Should I become a mod here?

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I don't actually. Sorry you had a bad time.

Well I think that as a right-wing person I would rather personal attacks got more protection than racism and especially gender. I understand extreme racism or homophobia/transphobia should be protected but when it's just someone's point of view without any malicious intent to/about any individual in particular...
I get more offended by personal attacks than I do about biased opinions against women, for example. I only get wound up by biased things about having autism because I have a chip on my shoulder about ASD. Otherwise it wouldn't bother me. I'm not saying everyone should think like me, I'm just pointing out that I'm not a hypocrite in this area.

I think the western world has gotten too OTT about racism and gender. Like when Facebook focuses more on the word "gun" being mentioned or any tiny little thing that may be mildly racist against non-whites, but let's severe bullying go on.
And the way racism is only one-sided also gets to me. In one thread someone wrote a stereotype about white people that didn't get removed.

^ I think you need to try to imagine how others might feel.

Some members have dealt with a considerable amount of misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, racism, etc. in their personal lives. Being confronted by that here could be triggering to say the least. It could also encourage others to make similarly derogatory comments, making the forum even more unsafe for many of our members. Such remarks tend to snowball, so they cannot be allowed at all.

They don’t bring anything positive to the forum anyway. There is an endless number of non-hurtful things to talk about.

I’d prefer erring on the side of political correctness than on hurting members.

Personal attacks aren’t allowed, either, but some people view comments as personal attacks when they are not. Also, some attacks are worse than others, so there’s some nuance here.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 19 May 2023, 5:15 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Well that's me just being self centred and possibly egotistical thinking that you knew what happened to me. I thought I was infamous , clearly not.

I glad you can see that. Of course I've had issues with our mods, even the rest of them who are no longer around. I've even had differences of opinion with Alex, as well as the moderators at Neurovoice and Autism Forums. It's not that I'm argumentative or they were big dramatic problems, but I've been around for five years, I've been very active pretty much every day, and I speak up when needed, even though it's usually to defend other people and not myself. I've had more than enough time for something to come up with each mod for different reasons, even if it wasn't a big deal and it was resolved amicably.

I bet many of us have had mod disagreements at WP, but we don't advertise it in Mod Attention or make threads to complain about it. Sorry for saying it that way, but it's true. There's no denying you normally get fed up and post about your feelings with something akin to a public meltdown. That draws more attention to whatever's going on and makes your problem snowball, since you're self-conscious about drawing attention to yourself (RSD). Then you get overwhelmed by everyone's input and you snap -- by swearing or quitting and later wanting to come back. During those episodes you likely feel vulnerable, so you start believing we all take sides. In contrast, when I've had an issue to discuss with a mod it stays on PM. I don't even tell my "friends" about it because that makes problems feel bigger than they are, and it would probably cause my feelings to spiral out of proportion.





What is the chip on the shoulder about the rules? There's no homophobia, transphobia, or racism allowed. I know you question some of those topics and you aren't sure where they draw a line in the sand. Perhaps it would be best for you to avoid those topics entirely. I know others might question them or discuss them without incident but you know they could cause you to get overwhelmed and say things you'll regret. There are some topics I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole for a long time on here, like abortion. I used to have personal meltdowns and log off if I even saw the word in a thread title because there was so much I wanted to say, but I knew I couldn't deal with the emotions and I didn't want to cause a scene. Only recently did I get my brain in check to discuss them logically without blowing a fuse.

If you notice that pattern about getting tangled up in arguments, what can you do to avoid it in the future?

You've misgendered me on multiple occasions, I've gotten into multiple arguments with you about your transphobic BS and insistence on inserting yourself into conversations about gender, etc. You being nice a few times doesn't change the fact that you have a clear disrespect for trans people and that I f*****g hate transphobes. Mods can remove this, but I have absolutely no requirement to coddle you or be fake nice to you w/ the way you behave on here and that's just reality.

This is true. It's how I feel whenever I come across the word "empathy". It's a huge trigger word for me, but I think I have discussed the meaning of empathy to death, that I'd just be repeating myself if I join in another empathy thread when one next comes up.
I think it's that bursting feeling to say something. Also I am pretty bad at being assertive, which is why I often get myself into trouble when being assertive here - which is why I'm afraid to be assertive offline. People offline often tell me I should stand up for myself more but I'd probably just get into fights like I do here, and I don't want my life to come to that. Mind you, it's easier to communicate offline because there are other clues to look out for to understand a person's feelings or intentions, like non-verbal cues. Here there are very little non-verbal cues to look out for so I feel I have to second-guess everything, failing miserably.

Although I have unintentionally and regrettably hurt people here by my political views, I don't think I have ever personally attacked anyone unprovoked. I really consider feelings there, like if someone has a problem I try to offer the best reassurance or sympathy I can, avoiding cliches. I have been advised by a mod to keep out of any political discussions or even mentions, otherwise, well, this happens. And yes, it does create a snowball effect; I make a right-wing remark, which offends somebody, then I get all frustrated with myself then it's that fight or flight response, then I have unintentionally caused a heated row, which I cannot rest until I have put it right. I've been awake all night trying to put an argument right here before, because each time I turned my phone off and tried to sleep I just couldn't, I kept jittering and worrying about the feelings of all the members in the thread and I just can't put my phone down until I have put an end to the argument.

I've known people to do this on Facebook too, but funnily enough I don't seem to get into arguments there. If you met me in real life you'd probably be surprised that I'm not the same as I am here. Offline , and on Facebook, I'm much less blunt and more caring.

Personal attacks are usually an attack on one specific person because of their personality or a conflict between two people which doesn't affect or involve others. Gender, race, and sexual orientation are also personal attacks, but on a grand scale because they attack multiple people at once. Misogyny might not bother you personally but it's an attack on half the world's population, probably close to half of our membership, and people that the male members know and love (their mothers, sisters, spouses, friends, cousins, etc.) It also sends a message to the public or people lurking this site that we don't care about women. It can affect membership numbers by causing people to quit or not join, or gossip about the sexism here when they're on other sites. The same can be said of misandry, transphobia, or homophobia. They are personal attacks aimed at many people simultaneously, even if we don't think they're going to see it, or it wasn't aimed at them, or we didn't mean to hurt their feelings.

You have RSD so you're acutely aware of what it feels like to be rejected or feel maligned. Every other person deserves the same respect. That's why one "personal attack" against one individual member might take a backseat to widespread racism, homophobia, transphobia, or attacks against the integrity of our moderators. We have to think of the needs of our entire group before the needs of one person. Yes, each individual person matters but the entire group membership and the site's viability have to come first.

Last edited by IsabellaLinton on 19 May 2023, 5:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

And yet the mods tell me that nobody here is holding grudges against me and that everyone has their own lives to worry about than to care what I put on an internet forum. They've also told me to put things behind me and to be forgiving, which is what I'm doing. It's people like you who have made me feel paranoid, thinking that people here are against me and won't forget any of the s**t I said in the past.
So I can't really move on unless you do. But you won't. I have you calling me transphobic, WhereAmI calling me racist, and it's been hinted that I'm a narcissist who lacks empathy. How can I move on with my reputation so ruined like this? I can't undo the s**t I posted in the past.

!	Cornflake wrote:
	The OP's question has been asked and answered, here and elsewhere. This thread has therefore served its purpose. Locked