Worried about online friend who hasn't responded in a week

Post Reply New Topic

Sorry this is long.

I am a male college student in my early 20's & my friend is a girl with pdd-nos around my age. We met online about half a year ago and became really good friends, having lots in common and such. I started to like her about a month in and told her that and she reacted positively, saying that she was really glad I told her but is unsure how she feels yet beyond liking me a lot as a friend and that I should be patient for her, seeing as she has never had relationships before. Neither have I. She once told me she finds it comfortable talking to me, despite being introverted, as I am. We'd text just about everyday, sometimes we skype, up until about last month.

We mainly text through the Discord app and she hasn't been online much except for one time telling me there was no internet or power, and a few days after that telling me she has been super busy due to the holidays. She hasn't responded to any of my messages, she usually did at least once a day, she'll sometimes at the very least send me a quick message saying she was tired or had a long day. I also have her phone number, email, and on facebook messenger in which I do still see her online often. I sent her a message through those other methods with no responses, she hasn't even read my messages as they would indicate read or not. Visiting is not an option as we live in different states. Over the last few weeks, we have messaged each other very briefly. Such as on Christmas when she received my gift to her, & a few times after.

I started to become very worried about her and wonder why doesn't she get in contact with me through any method? I do believe that she may be genuinely busy & tired, as she has told me about her job which sounds hectic in my opinion. But, I slightly feel like she is purposely doing this. I am also on the spectrum, I have generalized anxiety disorder, and maybe depression. As a result, I overthink everything. I don't really have any friends and always find it difficult to make/keep them, or I usually have acquaintences in school. She has been the best friend I ever had, and my first online friend, it'll really hurt if she is purposely avoiding and I have to move on as we shared so much. I've been feeling very lonely & sorta depressed more than usual lately. Finding it difficult to sleep at night.

For further details about us, PM me.

Last edited by super boy 44 on 14 Jan 2018, 6:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sounds like she is no longer interested in interacting with you on a personal level. Happens a lot with people. You should try to move on. Interest in people fades, especially if you’ve never met each other and real life takes over.

Busy is just an excuse, and the replies you’ve had are just out of politeness. Don’t swim up a river.

I should add, she usually posts fanfiction online & works with another friend. She has only posted twice over those few weeks, and has written the last parts alone. She also Hasn't been using discord either in 2 weeks, where she has a few other people as well. Nor has she been on steam. We were only able to speak on weekends lately. She said usually during & after the holidays, things get very chaotic with her family. She watches 7 kids daily except Saturdays & has a weird work schedule in which she told me she rarely has her breaks anymore.

I really don't want to move on from her. I do want to wait patiently for her to be able to speak again. Maybe she is going through something worse? I find it very difficult to make new friends or anything. It'll really hurt if she truly is ignoring me.

It definitely sounds like the old “Not that interested” to me. If you want to wait for her by all means do so, but you might be waiting a long time.

If you let her go in the sense of not letting her affect you like this, there’s no reason you can’t go back to talking a lot IF she comes back. If she doesn’t then you’re in a better place to move on.

I would just not contact her for a while. Let her know you love chatting and would like to keep the friendship going. Leave the ball in her court and do your best to focus on something else in the meantime.

i really hope it isn't the case that she wasn't interested. If she wasn't busy & not interested, I would see her post things to various sites she's on, or log on to discord, etc. but refuse to respond to me.

I have been ignored by many people before, it felt bad at first, but I quickly moved on as it wasn't more than a week we spoke. Until her, I never had someone I could call a great friend & feel comfortable talking to. She called me a genuine friend as well.

I usually had school acquaintances over the years, very few i might add, that never really lasted that long. I find it very difficult to relate to others & initiate conversations. Nearly each time I have a so called friend, I usually have to initiate. I guess I seem to give off an odd vibe to others that they must hate me deep down.

It's difficult to focus on other things because then I start to think about her. I dream about her every night & sometimes it keeps me awake. Today is Sunday, she is usually likely to respond to me. Let's see.

I just went through the same thing you are going through now! I just had a friend and we were on skype a lot messaging each other. Then that person became too busy as well.

The best thing you can really do is let it go. I have anxiety and depression and I was worried about that person as well. Whether they lost interest or they may actually be too busy I don't know but, there is nothing else you can really do.

One thing to check is does that person still go on skype? It sucks to have this happen. My friend does things like this every now & then but at most would be 2 or 3 days, sometimes thinking I didn't send her messages, her service was bad, but we replaced texting with Discord, which she would usually be logged in but for the past 2 weeks hasn't been on at all.

Starting around the holidays it's been worse. This is the longest I haven't heard from her. She has told me that things got crazy in her household & she really doesn't have time to talk much. Though she hasn't been online on other things such as skype, steam, etc.

Yeah, I just got done with said friend trying to make a last attempt at contact. Well... let's just say that failed(...and ended with a nice insult to injury as well).

hale_bopp is correct, "I'm busy" is just an excuse. Most people usually mean "I'm bored with you please go away." Trust me, you're going to have to just let it go. No one's life could be so crazy that they can't send you a message back.

So you really injured yourself over this? It's been a week, what message can I send to her? I sent her a message over a week ago asking about things & she responded with a very long message saying she really has been busy & hasn't even had much free time to herself. If she really didn't want to talk with me, she probably would've blocked or removed me from various sites a few weeks ago.

It's possible she's having a shut down to anyone? She sounded serious & I do know what she does for work, & she has PDD-NOS. As I said earlier, she hasn't been on discord in over 2 weeks & she does talk to a few more people besides me on it. I asked her about things through Facebook messenger which she only really talks to her mom through it & leaves it open, making it appear like she's online. She doesn't have too many other friends.

There is really nothing else you can do but wait and continue on with your life. Like I said in my earlier post, no one's life can really be so crazy that they can't send you a message.(well it can but that is very rare.)

There is no message to send. The person that did it to me didn't block me or removed me or nothing just stopped talking, basically ghosting.

Possible, I would say. I have Aspergers, and sometimes when life gets too much for me, I just burn out completely. Every single bit of energy goes into scraping by getting the essentials done, and there's nothing left of me for anything else. When I'm like that, I get very dissociated, and I can't handle any interaction with people at all; my phone gets turned off, I don't read e-mails, don't open my post, don't open the front door. If anyone does manage to get in touch, I make the most pathetic of excuses why I can't be with them - anything to avoid talking about what's really going on, because I couldn't even begin to put it into words. The longer it goes on, the harder it is to get back in contact, because I dread having to explain myself. This can last anything from a few days to a few months, totally out of touch will all friends and family.

If she is having a burn out, much of the previous advice still applies. Your last contact with her was on good terms, so leave the ball in her court. If you send a load more mails, it could just add to any social anxiety that she's feeling. If it is that her PDD-NOS makes her prone to burn outs, then it is something that you may have to accept is an integral part of the friendship, and there is no way of telling when or for how long these times might last. To keep the friendship working, you would need to find ways to be comfortable with this.

When I get back in touch after a burn out, I am usually full of guilt for making people worry, and anxiety about explaining myself to people. So, if she does get back in touch, try not to bombard her with questions about what's been going on. Let her know that you're really pleased to be back in touch, that you understand that life can be rough sometimes, and that you're happy to listen to her talk about it if and when she chooses to, but if she doesn't, just get on with doing something you enjoy together.

There are a lot of "ifs" in there - the other reasons given for her losing touch could be correct. But the fact that she seems to have dropped out of the whole social circle is consistent with "stop the world, I want to get off."

She could just be very busy and wound up cutting ties with a lot of people she knew online. I've done the same thing many times. Sometimes for a long time, sometimes for a short time. When I'm really busy I hate spending my time sitting on a computer, so I rarely interact with people I know online during those times.

Simply not being interested in talking could also be a possibility. There are plenty of times where I decided I wasn't very interested in talking with specific people. Sometimes people just don't mesh or go through times where they talk a lot and times where they almost never talk. I've left groups of people who I spent years talking with, just because the place became toxic or various other reasons, even if there were still some people I liked there.

Don't take it personally or worry about it, just move on and meet new people.

If she hasn’t blocked and deleted you then don’t worry. If she ignored your Facebook message I would just leave it. You can’t make her reply, so use the energy building your own happiness instead of on her.

People often don’t bother talking much or at all, but they don’t hate you, they just can’t be bothered talking. It’s quite neutral, not negative a lot of the time.

Three things might have happened

1. You may have said something that she might have found offensive or did something constantly that got old after a while.
2. She just isn't interested
3. Maybe other people told her not to talk to people online


In scenario one you could ask her if you did anything bothered her or whether she just isn't interested.

Well, I did ask her that recently & said if there is something wrong then tell me & I'll work on that or if it's that bad, I'll stop contacting her if she doesn't want me to do that. She sent me a long message saying it isn't anything against me, things get chaotic around the holidays at her household (which is also where she works taking care of kids) & that she really doesn't have time lately, for herself either & that if & when she does get her time back, she'll tell me or if i really don't want to wait, then I can find someone else to speak to. She is also sending her gift to me when she gets a chance.

She doesn't have in person friends so she wouldn't be told not to talk to online friends.

Seems like she just has other priorities at the moment based on that message, which is good news. You can just focus on other things until she gets back to you.