According to others, I'm not "really autistic"

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A lot of the behaviors I exhibited as a child clearly point to autism, I was professionally diagnosed as a teenager. Yet my first friend (online) whom I have known for over 6 years, says that I just have depression, anxiety, and ocd and I'm too smart and social to be autistic, cause most of the symptoms mimic those of autism. They don't, and I know it. Because I have depression, general anxiety disorder, and aspergers.


I'm biologically female, so I've picked up on a lot of things over the years and noticed I was different. I've had a special interest in anime and role-playing for years, to this day writing a roleplay with someone is the only thing that gives me happy, buzzy feelings and makes me want to bounce around. I was made fun of as a child for stimming at school, and the only stim that helped me afterwards was swinging on a playground swingset. Now that I'm an adult and live in a big city, I don't have that anymore, and I feel restless because I want to rock back and forth on the swing and feel at ease. No other stims help me besides fidgeting and playing with hair and small objects.


I don't think before I speak a lot of the time and continuously ramble, I have a sort of speech impediment where sometimes I will say the wrong words than I mean to or gibberish comes out, I can't control my tone or loudness of voice, I am usually extremely soft spoken but don't know how to stop. I will usually start talking and can't stop. People misunderstand what I say a lot of the time, and i frequently mishear people as well. I feel like everyone else communicates effectively but me.


I don't have sensory issues as severe as some on this board, my main issues are with clothing, hair, and makeup. I am frequently chastised at work for looking unprofessional or unkempt because I won't wear makeup or style my hair or wear tight fitting clothing, but it physically bothers me.

When I was a kid I would only wear skirts or knit pants because the sensation or jeans or tights felt so horrible. Everyone always makes fun of me for wearing oversized clothes but I am very picky about fabrics and fit. I learned how to sew because of this. I also hate wearing makeup, go figure.


I've always been hyperlexic as well, and any social cue I've learned was from books. I am still horrible at detecting sarcasm but I learned how to do a lot of social things from reading. I do struggle almost everyday though cause I have no friends of my own irl, all my friends are online. Sometimes I will hang out with my boyfriend's friends but that's it and I am uncomfortable alone. I have thought about going to college 4 hours away but can't leave my boyfriend because he is my only friend. No one understands this, that I can't live in a dorm or make friends at college cause I already f*****g tried and dropped out after one semester.


I try to make small talk at work but can't keep up and everyone else is always so friendly and chatty wigh each other. I have no motor skills or depth perception so I am constantly bumping into things or people and knocking things over. I have a weird gait and posture and move in an awkward fashion. It's hard for me to do things alone because my anxiety is so bad. I never go to parties, and when I go to events like ankme conventions I always need a break when others don't.

But I guess I'm not autistic enough

You’re autistic enough for me.

I went through the same thing with a good friend of mine. I really needed him to support what I found but he kept saying I was not autistic because I could talk with him. People expect you to be very low functioning. If you have anything mild like Asperger's people think you are doing it all on purpose or you are lazy. People don't understand anything but what they see in films. Or maybe an extreme case that makes the news or something like that where the parents have to care for an duly around the clock.

People have this view that autistic people have to go off in a corner to rock and spin things.

Supposedly, they make weird noises, too.

If anyone says they think you're not autistic, ask them if they are a licensed psychiatrist or psychologist with special expertise in autism. Of course, they won't be. So that's the end of that conversation. And if the person persists, just say "I'm not going to discuss this with you further."

You were diagnosed autistic, and your comments seem to support that diagnosis. Your friend has no clue. .
Swing sets do not have age restrictions. If you like them, use them. If you want your own, put one in your yard or room.

^^ They do have weight limits, though. Be cautious if they seem to be built for smaller children. An adolescent or grown adult can be too much strain on the loadbearing parts... which is just about the whole contraption.

I was just thinking about this today. I can remember so many times my mom saying Im normal, or my aunt saying I shouldnt bother labeling myself as autistic. One time my ex boyfriend said "did you know being autistic means crying in the corner" As if there was no point in labeling myself as autisic.

I think its stupid now but I used to agree with people when they told me Im basically normal and to STAY that way. There have been times when I really needed to know that I was autistic but Ive always thought my limitations were me not trying hard enough to be normal. I would get very down on myself for having sensory issues, memory problems, digestion problems, communication difficulty etc. Now I see how ridiculouse it is to pretend not to be autistic. If you are having symptoms of autism you are probably autistic and shouldnt listen when others say you are perfectly normal.

^ Refusing to accept your diagnosis protects them from having to actually think about it, or deal with it. The older I get the more I become convinced that the greatest sin of humanity is that particular form of laziness - the one that refuses to admit others can have problems because then one might have to lift a finger in response.

It's bizarre... some people actually express jealousy when I say "I'm autistic!" because it's a fashionable label and implies that I'm clever and have super-powers. My brother once told me "You just want to be autistic because you want to be special." Autism, for me, means crippling anxiety, perpetual confusion and no friends. Why would I choose to fake that? Does it even matter? I am me. I'm not my diagnosis.

My two (autistic) children totally mystified me, because they didn't behave the way the child development books said they should be behaving. I didn't accept their autism, because I didn't KNOW about their autism. Neither did the therapists we took them to. Asperger's as a diagnosis was just coming into use in the 1990s, and my kids were both hyper-verbal at an early age and had SOME social skills, so they didn't fit the "classical autism" diagnosis. My daughter eventually forgave me for my shortcomings in parenting an autistic child. My son never has, assuming first that he is not THAT autistic and second that I knew what I should be doing.

We'll see how things work out with his own offspring.

I've had people tell me that a few times, actually (that I'm not autistic). I remember coming out to a few neurotypical friends as autistic, and they expressed disbelief at that. Guess it just simply stemmed from their preconceived opinion on what autism means as a whole.
A lot of people I know tend to throw around the word "special" at others, to make fun of people with autism or some other disorder. I remember being particularly defensive when somebody used it at me, but the fact that they realised I was autistic only made me an easier target.
The bully wanted to fight me, I beat the s hit out of him, and he had nothing else to say.
I don't like fighting (in real life), but he backed me up on a corner.