Break down

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I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. Not even on these forums. I’m so burnt out with life that it takes all of my energy to speak to people lately, and I am not masking right now at all. I feel so alone, and when I mention some of my problems to my mom she just says, “That’s normal, everyone feels that way sometimes.” It does not help, and I feel like masking my quirks and speech takes way more energy than I can exert right now. Acting like myself makes me have issues with my identity because I feel like my masking persona and my true self are fighting.

Why am I talking to strangers, and what do I expect from this? I’m not sure.

All you can do is the best that you can do. I'd just take it day by day and I'd worry less about masking. I'd just be myself and not worry about what people think. These are my opinions and I mean it well but I realize it doesn't fix everything.

This stranger suggests you consider a "vacation".

Not a real vacation. I'm not suggesting you travel, or stop work or school. I am suggesting that for awhile you keep your personal time for yourself and fill it with something different and unfamiliar. (A book? Binge watch something? Make something?...)

This is good advice. Thank you!

Thank you for the advice. It feels better to be my true self.

Yeah, even though they might mean well, I always hate that answer. I was talking about sensory overload to a friend once and he agreed he had it. But, he doesn't--not like me. I think he thought I just meant I had a bad day. Not headaches, no sleep, stomach or chest pains, etc. Constantly running and getting nowhere. It sort of feels like being corrected, when people respond like your mom. All you want is sympathy.

I agree with the advice Double Retired gave. Be you, before its too late.

If you are feeling like there's a constant fight between your true self and your masked persona, you should ask yourself what parts of the latter are absolutely needed for you to function in the environment in which you are in.

If faking being an NT costs you so much energy and emotional pain, I would suggest doing the bare minimum of it to help you get by. One thing you cannot run away from is yourself. The masking buffer you've created to interface with society should never suffocate your true identity.