When to give and not to give advice on WP

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Autistics either stay silent too long for their own and others good or we talk too much when a subject interests us. Often we do both. As oft discussed many autistics seem have an abundance of empathy but use it incorrectly.

My advice is that sometimes the best support is no support rather then an attempt at support that backfires. We are often interacting with people who are fragile so the wrong advice could be really bad. For example being a lifelong single person I refrain from giving advice on relationships and marriage.

There has been a problem with men giving unwanted advice and not ceasing and desisting when asked in the women's section. Rightly or wrongly the women's section is open to men commenting and it will probably continue to be that way. Your rule of thumb should be assume the women posting there only want to discuss their issue with other women unless stated otherwise.

There are times when posting on a subject you have not experienced is appropriate. A straight news item relating to women or LGBTQ is one example. Sometimes women post about issues that the apparent solution is gender neutral. Early on in my time on WP before #Metoo to I came across a thread where it was apparent the OP was raped. When the euphemism “rapey” was used it conflated with the advice I was reading. Not having been raped myself and fearing destroying the OP I was reluctant to step in but did. One does not to have be raped to know what rape is. I wrote something along the lines rapey was not what occurred it was rape. The conversation got on point and stayed that way and I did not post again in that thread.

We especially as autistics are going to give unwanted and wrong advice and we are going to stay silent when we should not have sometimes. If as a group we think before posting and not posting using the above general guidelines we will be wrong less often and WP will there will be less exhausting drama.

This is a good write-up. I hope others will find it useful too. Thank you ASPartOfMe .

If someone asked me personally for advice, I would give it.
If someone asked generally for advice, I would think three times before saying anything.

I am sure one of the reasons I am a "troll" and a "bully" here is because I have given out support and would give out advice but maybe that OP felt different about it and assumed I had bad intentions. :shrugs:

But I have learned when I should keep my mouth shut when someone is posting something. I ask myself "Are they seeking out advice or are they just ranting and they want people to agree with them and pat them on the back and also share their story with them to relate?" I still have difficulty knowing but if I look at the responses, I can figure it out but if everyone in it is wrong, well I am guilty then for following the wrong example.

But honestly this forum may not be for everyone and perhaps if they don't want advice, maybe just say so in their OP. Or they can post in The Haven where no advice is allowed. I just disagree this is bullying.

Autistic people fit into gender stereotypes less than other people just as we do with a lot of other things.

I read Men from Mars women from Venus when I was about 10 and came to a conclusion that it's either overgeneralizing or I'm a man... decided on the former.
The most useful message of the book is that people have different communication styles. On an autism forum, I would recommend to generally drop the gender part of it.