Board index › Coping in life › Social Skills and Making Friends

How to get on with Neurotypicals

Page 10 of 11 [ 168 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 7, 8, 9, 10, 11  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,284

14 May 2023, 11:31 pm

KitLily wrote:
Careless comments! Yes. Tell me about NTs' oversensitivity! They tell me I'm very blunt and tactless. But guess what? This is me being tactful and censoring myself!!


Is the feedback in any way hampering your career progression?



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,284

14 May 2023, 11:33 pm

KitLily wrote:
School is a TINY part of life, the rest of it is much more important.


It's almost like we have to start again from scratch when dealing with the real world



IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 68,873
Location: Chez Quis

15 May 2023, 12:04 am

marijuana


_________________
And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

15 May 2023, 6:16 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
After teaching a certain age, I stopped trying so hard to mask or compromise to get on with NTs. Anyone I have to do this for isn't likely to become a real friend anyway. It's much better to let them see the real me. If they can deal that, then maybe there can be a further connection.


I agree, Benjamin.

I've just found that *no one* likes the real me- I can't connect with anyone outside home. I've got my husband and daughter, that's all. Other people just avoid me and I'm alone at home all day working. Not much of a fun life.


_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

15 May 2023, 6:16 am

cyberdad wrote:
KitLily wrote:
Careless comments! Yes. Tell me about NTs' oversensitivity! They tell me I'm very blunt and tactless. But guess what? This is me being tactful and censoring myself!!


Is the feedback in any way hampering your career progression?


No because I am a freelancer working for myself now. It probably hampered me when I worked for other people, can't remember.

Although, when I worked in schools and colleges, I was very good with the students and got very positive reviews and results. I was very popular in caring jobs.


_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,284

15 May 2023, 6:34 am

KitLily wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
KitLily wrote:
Careless comments! Yes. Tell me about NTs' oversensitivity! They tell me I'm very blunt and tactless. But guess what? This is me being tactful and censoring myself!!


Is the feedback in any way hampering your career progression?


No because I am a freelancer working for myself now. It probably hampered me when I worked for other people, can't remember.

Although, when I worked in schools and colleges, I was very good with the students and got very positive reviews and results. I was very popular in caring jobs.


Amazing! one of the things I really admire (and quite sincerely) is the how many members on WP are self-made and independent contractors who work for themselves. This is precisely what i have said on this forum that when you boil it down, relationships with NTs are ultimately transactional. You need to have a skill or something to offer to tip the scales in your favour.

Having said that, like yourself, I have always managed a good relationship with students. You need to still be popular and likeable to your stakeholders.



KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

15 May 2023, 9:34 am

Thank you. I set up my own business BY MYSELF. I worked hard BY MYSELF. I only had the minimum of connections. I deserve a pat on the back so thank you.

Yes, I find that kids see through all the fake cultural layers and just see whether someone is a good, kind person or not. Same with animals, they see it too. I should go back to working with kids. It's bl00dy draining work though.


_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,284

15 May 2023, 6:44 pm

KitLily wrote:
Yes, I find that kids see through all the fake cultural layers and just see whether someone is a good, kind person or not. Same with animals, they see it too. I should go back to working with kids. It's bl00dy draining work though.


Yes, animals at least can be reasoned with :lol:

I've observed that my students (who are in their late teens to early 20s) have transformed over the years. In the late 1980s they would be in a classroom watching you with beady/attentive eyes while chewing their pencils.

In 2023 getting their attention and engaging with them is a massive challenge. All of them have laptops now and they seem to divide their attention occasionally checking what I am saying and then going back scrolling through social media and/or playing video games in class with their headphones on.



KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

16 May 2023, 2:36 am

cyberdad wrote:
I've observed that my students (who are in their late teens to early 20s) have transformed over the years. In the late 1980s they would be in a classroom watching you with beady/attentive eyes while chewing their pencils.

In 2023 getting their attention and engaging with them is a massive challenge. All of them have laptops now and they seem to divide their attention occasionally checking what I am saying and then going back scrolling through social media and/or playing video games in class with their headphones on.


It's hard to get anyone's attention from the online world now tbh. Hence why so many people have no friends in real life. It's a sad situation.


_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,284

16 May 2023, 3:51 am

KitLily wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
I've observed that my students (who are in their late teens to early 20s) have transformed over the years. In the late 1980s they would be in a classroom watching you with beady/attentive eyes while chewing their pencils.

In 2023 getting their attention and engaging with them is a massive challenge. All of them have laptops now and they seem to divide their attention occasionally checking what I am saying and then going back scrolling through social media and/or playing video games in class with their headphones on.


It's hard to get anyone's attention from the online world now tbh. Hence why so many people have no friends in real life. It's a sad situation.


Self absorbed and self-importance



KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

16 May 2023, 8:24 am

Yes, people can get anything they want at the click of a button. They don't need other people now :roll:


_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

16 May 2023, 8:27 am

I found this brilliant list on Reddit about how to get on with NTs/people. This applies to all of life, not just school:

Quote:
Why push all those worthless tests and grades when all you really need is to know how to coax egos and follow the group?

If you know a younger ND child then be honest with them too and teach them the skills to survive this world:

Don’t be honest unless it benefits you.

Keep track of the gossip in school (or where you work/socialise).

Take notes on who is connected to who and why.

Practice and perfect eavesdropping.

Learn how to mimic others facial expressions. When someone is smiling smile back. When they’re sad make a concerned face. Practice in the mirror if necessary.


I love the one about taking notes on who is connected to who and why. That'll stop me putting my foot in it, I hope *fingers crossed*

And the mimicking expressions. I've got that wrong so often and made an enemy because I didn't smile at the right time :roll:


_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.


Last edited by KitLily on 16 May 2023, 11:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,819
Location: New York City (Queens)

16 May 2023, 8:37 am

cyberdad wrote:
I've observed that my students (who are in their late teens to early 20s) have transformed over the years. In the late 1980s they would be in a classroom watching you with beady/attentive eyes while chewing their pencils.

In 2023 getting their attention and engaging with them is a massive challenge. All of them have laptops now and they seem to divide their attention occasionally checking what I am saying and then going back scrolling through social media and/or playing video games in class with their headphones on.

Can you (or your school) require students to keep their laptops/phones/headphones etc. in their bags (or otherwise out of sight) and take notes using old-fashioned pen and paper? Either that, or be logged in to educational programs on computers that are hooked up to a LAN but NOT to the Internet? Schools need to have these two options, IMO.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)


Benjamin the Donkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2017
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,316

16 May 2023, 9:11 am

KitLily wrote:
I found this brilliant list on Reddit about how to get on with NTs/people:

Quote:
Why push all those worthless tests and grades when all you really need is to know how to coax egos and follow the group?

If you know a younger ND child then be honest with them too and teach them the skills to survive this world:

Don’t be honest unless it benefits you.

Keep track of the gossip in school.

Take notes on who is connected to who and why.

Practice and perfect eavesdropping.

Learn how to mimic others facial expressions. When someone is smiling smile back. When they’re sad make a concerned face. Practice in the mirror if necessary.


I love the one about taking notes on who is connected to who and why. That'll stop me putting my foot in it, I hope *fingers crossed*

And the mimicking expressions. I've got that wrong so often and made an enemy because I didn't smile at the right time :roll:


I'm glad I was hopelessly ignorant of all the social connections, gossip, and scheming in high school. That meant I didn't care about it, so it affected me less. I was satisfied spend most of my time in my own world.


_________________
"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

16 May 2023, 11:22 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
I'm glad I was hopelessly ignorant of all the social connections, gossip, and scheming in high school. That meant I didn't care about it, so it affected me less. I was satisfied spend most of my time in my own world.


I think that's probably because you are male. At high school, the boys just got into punch ups, I don't think they gossiped and schemed and put much attention on social skills, connections etc.

Whereas gossip and social skills were THE most important thing if you were a girl and you had to be perfectly groomed, socially adept and popular 24/7.

However...that list is for all of life, not just high school. I just edited it to clarify.


_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,284

16 May 2023, 4:54 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
I've observed that my students (who are in their late teens to early 20s) have transformed over the years. In the late 1980s they would be in a classroom watching you with beady/attentive eyes while chewing their pencils.

In 2023 getting their attention and engaging with them is a massive challenge. All of them have laptops now and they seem to divide their attention occasionally checking what I am saying and then going back scrolling through social media and/or playing video games in class with their headphones on.

Can you (or your school) require students to keep their laptops/phones/headphones etc. in their bags (or otherwise out of sight) and take notes using old-fashioned pen and paper? Either that, or be logged in to educational programs on computers that are hooked up to a LAN but NOT to the Internet? Schools need to have these two options, IMO.


I work in the university sector. Higher education institutions have a BYOD policy so encourage students to bring a laptop. To make matters worse students get access to free data through the university wifi so all that bunk they watch during business hours is paid for by us.