How to detangle huge knots from hair

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I cut my hair short most of my life but the past couple years I let it grow. I got a hair elastic caught in my hair. It's tangled up in a big knot in the back of my head and I cant get it out. I'm not used to having long hair. I have BPD and agoraphobia and sometimes days go by without me noticing that I haven't been taking care of myself. I really love my hair. i'm proud i grew it out and I'm scared to lose it. I tried dumping a boatload of conditioner on my head to try to loosen up the hair tie to get it out and it didn't work. Does anyone have any tips? I'm sorry if this is super gross.

Is your hair straight, wavy or curly?
It could be tricky with curly hair, maybe just cut the elastic?
I detangle my children's hair even if soaked with honey or something like this but I can't lend you my fingers' practice to do it

A hair stylist at a beauty shop will be able to untangle it for you.

To prevent it from happening again, don't use hair bands with exposed rubber. Use ones with fabric that slide off easily.

Brush your hair a few times per day. After you wake up, before you go to bed, and in between as needed. I recommend two different hair brushed. One with wide gaps between the bristles to comb out tangles, and then a conventional one to distribute the oil from your scalp down the hair shaft.

If its really stuck in there I'd say just cut it out...depending on how much hair it is stuck in you might be able to cut off just enough to get it loose without it being very noticeable. Of course it might be a little bit visible but you could try and style your hair so it is not as noticeable. If it is stuck in a lot of hair and the conditioner isn't working unfortunately I would suggest cutting it short again and regrowing it...but I know that can be hard if you've already been working to grow it out. But yeah I got dreads and I did like it but then I got some rather sever dandruff...I looked into some ways to try and cure the dandruff while keeping the dreads but in the end I just had my hair cut short as I figured it would be easier to get rid of it that way. And now I am not sure what I want to do with it.

Not at all gross.

I wish I was there! I am the master of untangling knots. The key is to start at the bottom, and find the smallest loop you can. So start with the end of your hair.

You'll be able to get it out. Don't fret. And I hear you about irregular scheduling and hygiene.