Why being Autistic male is a burden?!

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OK, well, I'm done. You have a right to come to WrongPlanet and complain all you want. That's one valid function for the site. I'm going to try to disengage since I see there is no changing your mind.

I won't accept that because it's not true, not for all aspies. Being unable to change one self is not an aspie trait. I'll never be able to change into an NT, true, but that doesn't mean I can't change at all. I have changed, I am changing and I will change. If you say you're unable to change then maybe you are, I can't say either yes or no to that since I don't know you, but it's not automatically because you're an aspie.

It's not an Aspie trait. It's a failing on the individual.

*Takes deep breath, calms himself* Okay, Matt. Let's try things from a different perspective.
One that doesn't favour the opposing views, or your own. A neutral one, with with some opportunities to be validated (as, this is what this place is about, regardless of right and wrong).

How about you share what makes you "you". This amazing person, who is above those you do not wish to lower yourself to. Equally, what do you feel people must be like to be on your wave length? The answers to these early questions would win you half the battle, and without the need to tackle anything in the process. Relatively painless stuff to answer in other words, that will be benefitial to all including you, and equally of no consequence or upset to those who don't fit the criteria.


This begs the question. If you feel burdened by that you cannot change, yet you do not want to change, what is it that you feel is the problem? If it is others, then this thread is not about you but other people and their incompatibility with ASD whether it be high functioning...or severe. Feel free to correct me on this one. And if I happen to be onto something, we again have a new path to tread and ease the burdens you speak of.

I am again perplexed. You previously claimed these degenerate extroverts raise their standards (albeit to carry out things you disapprove of), but are at high risk of mental health problems from lowering their standards. So if they are raising their standards, would comparing them to you be somewhat irrelevant to what you discussed in your therapy? And, more importantly, not relevant to how you individually can become a better person or be the best version of your current self? Think of your misconception of others as an opportunity to look inwards, and grow outwards.


I appreciate grouping yourself with other people might allow you to feel safer with your comments, but mental health is very well supported in the developed regions we reside in. There's no need to cushion the blow here by speaking for others. If you're without doubt and witnessed as receiving prejudice as an individual, that's no good and I'm sorry to hear that. Remember that this isn't a burden you have to carry. It is a burden for the aggressors to carry. This is one of the few times where I feel blaming others isn't unreasonable.


Leaders have changed how a nation's people have thought about almost anything.
Preachers do the same thing. The people they preach to or rule....they change. This is a mixture of their own free will and high influence. Let me ask you, Ecomatt91....do you believe you have free will? Do you believe you are the only person with free will to think? I have the utmost confidence that this isn't the case. But should the eternally small fraction of percentile that you do believe this be the case...then as you have projected, you believe you have the power to change others, or that others can change others even if they cannot change themselves. It is therefore not unreasonable to believe, that in some way...you can change or be changed better yet, if there are people having a negative influence in your life there is a chance to realise this now and meet those who can have a positive one.


Loving and accepting who you are is to know and understand and accept who you were, who you are now, what you will or want to be and moving forward regardless of whatever adversity or animosity may ensue. That is the individual's prerogative. It is not that of anyone else's. Someone in tune with their self would not be making threads here to vent. That much is certain. So going back to my other point, the person who is not in tune has the opportunity to change, through various means, and it will not impact the loving and caring aspect.


I must sincerely apologise but I'm going to interject with facts rather than an opinion. I believe it is necessary we all have a mutual understanding of what "Prejudice" actually is according to our dictionaries:


Hmm, pre conceived opinion not based on reason or actual experience! How interesting. How interesting indeed.
Okay, with that in mind. Do we see a pattern? Would it be equally as putrid and minuscule a thought process to pre determine that people with tattoos, or those who speak more confidently than us, dress differently etc. are somehow vile creatures? Say as it would be, for them to think of us mere Aspies as demented hobbits that sound like Simple Jack from Tropic Thunder just because we're Aspies? The best way to fight their prejudice, is to remove any of your own. Try and deal with those you don't want to deal with. Worked wonders for MLK.


Indeed, whether it is against Aspies, or against people who like to go clubbing, or people of various intellects and standards, or people who are extroverted.


Are you familiar with the origin story for "Sour Grapes"? The fox could not reach the grapes, so he therefore determined he didn't want them anyway. Don't be that guy. Someone out there wants you, perhaps dozens (7 billions a lot of people). Just think back to our little talk about prejudice, Ecomatt91. If we remove a lot of it, sometimes you'll find a little good in those you previously might not have liked. I fell for girls I previously used to hate before. Time and an open mind can be funny things.


What about other lenses? How do you stack up? What defines maturity, exactly? And if it makes us lonely, what is the use of it? They are merely happy in their own skin as immature people. Be the same, and you won't have to be the grown up in all of this.


But they're immature, so it doesn't matter...am I right?
Let them have their immature relationships, their immature life goals, their immature jobs and houses and all the things we strive for, yet ironically consider to be below us because somehow they are below us. It really doesn't matter. We have more important things to pursue.


If you made it this far into this fish-gutting dissection then I must say it would be a testament that proves otherwise.
Ultimately, it does come down to the majority rule, though. If a majority of people think we're immature...we probably are.


My mum says I'm smartest person alive.
I honestly believe her. Let's just say we can pretend to be what we like against all odds..again though, it comes down to the majority of opinions from various impartial sources.


To be fair, the thread is riddled in irony. Certain parts in particular. It might be best not to focus on the irony for dignity's sake, and to focus on moving forward.


This will take too long for me to discuss in detail. Think back to prejudice, irony, psychological maturity determined by various sources impartial to the individual, and take it from there.


This thread is full of opinions. It is possible to understand how someone feels, but there are no facts here to take in.


It's great there are mature people in your life. I hope it rubs off on you.


It goes without saying, mature people tend to be older. No coincidence, as experience comes into play.


I urge you to branch out a bit. There are numerous causes championed by today's youth and current generation of younger adults. I work in community projects to such an effect. At 33 I'm considered ancient! Just have a look on Google. Look on Youtube. Or any pocket of social media. There are countless folks fighting the good fight for whatever cause they see fit to rally behind. If you indeed have a passion about a noble cause, you could be one of them.



*AND BREATHE*

I really wish you the best of luck, Ecomatt91.
I could have been extremely harsh but from one psychologically mature person to another, I think it's important we communicate on the same level and to the same standard.

-LB

Thank you but I am wary of some posters here not following The Haven forum rules. I felt a little offended.

TheSpectrum, your insights are there and that but it does not make me become a different person. I have changed myself naturally a lot over past 5 years because I learned to be logical, honest and caring person. I have connected with very like minded and open minded friends and family friends. They never ever criticise who I am. I apologise that I say to you that your post appears a little harsh from my perspective.

I have done many therapy. I was diagnosed with HFA at age of 12 and now I am 27 years old. I have been attending sessions, from personal to professional development. It makes who I am by understanding and knowing myself. it has helped me to understand prejudice and intentions of other people. In past year I learned a lot about personalities. It helps me to avoid toxic friends and networks which I have been cleaning up my contacts.

I am being 'me'. I am an advocate, adventurer, environmentalist and sustainability champion. My career and professional development network is amazing, and business reflects my good attitudes and sense of pride being a proud Aspie with hearing loss. I rarely come across a negative perspective in that world. Only negatives are strangers, acquaintances and social networks because they kept focused on social privileges not making time to understand why I am being different.

I learned about discrimination, privileges and prejudice in professional development workshops. Don't say to me I don't know what it means. If it true that I am not, so how come I am accepted as a keynote speaker where I get invited to speak at conferences, public forums and networking events? People in those networks listened to me. Rarely young people come across to me and does a same thing. The problem we looking at the root causes of impact of my image. It very similar to other Aspies in same age cohort of 20's due to young NTs who have social incoherent attitudes.

You need to be very careful judging someone from this cover. My mental well-being have been improving VERY WELL in past year it because I decided to be myself. Hence it reflects to professional experiences by going on business trips internationally, being invited to conferences, running a social enterprise business organisation. Getting a right message and stories out there is VERY important. The conference I attended this week has taught me about communication.

Your advices seems very reflective of biased NTs advices. I am sorry this but you are on right track. Responding my intentions differently can be done better next time. Yes, I do have strong free will because I am confident, motivator and energetic person in my communities and networks. I have done so much more than many people. This is not my opinion, it from many people told me from their perspectives. I am glad to hear this a positive and optimistic attitude. This helped me to build and grow as a person of who I am, not trying to be like someone else.

Venting on this thread it got nothing to do with who I am, it about how society perceives who I am placing a lot of pressure on who I am. Lets take this an educational awareness approach rather than just focusing on the problem. Mentally, think of root causes, then explain how to alleviate those root causes. Majority of them aren't my root causes. It about how society and media portray and brainwash young people minds by doing lot of negative and false dichotomy things.

I looked up about Sour Grapes, and looking at the guy that you mentioned. No way I am heading in that direction and I have no intentions of doing that! I am so stunned by your presumptions about me to be like that guy, even from movies. I never faced criticisms nor assumptions from all of my participation with NT world through networking, attending three times weekly fitness bootcamp, meeting with government and business networks, going to local markets, hanging out with close friends and that. I can't see myself becoming Mad Max.

From my psychologist sessions, maturity is about how you manage yourself and show to others. It about control both emotionally and mentally. How you deal with things. I have been immature in this area from a teenager to adult in early to mid 20's. Now I am more becoming a mature. In reflection, lot of people kept saying to me they thought I am older than 27 because it not how I look. It how I act. Many of people I used to be friends with haven't changed their attitudes nor approaches. I developed stronger because I rarely putting pressure on myself. So about having a relationship, this is a double standard of you all saying I should not get a girlfriend when I am mentally disabled or immature. I wanted to say this it not right to tell me what to do no matter if I have personal problems or not. That got nothing to do with a partner. Again, that is prejudice.

I am optimistic person, I was a pessimistic person. I get along with myself and others who are dedicated and committed with their lives. I am in social entrepreneurship networks of many young people. They are smart, bright minded, straightforward and non-pressuring people. Many people kept telling me I am too smart for them. I never say I am too smart for them. I am assertive person. I don't compete with others. I am more of collaborative person.

I feel so amazed by young people I met thus far doing lot of system changing enterprises like saving food from dumps to alleviating poverty in developed countries. It makes me feel easy and not making me feel alone. Unfortunately networking with them doesn't mean I instantly being friends with them. Majority of them are actually live around the Australia, not all in one place.

I really appreciate you taken yourself in mature perspective. I do like the way how help each others, but remember that we are both strangers and I am the one created this topic from my life. Please respect my grammar is not always clear when I write. It can be stressful for me when I try to clarify. I don't have issues when facing people in reality when talking about these stuff but being online is really difficult.

There should be the right to protect Autistic people and must not have discrimination.

I'm afraid hearing what you don't want to, when you are not mature enough or emotionally prepared to handle criticism, can lead to being offended. There's not a lot I can do about this but apologise that you aren't ready for what I had to say.


Don't you get it? You were just telling people they HAD to accept THEY couldn't change, and you were on about how you couldn't change. Now you're telling me you can, and you have. You need to STOP defending yourself at any cost. You have completely contradicted everything you said about change from the outset. But look, let's take a positive from this, OK? We've surmised that you can and have changed, which means that you can iron out the kinks in your very thick armor. This is great. OK, moving on.


Only, you still don't understand the meaning of prejudice. You are prejudiced towards a lot of other people. You are making huge assumptions of people based no how they look, sound and outwardly behave. You haven't taken into account any trauma or past experience they might have, the good deeds they have done. No, you are judging them for shallow reasons yet you claim because you did all these things, that doesn't matter and you are right. Again, let's try and turn this negative into a positive. You have proven the ability to change is within you, so let's drop prejudice, and hopefully good will come of it.


You cannot expect people to appreciate your differences if you do not appreciate there. Prejudice is a two way street. Again, let's learn to drop our safeguards. Relearn what people mean. As an advocate of people, I advise you to do this. No one will support a person, no matter how great their achievements, if they are not supported back.


But I already said it to you. It's too late. And for the record, I've attended various work shops for things in life. It means nothing. My bosses in one of my jobs attended leadership courses. Does that make them better leaders even if morale falls, or profits don't reach expectations? Bullies can also attend prejudice courses. Doesn't stop them being prejudiced, does it? I'm just pointing out the flaws in this argument. I know this is The Haven, but I'm trying to bring out the emotional strength and psychological maturity you claim to have, as there is little consequence in doing so. If you are as mature as you say, this will not be an offensive statement, as it is based on logic and reason. In short, you are being prejudiced. How you deal with is up to you. I say realising this is a positive opportunity, feel free to say otherwise.

Even everyone's favourite celebrities can be douchebags. Doing great things does not equate to being a grate person.[/quote]

The impact of your image can be found within. You are to blame, but the positive is you are in control. You said so yourself that you have a free will. You are in control. Change your attitude, like you changed all those other things you did about yourself and you will reign supreme in your own mind. Not out of egotistic fragility but through undeniable conviction.



I'm afraid this is you. I wasn't going to say it before, but now I am. All that you do and have done does not alter how you behave towards us, other people and how you think. That is all you, but again let's be positive. You can change this. You said so yourself (whether you meant it genuinely, or just as a way to defend yourself from my previous comments).


Okay..


There's more to communication than words, or being right. There is still much to learn. Again, a positive...you have the opportunity to broaden your horizons.


Saying something does not make it true. I'm sure you will apply the that to what I've said. But it will unfortunately fall very flat.


This is why. You have admitted I am on the right track.


No, I think we should focus on the problem. I know that may be difficult, but it prevents the denial phase that is being traversed in the below part.


At least you are willing to admit you are the root cause to some of your own problems. You're getting there.


The media has always been this way. And we live in a time where mental health is more supported than it has ever been. We're not quite there yet but we've come a long way. Let's not cheap shot out of this one.


You're really surprised? It is almost parallel to what you said. I don't get how it would come as a shock to anyone who has read the Fable.


Really don't know where you're going with this but okay.

There is just too much to say really. I hope I brought up what mattered and you handle it with a brave face. I know it's not easy. But all the best. I must go to work now.

I'm sorry you feel this way. Maybe you've surronded yourself with the wrong people. I've been left behind by people my whole life and it's partially been my fault many times as things are often on my terms, I don't have the energy to stay in touch all the time etc and my friends on the spectrum can understand that without questioning but NTs usually can't although i've met those who try. But at other times people have just made excuses not to talk anymore until I leave them alone for good which has made me depressed for a time.

Now I have people in my life who accept me even if they do not entirely understand me some of them. I have autistic male friends too and I think they're amazing people and much nicer, smarter and understanding than any other men i've met or talked to. I do still have to face rude people who don't understand in life though and I think that will always be a problem, autistic or not everyone has to face as*holes out in the world but there are good people willing to accept you as you are. None of my autistic friends - male or female - has had any bigger issue finding people who accept them even if it's only a few like 1 or 2 people. But if you try to be friends with people who are your complete opposite and NT as well then of course there is a risk that the friendship won't last especially if you are bad at compromising... Just saying as I know many people on the spectrum are.

Don't listen to Spectrum, it's good that you're not interested in disfunctional relationships anymore. However I feel that you should work on your modesty quite a bit.

I'm sorry you have been through such hard times and being criticized for it. I've noticed that people often don't want to accept certain hard truths in life, like disabilities and like to pretend everyone has control over their circumstances. Like if you don't have friends, it's your own fault! No, you were just born with social difficulties and that will not change. I think the best thing to do is lowering your expectations of people. If somebody wants to be friends with you, let them try it, don't force it. People deserve better than chasing after others that don't want them. That includes people with aspergers too. You're an important person regardless if you have friends or not.