Mostly Just a Vent

Post Reply New Topic

Ok, maybe a bit more than mostly. I just don't know anymore, about anything. All of my life I have been told that if you just persevere, try harder things will get better. When does this finally happen? I am guessing, like most things we are told about life as a child this is just another lie.

I am 27, never been in a relationship, have nothing resembling a social life and no idea how to stop feeling so alone in life. Every social avenue I have ever explored has been a dead end, leading to mostly more misery. The only time I have social interactions is when I push for them, always reaching out, never anyone reaching back. I am unafraid to admit that I don't want to be alone, but am also openly capable of admitting I almost dread social situations. I avoid socializing with new people through a fear of rejection, protecting myself from a pain I have known before, yet every friend I have ever had constantly grows further away, no matter how hard I try. Is there something so truly terrible about myself that all people have to flee at the mere mention of me.

After years of nothing but study and unemployment I finally found work, and I still don't feel fulfilled. Everyone says that we should work to live, not live to work, but I don't seem to be able to find anything worthwhile. The few things in life I have ever developed a passion for have been repeatedly tainted by association with things I hate. Study and learning, two things I loved doing are ruined for me by the group work that dominates modern higher educations, a dynamic that I never felt like a part of, always cast to the side to either do everything or nothing. Working gets me money, sure, but it also eats up 90% of my time, and I don't feel I am achieving any thing for myself.

I look at the world around me and wonder where things went wrong, both for me personally and for the world as a whole. Why people seem happy to bask in self mandated ignorance while things crumble around us. Why the world sees problems coming into being and doesn't just refuse to do anything about them, but refuses to even acknowledge the problem, like ignoring it will just make it go away. These problems are so large and varied it almost covers every problem of the modern world, from climate change, to the ever growing divide between those that have and those that don't, growing rates of unemployed and underemployed among younger generations, growing overpopulation issues, the list could go on forever.

When does it all stop? When does every day stop being another losing battle in an unending war, of which I started fighting so long ago that I have forgotten what I am even fighting for? Or is this all life is, a pointless fight to exist for no reason but to exist? To grasp desperately for meaning in a meaningless life? To come to the realization that in the end I am just insufficient for the world around me.

Ok, Vent (more like rant) done. Thanks for too much of your time to read that. Just felt the need to say this somewhere, and I don't really have anywhere.

Ive been feeling the same way lately. Im frustraited. I thought going on disability so I didnt have to work anymore would make me happy. Im not happy, just more content then if I had to work. Im isolated most of the time. Making friends is not as easy as it was when I was in school. I dont have any answrs for you. I wish that things got better too. I keep searching for a way to make life more fun but so far I havent found anything. At least know that others are in the same boat.

Have you ever tried activism? You may not be able to save the whole world but you ca start by saving a piece of it. Lots of enviromentl causes you could join.