Was it my bpd or was I right?

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First of all, I am not diagnosed yet but I do meet most of the criteria at least some level. The only thing I am not is a reckless driver nor suicidal. I do love living even if it sucks sometimes.
I have a male friend, we have been friends for 6 years, he has aspergers.
I was probably one of the most understanding person around him, he even said it was weird for him that somebody showed some care. I tried to support him, I took a lot of bs because I thought it was not him but his illness but I can't do it anymore.

He promised me a lot of things, never delivered, left me hurt, crying and even after that I was there for him as I didn't want to left him. He is full of distrust and kinda hostile to everyone, he was abused as a kid. I just didn't want him to feel I wanted out because of him being an aspie.

But this year I was growing more and more anxious around him, more and more angry as I always believed him saying things, promising the stars but he was only bullshitting. I had a relationship with a sociopath before and this year I started to feel exactly the same with this friend, especially when I reread my diary, how many times I had written I wished he would stop trying to manipulate me. I tried to talk about this as I was confused is he was intentionally being a d#ck to me or it was his asperger, I still can't decide
but now I am facing another dilemma.

For the hundredth times he said he would visit me (never turned up, last time he was about to come, he sent me a text he would come late in the evening on that day or in the morning the following day, then never bothered to say something that he wouldn't make it as doing some paperwork is a better option for that day, I felt so frustrated and angry. Not because he didn't come but he didn't bother to send me a text at least just to tell me things had changed)
so he said it again he would visit me but this time I told him I didn't want him to come because his words means nothing. Also by now him saying anything about visits would trigger me, I would relive the feeling of being stood up for countless times and actually feeling stupid to believe him.

Later I sent him an email detailing why I sent that text, it felt harsh a bit but never got a reply and his phone is off.

Now my dilemma is that was it my suspected bpd acting out, not thinking of hurting others just basically lashing out or is it understandable that I don't want to be hurt repeatedly? He's giving me the feeling of abandonment all the time and that's not helpful.

I feel guilty not being an understanding friend but then I just don't understand ... is it really that difficult to send a text to say you're not coming? I've been telling this to him for years so he could have learnt it by now.

Some insights would be helpful as I am being caught up in a loop. Thank you for reading.

First of all, what you tell about your friend totally doesn't sound like Asperger's.
There is either a lot of things not mentioned in the story or very, very serious misinterpreting on your side. Or both, of course.
Manipulating and giving vain promises is very rare on the spectrum. I don't say impossible, but it is significantly less likely for an Aspie to do it than for a random person with no diagnosis.
So there must be a lot of unspoken and/or misinterpreted stuff.

He is diagnosed with aspergers but I do think he's got narcissistic tendencies too.
He said a lot of times he has problems with time, keeping track of time that's why he's late for 2-4 hours, he also said he is like this with everyone and I shouldn't take it personally but how I can not. I am involved so obviously I get upset.

My main problem is that since I realised I possibly have BPD I am not sure if I am overreacting or not. As if it's the asperger that stops him to deliver his promise, or stops him to say what he really wants or doesn't then I feel it was not right for me to be harsh, I just don't understand what's going on.

One recent example:
We talked about meeting at a concert, I asked him repeatedly to come, I phoned him on the day in the afternoon, he said he should make arrangements then to get there. He said nothing about not coming.
Obviously he didn't turn up.
After this he said he could visit me a couple of days later and that's when I told him his words mean nothing.

This is just one example. It's been years, I keep telling him what's the protocol when two people talk about arranging something but still nothing.

To me it sounds like you are more into him than he is into you. If a relationship consistently makes someone sad then it's not a good relationship and while walking away might hurt, it's a hurt with a definite end point. Continuing this relationship sounds like hurt, after hurt, after hurt.
I don't think his behaviour sounds typically autistic, not saying he isn't, but it sounds more like he doesn't particularly care about your feelings. Irrespective of his diagnosis, you need to think about the impact this is having on you and to be honest, he doesn't sound like he is worth the heartache. Take care of yourself. I hope you find someone who treats you better.

Well, my impression may be totally wrong but to me it seems he feels uncomfortable next to you but he doesn't know how to tell you. Maybe he also feels obliged not to feel like that.
He might even be scared of you.
Esp. if you are pushy and easily excited - that kind of persons I know are morally ok but interactions with them are overwhelming and exhausting and avoiding them is the easiest tactics not to get really bad.
I'm sorry if it hurts you - but maybe just give up?

I am not pushy, he initiates 90 percent of our interactions. I intentionally give him a lot of space as he has hard time to trust in anyone. Probably this is one reason we are friends still.
Anyway I figured I was not right to get too upset when it didn't happen what he promised, I always had abandonment issues, and probably I wasn't communicating well that he should let me know if anything happens.
I am not going to give up on him. Friends don't do that.
My thread was more about me coming to terms with who I am, the realization that I possibly have bpd changed everything how I see the world. Everything makes more sense now. (I started DBT)
Anyway thank you for taking the time to reply.

This sounds like a similar situation to mine.

But just because someone is on the spectrum that does not mean they are completely innocent without fault. They can be manipulative, mean and hurtful. He could have recognised patterns within your bpd and used that to manipulate you.

You deserve better. Guilt is not love and if you truly loved him you would let him go so he can learn his behaviour is not okay.

That’s not aspergers. He’s being manipulative and extremely rude. Drop him.

Borderline people cannot put up with this sort of treatment. Put yourself first.

What he did by not telling you the plans is not an aspie thing, it’s a rude thing. I have NT friends who do it and I have limited respect for them.