What Does a Meltdown Feel Like?

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Does each person with autism experience a meltdown differently? Is it unavoidable with certain triggers? Is it the same as a sensory overload? What does a meltdown feel like?

I feel regret afterwards, and embarrassed.

I don’t think ALL people with ASD experience meltdowns, but a lot do. Sensory overload isn’t the same as a meltdown, but meltdowns can be caused by overload.

Meltdowns feel different for everyone, but for me, it happens when my brain can’t process any more information, and a little voice in my head tells me to “do this bad thing.” There are usually multiple bad things, often including crying, screaming, violence, and saying nasty things.

There is NOTHING, NOT A THING I can do to stop it happening. Afterwards I feel very ashamed and evil.

For me:
Almost always occurs when someone is talking and both speed (alternating rate of sibilants & plosives is I think the significant bit) & volume increase.
Feel too hot, pressure in temples & nape of neck with red hot line throbbing along the top of my skull from front to back.
Have this sense like I’m fading away (if that makes sense), heart rate increases, nothing makes sense. Intense urge to flee the situation.
At that point I either break something or break down in tears, usually the latter... but I have damaged furniture in the past: crying rather than lashing out has become dominant as I’ve got older.
Crying can vary from about ten minutes to well over an hour, and the recovery time varies in accordance with that, up to a couple of days.
Lashing out is very quick, but it takes longer until I stop feeling empty, trembly, and blank afterwards.
Oh, also a touch dizzy & my thoughts are quite slow by then
Everything seems more complicated & difficult during recovery as well: today I had a second, short fit of crying over setting the gas ring right to sauté onions.
Had to sit in a chair by the worktop and slowly give instructions whilst Mrs K made dinner, which was utterly exhausting.
(For both of us I think, I really should write my alterations to the recipe books down)

Don’t know how that’ll compare with anyone else.

You know the way a sneeze builds up, and you think you might be able to avoid it but you can't?

It's like that.

Growing frustration, helplessness, anger, rage, impatience, sensory overload, tunnel vision (emotionally and physically), fight or flight mode, inability to process one more iota of anything ... all seemingly disproportionate to the trigger or situation.

I lose connection to what's really happening around me and get engulfed by a wave of mutism, panic, anxiety and stress. I want to throw things, push people away, and be alone. I usually feel hot and self-conscious, like I can feel all my body systems going on overdrive. I get dizzy and disoriented often with a sense of vertigo. I'm pretty sure I can't smell or hear or taste because all my focus and energy are on the crisis. It peaks like a labour contraction but usually for an hour or so. Sometimes I'm aware of thinking "this is rational -- I'm justified to feel this way" but in hindsight no, it wasn't OK. I can become very surly, rude, sarcastic and cold until I get myself through recovery mode.

The return to normal can sometimes be quick (like a crescendo ending), or it can take hours and days of introspection and self-soothing.

I can only speak for myself.

It's a uncontrollable reaction after experiencing a situation of total loss of control and the resultant feeling of helplessness with no ability to escape and no ability in the moment to think your way out since critical thought is completely blocked.

What does it feel like?

If the meltdown is the end result of a gradual buildup of something that is increasingly stressful, then it feels like being forced to build a house of cards card by card with the placing of each card more difficult and more stressful than the last. It's imperative that the house of cards be built and it's critical that it remains standing (the house of cards is the stressful situation you're required to deal with and navigate through successfully. Each card is your attempt to "hold it together" and work through the situation but in this case each attempt fails and your stress, anxiety and frustration levels continue to increase with every "card". Over and over each card you place becomes more difficult and more stressful. Finally, the entire house of cards falls, you "lose it" and you have a meltdown reaction. You can't think critically or clearly when it's happening and emotional control and decorum goes out the window. Like Korts, I feel regret and embarrassment as well.

If the meltdown is a reaction to a sudden and unexpected occurrence, it's a byproduct of explosive stress and a near instant inability to think critically, like a switch is being shut off.

That's a great metaphor ^ !

I forgot to mention looping thoughts. I cycle through the same emotion or thought over and over again hundreds of times with a feeling of disbelief. The word injustice comes to mind. It's like "no, this can't be happening, this (situation) isn't fair, I don't deserve this, I can't tolerate this, I can't do this", etc. Helplessness is one of my PTSD triggers so I think I get a double whammy of anguish and emotional flashback when I'm melting down.

Meltdowns in my personal experience:-

Cause: Usually by feeling helpless, or emotion overload

Behaviours during meltdown: A lot of crying, swearing, temporary breathing difficulties, the need to express by talking to someone close or posting on WP

Treatment: Reassurance (even if slightly sugarcoated) and physical comfort (someone to tell me it's all going to be OK)

After effects: Apologetic, embarrassed

I have found out just recently that I do have meltdowns. I didn't know they were. It is a bit like unpredictable out of character moods which usually go straight into shutdowns. It is hard to explain and I am still needing to think about them to understand them more. I agree about the ebarissment of having them. I am not violent though I tend to over-react in other ways. Overdramatic is the best word to use. But also I have had larger meltdowns which are a bit more horrible to have. Though I hate having shutdowns, they do seem to form a pressure release for meltdowns. I need to think on this, but probably about half or more of the shutdowns do not start with meltdowns but are more direct between the trigger point and the event, but for the meltdowns, they are a esculating build up which switches into a shutdown.
Now occasionally, which I would say is once every year or every other year... I get a situation of a large build up of meltdown pressure which seems to happen in the evenings as it builds up during the day, and it is like an internal meltdown pressure in my brain which has a compressed and claustrophobic feeling of imense pressure... And this builds and builds and feels like my brain is swelling larger then my skull can contain it... And I have no way to deal with it...
And just when I think my head will explode as it really feels like that, and thoughts are racing through my head... Past bad experiences etc. Unresolved issues... All sorts of negative thoughts..... Just when I reach the point where I think in a screaming type if internal way that I can't take any more... Nothing... It just stops. Is like I get a sudden release of calm and peace. And I feel quite tired and I just curl up in bed and go to sleep!

It feels explosive, a reaction to being pushed beyond my capacity to relate. Most of the feelings happen during the preceding shutdown, ie, overwhelm, tiredness, frustration. The meltdown happens if the other party persists once I'm unable to respond, reeling, exauhsted. It happens in a flash and there's some shaking afterwards.

It feels like being pushed over the edge.

I feel helpless or sad and I scream and feel very exausted afterward. Oddly, I don't feel embarasd afterward, I just want to sleep.
As teenager I would be laying on the floor kicking and screaming or crying.
People have acted kindly toward me though, like bringing me a cup of tea.
Not my family of origen though, they just ignored me.
I haven't had a meltdown in several years. Maybe I have outgrown them.

I have a friend (ex student) who would break glass doors or kick things, break things and injure himself during a meltdown as a child. He once showed up for the lesson bleeding.We discussed this a couple of months ago when he came on a social visit, he was embarassed to discuss it also and says he has grown out of them. When he was 15 he cut himself so badly he required many stitches on his arms and legs because he couldn't open the lobby door to his building and just smashed through it. Seeing his lacerated limbs made me burst into tears when I arrived at his home to teach.

^ yeah, for me when lashing out occurs conscious thought is entirely post-event and focussed on the shame-remorse-humiliation cycle.

Actually reposting to add a couple of additions about recovery that have been brought to my attention since last post: First is that during recovery my childhood fear of the dark returns in full force, the second is that I tend to sleep for longer than I do normally by about two hours or so.