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Summer_Twilight
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13 May 2018, 3:26 pm

Last night, I had a pretty serious discussion with a good friend about a former "Friend" and I learned that the signs aren't always obvious but more hidden.
Two of the themes he brought up:

1. You are supportive of them but they aren't supportive of you
2. They can use you because they need you help them cope with things but when it's your turn they could care less.


I also learned that one-sided friendship come with clinginess as well where they want you to spend all your time just making them happy.



HistoryGal
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13 May 2018, 3:51 pm

RUN from people like that!



Kiprobalhato
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13 May 2018, 4:03 pm

all of my friendships are and were that way


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HistoryGal
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13 May 2018, 4:50 pm

Kipro, you deserve better. Treat yourself with respect.



ladyelaine
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14 May 2018, 10:49 am

When I sense that a friendship is going to be like that, I end it. I don't like dealing with people who expect everything to be about them all the time. I'm tired of people bailing on me in my time of need.



Kinme
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14 May 2018, 8:14 pm

My favorite people to attract (sarcasm) are covert narcissists. I get on with people who are borderline as well. Borderline people tend to reciprocate from time to time, but they bring a lot of drama and it can be a lot to handle.

Keep your boundaries high, but not too high. Talk about your wants and needs. If they aren't interested, you have your answer: they will not listen, they will not reciprocate, and they will tend to dodge what you say/invalidate it (maybe one-up you or say how much worse their life is, etc.)



Summer_Twilight
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15 May 2018, 5:57 am

Kinme wrote:
My favorite people to attract (sarcasm) are covert narcissists. I get on with people who are borderline as well. Borderline people tend to reciprocate from time to time, but they bring a lot of drama and it can be a lot to handle.

Keep your boundaries high, but not too high. Talk about your wants and needs. If they aren't interested, you have your answer: they will not listen, they will not reciprocate, and they will tend to dodge what you say/invalidate it (maybe one-up you or say how much worse their life is, etc.)


One thing I learned is that when you run into someone who is one-sided and you need someone to talk to because someone else is just not nice they can be callous and say things "Well maybe they said they don't like you" or "Well maybe they were they were tired of hearing about your drama," which I can't stand those kinds of responses because that is just snide and arrogant. :x

The try one up is when you are always in competition with them such as getting a significant other first or getting to do an activity that you wanted to do and finding ways to make you envious.



Kinme
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11 Jul 2018, 6:19 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Kinme wrote:
My favorite people to attract (sarcasm) are covert narcissists. I get on with people who are borderline as well. Borderline people tend to reciprocate from time to time, but they bring a lot of drama and it can be a lot to handle.

Keep your boundaries high, but not too high. Talk about your wants and needs. If they aren't interested, you have your answer: they will not listen, they will not reciprocate, and they will tend to dodge what you say/invalidate it (maybe one-up you or say how much worse their life is, etc.)


One thing I learned is that when you run into someone who is one-sided and you need someone to talk to because someone else is just not nice they can be callous and say things "Well maybe they said they don't like you" or "Well maybe they were they were tired of hearing about your drama," which I can't stand those kinds of responses because that is just snide and arrogant. :x

The try one up is when you are always in competition with them such as getting a significant other first or getting to do an activity that you wanted to do and finding ways to make you envious.


Just saw your response now. Absolutely!! !! ! That's the worst.



HistoryGal
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11 Jul 2018, 8:11 am

It goes back to the social hierarchy. We are not a priority.



TwilightPrincess
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11 Jul 2018, 8:17 am

I haven’t really experienced this. Onesided friendship usually involves you wanting to hangout with someone and the other person is always “too busy” or just doesn’t answer his or her phone.


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Nira
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11 Jul 2018, 12:56 pm

I have experienced repeatedly.

I had one friend - my neighbor, when I was five years old. Then we started going to school. She found another friends and she ignored me at school. I was good when she did not have anyone better.

For a short time I had in the third class a friend - boy. It could take a month. I visited him about four times. He invited me to date, I didn't understand what is date, but I was happy I have friend. One day he came, I greeted him, he did not answer me and he started ignore me. I don't know why. I assumed that people who bullied me told him not to talk to me.

At middle school was one girl, which behaved to me better than others. Once we had a task to say something nice about some classmate. She wanted me to say she likes to help people. And said about me that I often write homeworks at school. It was true, but nobody said anything nice about me and it with homeworks caused me next problems at school.

At high school I had one friend. I helped her with learning. We played together games, like five-quarters. Once I wanted to tell her something important and she was not interested.

She had in our class other friends. I also considered them to be friends, but they never started to talk with me first, they never joined to me when I was sitting alone.

After completing high school she went abroad. After a year she should return, but she did not return. We've been writing e-mails for some time. She wrote me about her problems (she had friends, boyfriend, she lived by the sea. I didn't understand her problems) And I couldn't describe her my problems and after some time I was unable to answer.
She was my friend but I don't know if the only reason was not it was for her useful and advantageous.

At work I had colleagues, I tried talk with them, go with them for lunch, to sit down to them when they were alone. But it was one-sided.

In the best case, I will try to test it somehow. In the worst case, the man somehow disappoints me when I do not expect it.

That I got to know my husband I consider a miracle.


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HistoryGal
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11 Jul 2018, 1:30 pm

These people sound like cockroaches....only taking and vile.



Tequila
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11 Jul 2018, 1:32 pm

When people only want to know on their terms.



ladyelaine
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11 Jul 2018, 4:11 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
These people sound like cockroaches....only taking and vile.


Mooches and leeches.......



LoneLoyalWolf
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11 Jul 2018, 4:21 pm

People like that :eew:

:shameonyou:


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Nira
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11 Jul 2018, 4:37 pm

Probably I do something wrong, but I can not figure out what.


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