Seeking clarification on the Haven's rules

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Fnord
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28 Sep 2020, 12:45 pm

Feyokien wrote:

Welcome to The Haven

This area is protected more than any other forum on this site. When someone posts here, they are in distress and seeking help and support from other members.

Do NOT post anything that could cause further distress.

Committing a personal attack in The Haven will result in immediate disciplinary action. Furthermore, do not:

• Debate with the original poster about their beliefs. Trying to persuade an atheist to pray to God is not appropriate. Similarly, attacking a believer's religious views is not appropriate either.

• Campaign for a political belief/party/candidate. If the original poster is distressed about politics, responders should remain apolitical as possible while providing support to the OP.

• Go off topic. This could be interpreted as insensitive, but some original posters may enjoy off topic posts. Non-target posts that do not contribute valuable support may be removed at the discretion of a moderator.

• Provide unsolicited advice. Unless advice is specifically requested, respond with supportive comments rather than solutions. Unwanted advice can make some people feel unheard and patronized. If you feel you have truly helpful advice, ask the OP first if they would like advice.

• Threadjack. Haven threads belong to the member that started them. Do not post your own story without engaging the OP.

If you think someone is violating these rules or the spirit of these rules in any way, send a Moderator a private message about your concerns. Do NOT post about it publicly!

Rules updated September 2020

So, this new ruleset basically prohibits anything other than the simple acknowledgment of the OP's experiences and feelings -- am I right? Keep in mind that if this is so, then any potential for my participation in The Haven has been minimized due to my particular skillset and approach to life.

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Last edited by Fnord on 28 Sep 2020, 12:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

magz
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28 Sep 2020, 12:46 pm

Fnord wrote:

Feyokien wrote:

So, this new ruleset basically prohibits anything other than acknowledging the OP's experiences and feeling -- am I right? Keep in mind that if this is so, then any potential for my participation in The Haven has been minimized due to my particular skillset and approach to life.

I rarely saw you in The Haven anyway. I find it wise of you.

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<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>

Fnord
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28 Sep 2020, 12:47 pm

magz wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Feyokien wrote:

I rarely saw you in The Haven anyway.

Now you know why.

It's just too easy for my well-intentioned questions and suggestions to be misinterpreted as hostile acts.

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magz
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28 Sep 2020, 12:52 pm

Fnord wrote:

magz wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Feyokien wrote:

I rarely saw you in The Haven anyway.

Now you know why.

It's just too easy for my well-intentioned questions and suggestions to be misinterpreted as hostile acts.

Witnessed it :roll:

But on the other hand, speaking as someone who have been in deep mental distress - there are states of mind when handling your well-intentioned questions and logical suggestions becomes nearly impossible and only makes things worse.

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<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>

Fnord
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28 Sep 2020, 1:04 pm

magz wrote:

Fnord wrote:

magz wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Feyokien wrote:

I rarely saw you in The Haven anyway.

Now you know why. It's just too easy for my well-intentioned questions and suggestions to be misinterpreted as hostile acts.

Witnessed it. But on the other hand, speaking as someone who have been in deep mental distress -- there are states of mind when handling your well-intentioned questions and logical suggestions becomes nearly impossible and only makes things worse.

Agreed. Even more reason for me to leave The Haven to the victims who post there.

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Feyokien
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28 Sep 2020, 1:10 pm

Fnord wrote:

No. There are lots of ways to support someone other than simple acknowledgment. The key is how to go about it.

Quote:

• Provide unsolicited advice. Unless advice is specifically requested, respond with supportive comments rather than solutions. Unwanted advice can make some people feel unheard and patronized. If you feel you have truly helpful advice, ask the OP first if they would like advice.

I think you're attention is on this line in particular yes? We will clarify if that is the case.

Fnord
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28 Sep 2020, 1:16 pm

Feyokien wrote:

Fnord wrote:

No. There are lots of ways to support someone other than simple acknowledgment. The key is how to go about it.

Quote:

I think you're attention is on this line in particular yes? We will clarify if that is the case.

My attention is drawn to both the letter and the spirit of the entire ruleset. While the individual rules are easy to pick out and dissect, the gist of the ruleset as a whole is a little more nebulous. I am trying to boil it all down to one or two simple statements expressing sentiments that lie somewhere between "Keep Out" and "Anything Goes".

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magz
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28 Sep 2020, 1:42 pm

Fnord wrote:

Feyokien wrote:

Fnord wrote:

No. There are lots of ways to support someone other than simple acknowledgment. The key is how to go about it.

Quote:

I think you're attention is on this line in particular yes? We will clarify if that is the case.

Honestly and bluntly, I hope you take it well:
Knowing how often you get misinterpreted as hostile and how easily triggered people in The Haven can be, I find your approach of avoiding The Haven prudent.

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<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>

Fnord
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28 Sep 2020, 1:56 pm

Teach51 wrote:

... @Fnord I don't think people who post in the Haven are "victims" at all. It takes courage to express feelings and it is advantageous to "let them out." I think it is wise not to give advice but just lend an empathetic ear.

See? This isn't even The Haven, and I'm already being 'corrected' for what I post about it.

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Teach51
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28 Sep 2020, 2:01 pm

Fnord wrote:

Teach51 wrote:

See? This isn't even The Haven, and I'm already being 'corrected' for what I post.

Lol just an observation not a correction :wink:

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Fnord
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28 Sep 2020, 2:02 pm

Teach51 wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Teach51 wrote:

See? This isn't even The Haven, and I'm already being 'corrected' for what I post.

Lol just an observation not a correction.

Not funny.[/color]

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Feyokien
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28 Sep 2020, 2:05 pm

Fnord wrote:

The gist is just to not alienate people by not attacking, debating, politicizing, assuming details about, or ignoring the people who start threads.

Teach51
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28 Sep 2020, 2:08 pm

Fnord wrote:

Teach51 wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Teach51 wrote:

See? This isn't even The Haven, and I'm already being 'corrected' for what I post.

Lol just an observation not a correction.

Not funny.[/color]

I'm interested to know why you would call people victims who post in the haven?

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Fnord
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28 Sep 2020, 2:13 pm

Feyokien wrote:

Fnord wrote:

The gist is just to not attacking, debating, politicizing, assuming details about, or ignoring the people who start threads.

Well, y'see ... it's turned out that the only effective way to deal with most people in The Haven is to simply ignore them and not post in their threads at all. Even the "coddlers" who seem to have a knack for drawing out the same discussion for weeks eventually lose interest and stop posting, leaving the OP to either fade away or start a new thread on the same subject, over and over again.

Some of us just don't seem to have the "coddling" gene within us.

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Fnord
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28 Sep 2020, 2:14 pm

Teach51 wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Teach51 wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Teach51 wrote:

See? This isn't even The Haven, and I'm already being 'corrected' for what I post.

Lol just an observation not a correction.

Not funny.

I'm interested to know why you would call people victims who post in the haven?

Are you trying to start a debate?

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magz
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28 Sep 2020, 2:15 pm

Fnord wrote:

Some of us just don't seem to have the "coddling" gene within us.

It's healthy to recognize one's own strengths and limitations.
Just a general remark :roll:

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<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>

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