How long would it take for an Aspie let go of resentment?

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datsloth
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23 Feb 2018, 1:45 pm

My aspie ex broke up with me last month for the reason he got fed up with our countless arguments, after that I have been improving myself and kept distance from him. He still approached me messages as he still wanted to stay friends but whenever I got back to his messages some hours later, he would brushed me off and that pissed me off; or sometimes if I respond right away, he would get annoyed instantly and even easily assume or accuse me of trying to patronze /control /interrogate him.

Today, I got fed up of this and told him what he had been doing and how I felt, and that I don't have to put up with it, he told me to say the final goodbye along these lines...
"then we should say our last goodbye?"
"we aren't good for being friends or otherwise"
"move on with your life"
"come on we havn't got all night"
"fine I do it for you"
"goodbye"
"say goodbye"

I'm ignoring the last message now, this is not what I wanted, he just wasn't willing to listen, I'm so scared right now



Sweetleaf
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23 Feb 2018, 2:39 pm

Why exactly do you still want to be in contact with him?

Seems like it might be better to just let this be the end of it. I mean if you guys were having countless arguments I cannot imagine you got along very well...so maybe it would be better to go separate ways. I mean maybe he did still want to try and be friends, but finds it to be too much to handle. Sometimes exes remain friends, but a lot of times it doesn't end up working that way.

I mean he broke up with you, and then was rude after claiming he wanted to try and remain friends...so seems like he's certainly pushing you away.


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kraftiekortie
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23 Feb 2018, 10:13 pm

I know you went head-over-heels for the guy.

But the guy seems like a manipulative schmuck, if you ask me.

The answer to your question: It depends on the Aspie.



datsloth
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24 Feb 2018, 10:14 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Why exactly do you still want to be in contact with him?

Seems like it might be better to just let this be the end of it. I mean if you guys were having countless arguments I cannot imagine you got along very well...so maybe it would be better to go separate ways. I mean maybe he did still want to try and be friends, but finds it to be too much to handle. Sometimes exes remain friends, but a lot of times it doesn't end up working that way.

I mean he broke up with you, and then was rude after claiming he wanted to try and remain friends...so seems like he's certainly pushing you away.


I still love him. I want to help him with his life and take care of him as a friend if I could. He had been dwelling at his house for 7 years all alone, no real friends nor jobs, he needs helps. I always was his best friend and lover, we kept each others' company and supported each other. Even though he recently finally got a chance to autism group treatment, I still want to be by his side, see him getting out of there and be happy for him.



datsloth
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24 Feb 2018, 10:18 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I know you went head-over-heels for the guy.

But the guy seems like a manipulative schmuck, if you ask me.

The answer to your question: It depends on the Aspie.



I'd say it's fair for him for be like this, since I was once kinda manipulated to him too...

I don't know anymore, I feel as thought it was really the last time we talked last night. I'm taking a break from all social medias that he is on in hope I could accept the truth some day.



shortfatbalduglyman
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24 Feb 2018, 10:28 am

It depends on which Aspie and which resentment

There are grudges that I have had, for 22 years and counting

Different autistics hold shorter or longer grudges than me

And not all resentments last the same amount of time



datsloth
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24 Feb 2018, 11:55 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
It depends on which Aspie and which resentment

There are grudges that I have had, for 22 years and counting

Different autistics hold shorter or longer grudges than me

And not all resentments last the same amount of time


May I know did you stop contacting the person/people who related to the grudge since?



shortfatbalduglyman
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25 Feb 2018, 8:57 am

Dat sloth

Some of them stopped contacting me

And I stopped contacting some of them

Either way, the interaction is over

But whatever

They refuse to apologize

But even if they did , that is not sufficient to fix repair the damage that they caused

Every day only. Contains 2000 calories

There is no law against being an ass hole

Furthermore I am 34 years old

"Life" must go on

Sooner or later



Summer_Twilight
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25 Feb 2018, 9:08 am

That relationship sounds toxic because you two are both arguing and it sounds like he is the common denominator being that he seems to get offended easily with things. It also seems like he doesn't know what he wants either.

I would just leave him alone and find other people who don't act like that.



datsloth
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25 Feb 2018, 9:21 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Dat sloth

Some of them stopped contacting me

And I stopped contacting some of them

Either way, the interaction is over

But whatever

They refuse to apologize

But even if they did , that is not sufficient to fix repair the damage that they caused

Every day only. Contains 2000 calories

There is no law against being an ass hole

Furthermore I am 34 years old

"Life" must go on

Sooner or later


That's describing what he's thinking, he doesn't accept my apologies no more.

What he did to me in the past were even worse than what I did to him, I always mistakes. Those mistakes weren't really big deals but assuming out of my paranoia. Was that THAT unforgivable?



Last edited by datsloth on 25 Feb 2018, 9:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

datsloth
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25 Feb 2018, 9:25 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
That relationship sounds toxic because you two are both arguing and it sounds like he is the common denominator being that he seems to get offended easily with things. It also seems like he doesn't know what he wants either.

I would just leave him alone and find other people who don't act like that.



At first I was the one who got triggered easily by things, I guess that made this him today...



nick007
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05 Mar 2018, 8:30 am

I felt resentment over problems within my 1st & 2nd realtionship. I said some mean stuff about them online after we broke up out of frustration & they got mad & kind of disappeared. I think burning those bridges were the best thing for my mental health because it made it easier for me to move on. I don't feel resentment now thou I do feel kind of hurt but I also really feel bad for hurting them. I have NO intention of trying to contract them again thou because it would not be good for my mental health & I don't want to stir up old feelings they had. It's much better for both of us if we keep going on with our separate lives.


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Summer_Twilight
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05 Mar 2018, 9:37 am

It takes me a long time to let go of a falling out with someone and it usually stems from rejection. For instance, I was rejected by someone who I am not compatible with about 4 years ago along with her husband not approving of me. Though I have been taking it one day at a time and I am learning to accept it that she's not in my life, I am still angry with her. Why?
1. I feel she let me down during my last period of unemployment
2. She told me that she "Loved me like a sister" several times
3. She pulled this stunt after inviting me over for Christmas and the dumping me one week later

I also made the mistake of going to sit down with her nearly three years ago and though she had a good reason for dumping me at first, her claws came out which I have been the angriest about. Why? I went to meet her with the hopes that the two of us could work everything out and be friends again. Rather, she made it clear that she wasn't up for that. Though she had some good reasons, she said some things that were nasty and uncalled for. For example, she kept comparing me to people in her life who she had things in common with while comparing me to people who her husband approved of.

"He doesn't like you but he likes your male friend while he likes my close friend who recently moved to Florida. In fact, he was against us meeting tonight." :x Oh that makes me so angry.

I partly kicked myself for even trying because things ended up in tears which soon turned into a lot of anger, bitterness and resentment. However, I have been meeting other people who I have been happier with. :D



shortfatbalduglyman
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05 Mar 2018, 7:30 pm

Until Alzheimer's, amnesia, or something similar, makes me let go of the grudge



Summer_Twilight
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06 Mar 2018, 11:59 am

I have learned to cope through using guided meditations and mindfulness on letting go and learning to living today which have really helped.

When I started feeling bad about myself because I realized that my ex friend's husband didn't accept me, I started listening to the meditations and came back with the mental clarity that "It's not my problem that he doesn't like me or my problem that she didn't want me around anymore. I also started telling myself, "I am not stupid, I'm not worthless," which has helped me feel better.

Do I still feel anger towards her? Yes but it's starting to feel more controlled.

Types of mindfulness include checking the date and my surroundings to help me know that she's not here along with remembering all of the cool things and people who are in my life now.



Sleepycat001
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07 Mar 2018, 1:33 pm

For an argument, couple days, couple months. They may act like nothing happened or not talk to you for a really long time.
You don't have to end a friendship in a mean tone by saying goodbye, you can just say I need to study or work and focus so that feelings don't get hurt.