate issues, like
'Too much distractions, I'm uncomfortable'
'I'm overstimulated, need to go somewhere quiet'
'Social life makes me tired'
'I can focus on one thing at a time'
and so on. People are too startled and scared when you throw a DSM label but they usually can accept statements like the above.

Yeah, what Magz said.
The first couple of weeks I wanted to tell the whole world about it, but very soon realized that it's not helpful, since people don't know what it means if I just say "I'm autistic". Saying that just makes people know there's something wrong with me, and nothing else. So telling people about the actual problems is better than just expecting them to know what autism means.
Even for my family and boyfriend, I'm not demanding that they start reading up on it. I simply tell them what relates to me personally, in small doses at a time. For example "You know how I sometimes feel the need to be in a small, dark and quiet place? Turns out, it's because I'm really sensitive to light and sounds! (can't believe I didn't manage to figure that out myself...) Just please don't be annoyed if I want to wear my sunglasses inside. I know it looks stupid, but it really makes my life easier".
That works.


It got really uncomfortable with my family too. My father still won't fully believe me, so now I just poke him with small facts now and then. "Hey, remember when I was ten and read the whole dictionary? Aspergers."
He's slowly coming to an acceptance. Even starting to make comments about it himself. "How can you remember that? Got aspergers or something?" That's really great.

I've only told a casual acquaintance once. The conversation went:

Acquaintance "Emily just found out her son is autistic. So sad!"
Benjamin the Donkey: "I don't think so. Autistic people can do great things."
Acquaintance: "But it would be so hard to raise a kid like that!"
Benjamin the Donkey: "It's not so terrible. My older son is autistic."
Acquaintance: "Really? Oh, I'm so sorry! How do you manage?"
Benjamin the Donkey: "I'm autistic too."

I haven't been diagnosed but the first time anyone even suggested I could have autism was when I was 19 after a suicide attempt, I do wish I had been diagnosed in childhood though my life would have probably turned out a lot better.

I also found out when I was hospitalized for being "suicide threatened", So no actual attempt but something like it.
But I'm quite happy with the way things turned out. Sometimes I wish I had found out a lot sooner, but on the other hand, not knowing made me push myself out in situations I probably wouldn't have if I'd known. There's no doubt that my life would've been much easier and more comfortable if I had gotten the right help from the start (wouldn't have ended up homeless for example), but I also wouldn't be as independent as I am, and would've missed out on some very useful experiences.

I was diagnosed about 6 months ago and would say I still haven't really fully made the transition. I still find myself often questioning it, probably largely because it doesn't feel any different (why would it? It's something I've had all my life!). From what I've heard, this kind of thing is pretty normal among those diagnosed as adults.

I've told very few people - apart from family and my doctor, the only person I've told is the person who suggested to me in the first place that I might be on the spectrum.

Telling people really wasn't a big deal for me. I'm blessed to have a good support system behind me, so the whole process was pretty easy.

Well I was quiet all my life, freaking out even in grocery stores, but my mom assumed I was just deaf (I'm not deaf). There were so many times there were signs that I am autistic, but I really didn't find out until my 20s. I feel empowered, people have told me that itmeans I'm braindead but really it just makes me smarter and I don't mind being silent in my own little world, sometimes rocking back and forth. Now people think I'm shizoaffective but they got it wrong.

Part of the difficulty for me is I've spent my whole life trying to fit in with neurotypicals at somewhat average success but with a huge amount of anxiety as a result. Now that I understand why I am the way I am, I find myself for the first time being willing to accept that I'm different, in fact wanting that, but I don't know how to communicate the change. The differences have become more difficult to ignore as I get older and find myself facing the real world (hence why I began seeing a therapist), and a lot of people who used to be close friends just think I am becoming too weird or difficult to be around. Part of me thinks maybe they would be more understanding if they knew why I am like this. But then the way my dad reacted when I brought it up makes me pretty fkin scared at the same time.. I just want my life to get better!

I've never been formally diagnosed, and even if I do get a diagnosis I'm not sure I'd tell my family. AS was only suggested to me a few years ago and I hadn't really thought about it before someone pointed it out. I'm still coming to terms with the whole thing and the thought of telling my family is pretty scary. I'm not sure they would believe me. When I was growing up I would get notes from councilors at school telling my parents I might be depressed, but they never took it seriously. I suppose they thought (or hoped) I was going through a phase, even though looking back I was probably pretty severely depressed as far back as elementary school. At this point I'm not sure I'd trust my parents with anything to do with my mental state.

I do sometimes wish I'd known from a younger age, It felt like I was struggling with something so formless for my entire life, and I would have loved a definite descriptor of what I was dealing with. I'm the kind of person who loves hard data though, if I'd known earlier I would probably have some pretty detailed charts and graphs on the subject!

I understand that, and right now I'm sort of regretting telling my parents. They've been trying to rush me out of the house even though I am clearly unprepared to live on my own again (I did for a few years in my early 20s but had too many problems with roommates and coped with self-destructive activities). They make my life a living hell, trust me I want out as much as they want me out as freedom was the least depressive time in my life.. but I am trying to be realistic. Telling them what's going on with me was in a way an act of desperation.. I just want my struggles to be understood. But I already feel like it's backfired on me, my dad just yelled at me over something incredibly stupid, my anxiety is through the roof, I just want to wrap myself in a blanket and curl into a ball, but I have a bunch of things I need to do today and can't just shut down. I'm contemplating sleeping in my car in the woods for the next few nights.

I was told a few years ago by a therapist and psychiatrist that I likely had Asperger's but I didn't accept that it was true until earlier this year and so I never received a formal diagnosis. I have mixed feelings about it and I still have not told anyone about it, not even my partner of almost 5 years. On one hand, I think it would help him to understand some of the weird things that I do that sometimes harm our relationship but, on the other hand, I wonder how he would feel if he knew that those weird things might not be fixable.

I don't know.

I have no friends and a bad relationship with my parents so there's no one else I'd tell. I do sometimes wish that I could discuss it with my parents though because I really want to know whether anyone ever suggested to them that I might be autistic as a child. I just had so many massive red flags that I don't understand how I could have possibly fallen under the radar.

I am sorry your family is not taking it well but maybe they will be better once they learn more? It's probably a lot for them to take in all at once. Hopefully they will educate themselves and be more understanding

By the time I was diagnosed (at 40), my 'social life' was already such a train wreck that it couldn't get any worse, so I decided to just be honest with people about my diagnosis.

Before the diagnosis, people generally saw me as troubled, reclusive, capable of semi-normalcy at times, but in general dysfunctional, due to PTSD, abuse issues, bipolar disorder, and Lyme disease.

After the autism diagnosis, people felt uncomfortable around me, and distanced themselves. They either saw me as being more disturbed than they realized, or faking it to make excuses. In either case, they didn't want anything to do with me. (And I didn't mind, because I found socializing too stressful anyway.)

I'm grateful that my immediate family has been understanding though, and supportive through all this. They're the only people I talk to anymore, and I'm enjoying the peace and quiet.

I was assessed twice; once in 2014 (when I wasn't diagnosed with ASD as I had hoped, but GAD and OSPD) and again in 2015 (when I was diagnosed with ASD). Between the two assessments, I was determined to get my diagnosis. So, I researched everything about ASD for 19 months (including attending an international autism research conference); and compared it all to my life. By the time I attended my second assessment, my university diagnosticians offered to refund a part of my fee because I had "done so much of the work" for them.

Needless to say, all the work I did made any transition easier to understand. Though I did frequently think "oh yeah, I am autistic; that is why I do these things."

Amending what I said above - actually it did hurt a lot, when people rejected me after the autism diagnosis. But now I look back and don't care, and realize that in terms of my prior 'friendships', nothing of value was lost.

Sometimes situations like this make it clear, who is worth having in your life, and who you're better off without.